AITA for bailing on Thanksgiving for the tenth year in a row for Bali?

Picture a sun-soaked Bali beach, waves lapping at the shore, and a flight attendant sipping a coconut drink, far from the frosty air of Cleveland. For ten years, this has been their escape from a family fractured by betrayal. The sting of an ex-partner’s affair with their sister still lingers, making family gatherings feel like stepping into a soap opera. Their mother’s tearful plea for a Thanksgiving reunion tugs at the heart, but the thought of facing the past is unbearable. Can they keep dodging family ties, or is it time to face the music?

The story unfolds with raw emotion, as the flight attendant grapples with loyalty to self versus family. Readers are drawn into the tension, wondering if healing is possible or if some wounds cut too deep. It’s a tale of boundaries, heartbreak, and the pull of sandy shores over family drama.

‘AITA for bailing on Thanksgiving for the tenth year in a row for Bali?’

I’m a flight attendant for a major airline, so working on holidays is a given. I’ve been working long enough I could get holidays and time off if I want, but I don’t take them up on it. For the past decade, I’ve skipped major family holidays and events like weddings and christenings. Part of it has to do with something that happened a long time ago.

Long story short, my ex knocked up my sister and they got married. I have no interest in them and haven’t met their children. I haven’t even gone back to my hometown since their engagement announcement. My mother has been asking me when I’m going to come back. And the answer is never. I tell her I don’t know.

Well she and my dad are getting up there in years and they want a family celebration with everyone. Including my cheat of an ex and his family. She just asked when I’m going to be here for thanksgiving and I told her that work got in the way. She broke down crying over the phone and pleaded with me to put in a time off request so I can see her.

My other FA family thinks I should do this one thing because it’s not healthy to put work over family. Honestly, I can’t stand to see my ex happy with his affair partner and what could have been us. Also I am spending part of the holidays in Bali and have better things to do than be miserable in f**king Cleveland. AITA?

Navigating family gatherings after betrayal is like walking a tightrope over a pit of emotional snakes. The flight attendant’s choice to skip Thanksgiving reflects a deep wound, but it also raises questions about balancing personal peace with familial duty.

The OP’s refusal to attend stems from their sister’s affair with their ex, now married with kids. Avoiding this scene is understandable—seeing a “happy” family built on betrayal can feel like salt in an open wound. Yet, their parents, caught in the middle, yearn for connection. According to Family Psychology, unresolved family conflict can perpetuate emotional distance, with 68% of families reporting ongoing tension from past betrayals.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healing from betrayal requires acknowledgment and boundaries, not forced reconciliation” . Here, the OP’s boundary—avoiding their sister and ex—is a valid self-protection mechanism. Forcing a Thanksgiving reunion risks emotional harm without addressing the root issue.

The broader issue is how families navigate loyalty splits. The OP’s parents may feel torn, wanting both their children and grandchildren present. Offering to meet parents separately, as some Redditors suggest, could rebuild ties without compromising boundaries. The OP might consider small steps, like a weekend visit, to honor their parents’ wishes while protecting their peace.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and tough love for our Bali-bound flight attendant. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

000-Hotaru_Tomoe − Look, you're an adult, you have your life. If you want to be lc/nc and not meet them, it's your right.. And and seeing what your ex and your sister have done, I certainly don't blame you.. NTA

The_Amazing_Username − NTA- but you should give your parents the choice of having you or your cheating ex and his family there… but your parents seem to have made a choice so they will either lie or choose the cheater…

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erikswifey − NTA for not wanting to be in your exes and sisters lives. Soft AH behavior against your parents. Are they on sisters side? Are they like 'well yeah they cheated but now they have kids so it's OK'? Then they deserve it.

tinysydneh − NTA.. It's not healthy to put work over family. When it's what you want to do and you don't want to be around them... why wouldn't it be healthy?

OldBeforeHisTime − NTA, but couldn't you get your mom a free ticket to meet you somewhere, for a short vacation together? Or is she also part of the reason you don't want to go home?

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Big-Ad5914 − NTA for wanting to avoid playing fake happy family with your sister over a holiday. YTA if you are refusing to spend any time at all with your parents solo. If they are willing to respect your boundaries, then you need to start thinking about how you can support them as they age.

AggravatingPatient18 − NTA. But have you never discussed this with your mother? She would know exactly why you haven't come home for 10 years. Big family occasions are the worst times to try and reconcile. Has she never invited you home for a weekend or even Christmas when your sister is at the cheater's parents house?

How about sending them tickets to join you at a destination of your choice? Your parents have made their choice, so have you. If you really don't want to change your relationship with your parents, i It's time to block them completely as you know you won't go back for their funerals if you're forced to plan them with your sister.

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Hot-Statistician-299 − ESH. NTA for not wanting to see your sister and avoiding any family celebrations where you’d see her. But YTA for cutting out your parents for something they didn’t do to you. Your sister is an AH and you stated your parents didn’t attend her wedding (and rightfully so),

but your sister has their only grandchildren to date and have a relationship with her solely for those kids sakes. So you’re punishing your parents for something someone else did to you? Makes you TA in that regard and trust me when I say this, you’ll end up regretting that decision when it’s too late

Saffron-Kitty − NTA. I think it might be a good idea to be direct with your mother though. Saying 'sorry, work has booked me for that time' is very different than 'mum, I'm never coming home because I don't want to ever see anyone connected with my sister and cheating ex'. The reason why you got told 'it's unhealthy to put work over family' is because enough people in your family believe it's your job's fault and not your own decision to avoid them.

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AffectionateHand2206 − NTA. I understand that your family wants to see you, but at the same time they also shouldn't pretend like the affair between your ex and your sister didn't happen.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP’s right to dodge drama but questioned cutting off their parents entirely. Some saw the Bali escape as self-care; others called it a cop-out. But do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just stirring the pot?

The flight attendant’s story is a raw reminder that family ties can be as binding as they are breaking. Choosing Bali over a tense Thanksgiving table speaks to the power of self-preservation, but it also leaves aging parents caught in the crossfire. Balancing personal healing with family expectations is no easy feat. What would you do if you were in their shoes, torn between a tropical escape and a family reunion? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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