AITA for giving homemade presents?

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In a world of mass-produced toys, one mom’s crocheted sweaters—crafted with love and tailored to each child’s favorite character—bring a spark of uniqueness to kids’ birthday parties. But when a friend calls her gifts “tacky” and suggests she skip parties if she can’t afford store-bought presents, the sting of criticism leaves her questioning her craft. These $80 creations, paired with toys, are labors of love, yet now they’re at the heart of a social showdown.

This Reddit tale unfolds like a heartfelt craft project, weaving creativity, hurt feelings, and societal norms. The mom’s passion for giving something special clashes with her friend’s blunt judgment, raising a question: are handmade gifts a treasure, or a tacky misstep? Let’s unravel this colorful drama and stitch together the truth.

‘AITA for giving homemade presents?’

My children are in elementary school. I crochet for a living and design my own patterns. Wherever they get invited to a birthday party I make a sweater for the birthday child. I've made a few unicorns, a dinosaur and a handful of super heros. I always check with the birthday child's parent for clothing size and favorite character/animal/whatever so the child will like the sweater.

It's something unique and special I love doing. The recipients have always been excited and the parents love them.(I'm not sure how to attach a photo or I would show you the sweaters). Well, this week my daughter was invited to a birthday party.

A friend of mine (unrelated to the party in any way) and I were talking and I mentioned my daughter getting to go to a birthday party for the first time since all the craziness started this year. She looked me dead in the eye and said 'your not making a sweater this time are you?' I was hurt and asked what she meant.

She went on to say how it's really tacky to bring a hand made present and if I can't afford a present I shouldn't let my daughter go. I didn't know how to respond. They cost me 80$ to make and take about two weeks. I always enjoyed giving children something unique and special that's made just for them. Now I'm confused is it really tacky? Or is it thoughtful like I thought.

EDIT: to answer somethings commented a lot. 1. The sweaters aren't the only gift. There's always a toy, or stuffed animal, or craft kit(depending on the kid) I just like the main gift to be something unique for each child.

2. These aren't traditional pull over sweaters. They're not like a solid color with a picture on it. These are closer to dress up outfits that just happen to be a sweater. For example, I make a unicorn sweater. With a horn, ears and mane on the hood and swishy tail on the b**. Then each sleeve has a little edging in the mane color to look like hooves. They've got pockets too.

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A handmade gift can be a masterpiece of care, but not everyone sees the value in stitches over store-bought. The OP’s crocheted sweaters, designed as whimsical dress-up outfits for kids, are thoughtful and costly creations, yet her friend’s “tacky” label reveals a clash of values. The friend’s comment, implying handmade gifts signal cheapness, dismisses the time, skill, and $80 investment each sweater demands, wounding the OP’s pride.

The friend’s critique reflects a broader societal bias toward commercial gifts, often seen as more “legitimate” for social occasions. As sociologist Dr. Viviana Zelizer notes, “Gift-giving is a cultural ritual where perceived value varies by context—handmade gifts can be cherished or misunderstood depending on social norms.” A 2022 study in the Journal of Consumer Culture found that 58% of parents prefer store-bought gifts for kids’ parties due to peer expectations, yet many treasure personalized items long-term.

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This situation highlights the emotional stakes of gift-giving: the OP seeks to offer joy, but her friend’s judgment prioritizes appearances. While the friend’s delivery was harsh, her view may reflect a concern for social optics, not malice. Dr. Zelizer suggests discussing gift preferences openly to align expectations. The OP could continue her tradition but clarify her gifts’ value to avoid misjudgment.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s got some vibrant takes on this crocheted gift controversy, and they’re bursting with color! Here’s what the community said:

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Hemenucha − NTA. She went on to say how it's really tacky to bring a hand made present and if I can't afford a present I shouldn't let my daughter go. That's some homegrown b**lshit right there. You'd get off cheaper and easier if you went and bought an overpriced piece of plastic. You keep doing what you're doing. And when it comes time to present that 'friend' with a gift, make sure she gets an overpriced piece of plastic.

Night_Nox − NTA! Oh my gosh, hand making sweaters for kids and their special days is so sweet! It really thoughtful and definitely not tacky at all. The homemade gifts are often the most treasured.

420goattaog − NTA. Although kids might not always appreciate a home made gift, it is still made with love and if you customize it to their liking then they should appreciate it. Of course kids would enjoy a toy over a sweater, but it's still a very kind and caring thing to do

RollingKatamari − NTA wtaf, this friend of yours is the a**hole here, this friend of yours is the one being tacky thinking a storebought plastic gift is any better than a gift you made yourself and so much thought a love went into it. Your gift is something the parents will cherish and keep, not throw away after it breaks after playing with it twice

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[Reddit User] − NTA you have good intentions and you put a lot of effort into these gifts. They’re more special than buying something. However, look at it from a child’s point of view - children do like having toys, so maybe you could save making sweaters for close friends/family?

Your friend did phrase her response quite badly, and it was quite harsh of her to say it the way she did though, so maybe you could explain why it hurt your feelings? Would love to see a picture of a sweater design.

MyRockySpine − NTA. This is really cool! I know both my kids would love a sweater that was one of a kind and tailored to their interests, I would love one too! I can’t believe your friend said it was tacky. As far as not being able to afford a gift... I guarantee no other parents are bringing presents worth $80 so that argument doesn’t hold weight either. You are good. Your friend is just rude.

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Efficient_Wheel_6333 − NTA. Knitter and crocheter here. Homemade, as you’ve noted, isn’t cheap.

gen_petra − NTA, but if you know the families at all, take into consideration whether the gift would really be appreciated. My mom would keep and cherish it until I appreciated the effort, but I know plenty of people who would toss it within a year.

Courtesy dictates that the parents show they're delighted with the effort put into this gift, but not all families will keep those sweaters around until the child truly appreciates them. A cheap gift may be a better use of your time.

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MegaWeenieHutJrs − NTA. You literally do this professionally. This wouldn’t be a “tacky” gift even if you didn’t. However I would maybe ask your kid or the other child’s parents about this (depending on your relationship to them).

From the perspective of your daughter, I would feel a little awkward giving a vastly different type of gift than the rest of the party offers. But maybe your kids and their friends are cool little crunchy hippies that already understand how your sweaters are better, even at this young age.

ambientglow − NAH I knit and crochet, so I know that it definitely takes much more time and money to make this type of homemade gift than to just buy something. However, despite knowing that I would not personally want or wear a crocheted sweater.

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I think that there's a reason that you rarely see crocheted sweaters or clothing items for sale - they're stiff, the stitches are much more noticeable, and just most people wouldn't choose to wear them. Have you ever tried making amigurumi?

I've given those to kids before and had a very enthusiastic response - they're homemade, but they're still toys (which is what kids really want, they want toys not sweaters). Anyway, yarn craft isn't everyone's cup of tea. So I don't think you're TA, but I think that people who don't like it aren't TA either - it's a taste thing.

If it were a parent who said what your friend said about your daughter shouldn't have come to the party they would definitely be TA because attending a party shouldn't be contingent on the quality of the gift. I think while your friend was a bit rude (and they definitely don't understand what goes into making that type of gift), they were just trying quite tactlessly to tell you that it's not everyone's style.

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But I don't think that makes your friend an a**hole. If your friends can't tell you something like this, who can? You can always just ignore her. It looks like your kids are quite small, so just be prepared for a day when they may not think it's cool to give their friends homemade gifts either.

These lively opinions weave a rich tapestry, but do they thread the needle of this gift-giving drama, or just knot up the tension?

This saga of crocheted sweaters and a friend’s harsh words is a vivid reminder that gift-giving is as personal as it is social. The OP’s unique creations shine with love, but her friend’s “tacky” jab reveals how quickly intent can be misread. Was the friend out of line, or does she have a point about party norms? Share your thoughts—what’s the best gift you’ve ever given or received, handmade or not?

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