AITA for walking out of my sister’s wedding after she tried to use me as free childcare?

The air was thick with celebration, the scent of fresh flowers mingling with the hum of anticipation at a wedding venue bathed in golden sunlight. But for one brother, the joy of his sister’s big day soured fast. Tasked with calming her fussy baby outside, he faced an impossible choice: miss the heartfelt vows or play unpaid nanny. His decision to walk out sparked a family firestorm, leaving everyone buzzing about loyalty, boundaries, and what it really means to show up for family.

This tale of a wedding gone awry captures a universal struggle—balancing personal desires with family expectations. With emotions running high and a baby’s cries echoing in the background, the brother’s exit raises questions about fairness and respect. Let’s dive into his story, shared on Reddit, to unpack the drama and see where the lines of duty blur.

 

‘AITA for walking out of my sister’s wedding after she tried to use me as free childcare?’

A few months ago my (31M) sister (29F) announced that she was going to get married. The planning process took a while but the date and venue were agreed on. Now, my sister has a baby (1M) that just loves to cry. He cries all the time, unless someone takes him outside for fresh air. So a few days ago the wedding started.

Because I was out of town I missed the night before the wedding (basically a get-together period for family members and a big party) but showed up for the ceremony and reception. The second I got there my sister asked me to take the baby outside in order to calm him down.

I agreed because the ceremony hadn't started yet, but she asked me to take the baby outside again a while later. When I asked why the baby didn't have a sitter, she said that they spent all the money on the ceremony and parties. I was kind of annoyed because I wanted to sit in on the ceremony,

but just about everyone jumped on me telling me to do my sister a favour and that 'it was her day'. I asked her about when I was expected to take the baby out for fresh air, and she gave me this huge list of times that basically meant I missed out on the important parts. I wouldn't be there for the exchanging of vows, the reception, the aisle walk, the readings, the kiss, etc.

I figured out that in total I would have about 30 minutes actually sitting inside, and the rest was just about the baby. When I pointed this out to her she said someone would videotape it for me but I wasn't convinced. I wanted to watch my sister reach a milestone, and that was what I came for.

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I told her that someone else could watch the baby for her, and that as her brother I wanted to watch the wedding, and not have to miss her getting married. Again, she told me to 'just do it'. I was really mad, but tried not to show it on the outside. When I asked about the reception, she told me, 'Oh, you'll have to miss out.

\[Baby's name\] needs to be outside and has to be fed.' That was the final straw, and when my mother was holding the baby I slipped out and just left. The next day I get a call from my sister, and she's screaming about how I ruined her wedding and how the baby wouldn't stop crying.

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I told her that I left because she treated me like a babysitter instead of a guest/family member, and said that it was her fault if she couldn't get a nanny or ask a friend to do it. Since then I've been nuked with calls from family calling me selfish and telling me that I'm effectively disowned unless I apologise. I see no reason to. AITA?

Weddings are a whirlwind of emotions, but being sidelined as free childcare can turn joy into resentment. The brother’s dilemma—missing his sister’s milestone to manage her baby—touches on deeper issues of family roles and communication. His sister’s assumption that he’d sacrifice his experience without prior discussion reveals a lack of mutual respect, while the family’s backlash highlights a collective failure to share responsibilities.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy families communicate expectations clearly and negotiate boundaries with respect” (Gottman Institute). Here, the sister’s last-minute delegation ignored this principle, placing undue burden on her brother. The broader issue—unspoken family obligations—often leads to conflict. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of family disputes stem from unclear role expectations (APA).

The brother’s choice to leave reflects a stand for personal boundaries, though it escalated tensions. Experts suggest proactive communication could have helped. For instance, discussing childcare plans beforehand or rotating duties among family members could have ensured everyone enjoyed the day. To navigate similar situations, propose shared responsibilities early and stand firm on your needs while acknowledging others’ pressures. This approach fosters fairness and keeps family ties intact.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of support and shade with their signature flair. Here’s what they had to say about this wedding childcare clash:

lumpthefoff − NTA - Why couldn’t she rotate baby duty between family members? She basically implied you were the least important person for her at the wedding. Plus how expensive would it have been to hire a babysitter? Or your parents could have chipped in and gotten one.

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AJSK18 − NTA. Why couldn’t the rest of the family take turns taking the baby outside? I find it funny that they’re calling you selfish when it doesn’t seem like any one of them volunteered to take turns so it would be fair and you at least got to witness some parts of the wedding.

Historical-Care-5394 − NTA. Your family sucks get a new one. I could use a brother that I actually like and isn't worthless. Wanna be my new brother? I'll never ask you to babysit my kids, my youngest is 15.

Glitter_Pink5452 − Nta. But your sister ( and your mom) are huge AH. Ask those family members who keep calling you why didn't they offered to babysit. Let them disown you, they soubd awful anyway.

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mcdonaldsfrenchfri − NTA. were you the only person certified to hold a baby? tell every single one of those family members 'weird. I didn't see you stepping up to take care of the baby'

Caity-nerd − telling me that I'm effectively disowned unless I apologise.. Considering how all your family treated you, I'd take this as a goodbye-gift and take my leave. Your sister could've EASILY asked for money for a babysitter and I bet the family woulda chipped in and helped out, but they decided you were better off babysitting and missing the whole wedding because 'f**k you'.

If anything, YOU should be the one to demand an apology, not the other way around. Also, chances are you wouldn't even wanna know how they're gonna be like at YOUR wedding, if you ever get married (if they even attend... that is). NTA. someone would videotape it for me. 'vIDEoTaPe it' my ass.... Edit: word

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Poppycorn144 − NTA. She could’ve told you beforehand that you were babysitting but she tried to do it stealthy and taking your cue from her; you stealthy left.

Auroraburst − NTA. If she wanted you to baby sit she could have asked you (though you would be well within your rights to say no).. I don't understand why people couldn't have taken it in turns so no one missed more than 10 minutes.

DixOut-4-Harambe − NTA.. Hell, she could have ASKED you ahead of time if you were willing and avoided all this.. Or maybe just gotten a sitter. Or asked anyone if they knew someone or ... ANYTHING.. But no, let's spring it on someone, someone who is close family.. She ruined YOUR day. You were there to see your sister get marred, and was treated like dirt.

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Zagriel55 − NTA - You were an invited guest and family and they manipulated you to be a babysitter. The rest of the family were selfish enough to not offer any real help themselves, putting the responsibility solely on you,

and are now blaming you for ruining the wedding, what a bunch of AH's. It might have been your sister's day, but it's also your sister's baby and she and her husband should have taken their own responsibility, not forcefully shove it on you.

These Redditors rallied behind the brother, calling out the family’s unfair expectations. Many wondered why no one else stepped up, while others saw the sister’s demands as a power move. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family feud?

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This wedding tale shows how quickly family joy can turn into a battle over boundaries. The brother’s exit was a bold move to reclaim his role as a guest, not a babysitter, but it cost him family goodwill. It’s a reminder that clear communication and shared responsibilities can prevent such blowups. What would you do if you were stuck choosing between family duty and your own experience at a loved one’s big day? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

 

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