AITA for making wife step down from her promotion?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a bustling office where a young couple, once equals, navigate a new power dynamic: she’s the boss, he’s her subordinate. Her promotion was a triumph, but the glow faded fast as work stress smothered their date nights and her critiques stung at the office. Frustrated, he slips to another team without a word, only to learn she’s stepping down from her dream role.

This Reddit saga serves up a spicy mix of love, ambition, and workplace drama. Was his quiet team switch a betrayal, or a desperate bid to save their marriage? It’s a story that crackles with the tension of balancing career and commitment, leaving readers to untangle who’s really at fault.

‘AITA for making wife step down from her promotion?’

This Reddit post dives into the fallout of a promotion that rocked a marriage. Here’s the husband’s side, raw and unfiltered:

My wife (F26) and I (M26) have been married for 2 years. We met at our current workplace, where we both worked as colleagues. Around 2 months ago, our manager left to focus on a different career path, as the position needed filling my wife decided to apply for the role (I decided not to just to avoid any conflict).

She deservingly got the position and technically became my 'boss' She was over the moon with her new position, excited for the change and looking forward to her new role. Let me mention at this point that I was and still am super happy for her but I didn't think things would change this drastically between us.

She's started to confide in me less and less regarding work stress as she thinks I'm not capable to understand what she's going through making me feel like I'm beneath her and has spent next to no time with me during work (lunch, breaks). She's been extremely hard on me at work aswell as always being on my case.

Without doubt her new position requires more commitment and so she does work more than I do, but apparently this gives her the right to always be 'exhausted' to put any effort in our relationship. We used to have weekly date nights yet since her promotion, we've not been on single one, when I try to organise something special for us she always makes some excuse, either she's busy with work or something else comes up.

I've tried talking to her, telling her how I feel but I always get the response 'well you're not in my position, you don't know how hard I'm trying'. Things were getting stressful at work so I talked to a different team manager and got transferred onto his team.

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When she found out, she immediately came to talk to me and was pretty mad that I did that without telling her, saying how it makes her look bad and incapable of her new role. Since then she's been avoiding me at work and not been her normal self at home.

I saw her crying, when I went to try and comfort her she just said it was nothing. The next couple of days go by and I find out from my team manager that she's going to be stepping down back to her normal position, effectively demoting herself. I know im responsible for this situation.

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This workplace-turned-marital mess highlights how professional shifts can strain personal bonds. The wife’s promotion thrust her into a high-pressure role, but her distance and criticism at work left her husband feeling sidelined. His team transfer, done behind her back, deepened the rift, leading to her drastic choice to step down.

Marriage counselor Dr. John Gottman notes, “Couples thrive when they address conflicts as a team, not adversaries” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that 55% of couples with one partner in a supervisory role report increased tension due to workplace dynamics (Source). The wife’s failure to confide and his secretive transfer scream poor communication.

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The husband’s feelings of being “beneath” her are valid, but going over her head to switch teams likely felt like a public jab. “Open dialogue about boundaries is key in dual-career couples,” Gottman advises. They could benefit from couples counseling to rebuild trust and set rules for work-life balance, like reinstating date nights.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit dished out opinions with the heat of a watercooler gossip session. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

madelinegumbo − NAH. Honestly astonished your workplace let your wife be your boss.

ApoliticalRat − A) You should have been transferred to work under another leader the moment she took the position. It's a conflict of interest for you to report to your spouse.

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B) You aren't at fault, and your title is slightly misleading on that front. You did not make her step down. She chose to step down. Your relationship with her may have been the reasoning behind that decision, but she made a choice.

C) The fact that she did not ask to have you transferred to a different team when she took the position effectively proves she was not ready for it -- should've been one of her first tasks.. ​. NAH. You're both under too much stress.

theincredibleape − I know im responsible for this situation. Not at all obvious from your post honestly. I think YTA because you're making this all about you, blaming your wife for being stressed, and taking a generally patronizing attitude about the situation.

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First of all, you put 'boss' in scare quotes, indicating that you don't really see her as your supervisor, even though in every sense, she was. So that's already a sign of dismissiveness disrespect. Because she's your wife, she's not really your boss... except she is. You just have a bad attitude about it, apparently.

Then you basically go on to blame your wife for being tired and stressed, almost as if that was something she was doing TO you. Maybe, just maybe, her being tired and stressed in a new, demanding job is NOT about you. Maybe! Just throwing out ideas.

' you're not in my position, you don't know how hard I'm trying'. ' Sounds like you didn't really try to understand how hard she was trying, then you went behind her back and undermined her by switching teams.

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CaptainJeff − NAH.. This is exactly why spouses shouldn't work for each other.. To have any workplace allow this is shocking.

alykalista − ESH- In my opinion it was pretty s**tty to transfer to another team without communicating with your wife first. I can see why she would be upset by this and why she might feel embarrassed. On the other hand if what you said is true she isn't communicating with you either. I think if you had both been able to work together and talk this through you could have both navigated this situation better.

Hydrium − NAH. Being married to a co-worker is infinitely different than being married to your boss and I'm shocked HR let that through, not many people can compartmentalize that properly.. It almost certainly would come down to either your job or your marriage.

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[Reddit User] − INFO I can't believe nobody saw this coming. Who's in charge of your office team?

ajacques717 − NAH. I agree with her to the fact that you probably don't know what she had to deal with at the higher responsibility, but at the same time, her not communicating to you about all of it wasn't very smart either. I understand that as her partner you still wanted to maintain the weekly dates and quality time.

But if work interferes there needs to be time from both of you to come up with a new plan to adapt to. That doesn't make you an AH. Transferring to another team may not have been the best course of action, but maybe bringing that up could have 'opened her eyes and ears' to help her understand how you felt about the entire situation.

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Relationship-wise I think seek some counseling to break down this communication barrier that came up after she had gotten promoted. Marriage is about supporting each other and being the ultimate team. Problems come about when that teamwork starts failing.

bokay_oomer − NTA. You're already off her team, her stepping down is just her being SUPER dramatic. This will be a thing forever. Convince her to keep the job or your marriage is pretty much over.

jallove2003 − NTA Your marriage needs to come first. Promotions will come and go. At the end of the day it's just a job.

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These Reddit takes are as bold as an office memo, but do they miss the memo on fixing a fractured marriage?

This tale is a tangy blend of ambition, love, and missteps. The husband’s team switch was a cry for relief, but did it push his wife to sacrifice her career? Could a heart-to-heart have saved their spark without her stepping down? What would you do if your spouse’s job strained your relationship? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a career clash that tested your partnership?

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