AITA for giving my date a cookbook for dinner instead of an actual dinner?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Imagine a candlelit dining table, set for a cozy second date, where the air hums with anticipation. A woman, buzzing from a dreamy first date, welcomes her new guy into her home, expecting a night of flirty banter. But when he insists she must cook because he can’t, her playful spirit flips the script, serving up a beginner’s cookbook instead of dinner. The table turns from romantic to rocky in seconds.

This Reddit gem dives into the spicy clash of expectations and witty comebacks. Was her cookbook stunt a clever jab at outdated gender roles, or a passive-aggressive misstep that tanked a budding romance? It’s a tale that mixes charm, cheek, and a dash of drama, leaving us wondering who really stirred the pot.

‘AITA for giving my date a cookbook for dinner instead of an actual dinner?’

This Reddit post dishes out the details of a date gone wrong, where a cookbook became the main course. Here’s the story straight from the poster:

So I have been seeing this really cute guy from another town for a while. We went out on a first date and it was nothing short of sweet. We exchanged contact info/social media and started regularly talking. A LOTlol. So for our second date he texted me saying he wanted a more 'private' place instead of a restaurant.

He suggested coming over and I said ok. He texted saying I HAD TO COOK. This got me confused because I thought we were ordering takeout or something....I asked why and he said 'it's because I can't cook'. We endes the conversation and when he came over and sat down at the table.

He asked if I cooked and I said no, I had already placed a beginner's cookbook on an empty plate and once he removed the led he saw it and became confused. He asked what the deal was and I told him since he said he didn't want takeout or cook himself since he couldn't cook then I thought a cookbook is what he really needed.

He got so offended and said that he didn't expect such childish act coming from me. I argued that he basically expected me to cook although I offered other options. He argued back saying I was being passive aggressive and this was a complete turnoff for him. He said that I had to make it up to him and order takeout after I 'decieved' him when he expected me to cook since he was a guest.

We had an argument and I asked him to leave. He left and sent a text to me expressing his disappointment and shock for my lack of 'etiquette' and hosting manners. I tried calling but he didn't respond.. AITA? God! I really reallt really liked him but think that I went too far to prove a point.

ADVERTISEMENT

This dating debacle serves up a classic case of mismatched expectations and communication gone awry. The woman’s cookbook move was a playful, if pointed, response to her date’s blunt demand to cook, but it escalated a simple misunderstanding into a full-blown argument.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Early in dating, clear communication about expectations prevents resentment” (Source). The guy’s insistence on a home-cooked meal, paired with dismissing takeout, reeks of rigid gender norms—47% of singles in a 2022 Pew survey reported feeling pressured by traditional dating roles (Source). His reaction, calling her act “childish,” suggests an inability to handle pushback.

ADVERTISEMENT

The woman’s prank, while creative, leaned passive-aggressive, sidestepping a chance to directly address his demand. A frank conversation—like saying, “I’m not cooking, let’s order in or cook together”—could’ve kept things light. Experts suggest humor works best when it invites dialogue, not defensiveness. She might consider a follow-up chat to clear the air, if he’s open.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit brought the heat, tossing out opinions like spices in a stew. Here’s what the community cooked up:

ADVERTISEMENT

TCTX73 − NTA, he invited himself to your place and demanded you to cook for him....... Consider this dodged.

Elfich47 − NTA. Him with the “you have to cook” ordering you around. He was trying to set the tone of “you are going to cook” in this relationship. He did not want that kind of pushback. He was hoping to order you into cooking, backed up with a “but I’m the guest” kind of obligation pushed on you. He is trying to disguise his *ordering you what to do* by rushing to blame you for not accommodating his command.

The__Riker__Maneuver − He invited himself over because he wanted to get laid and thought demanding that you cook for him was the best way of making that happen ?!?. BAHAHAHAHAHA. Talk about dodging a bullet. This is some Neo in the Matrix bullet dodging skills. OP....you liked the man he was PRETENDING to be.

The guy who demanded you cook for him is the guy he is. Me personally, I would have laughed my ass off at the cookbook and then grubhubbed us some dinner and told her we're cooking something together in the future. NTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

Wetnosedcretin − He was saying I was being passive aggressive and this was a complete turnoff for him. He said that I had to make it up to him and order takeout after I 'decieved' him when he expected me to cook since he was a guest.

We had an argument and I asked him to leave. My friend, he has gifted you a bouquet of red flags. NTA but for the love of all that is holy delete his number. You deserve better and could find better under a large wet rock.

claypolejr − NTA. The '50s are on the phone and want their lazy sexist back.. Side question: did he take the book?

ADVERTISEMENT

Smitty_80013 − NTA. He WAY over-reacted. This could have been a really romantic eveing with you two together deciding to make something from the cookbook. Guess it is glad that he showed his true colors early.

Sweet__kitty − You were passive aggressive but he was rude to impose by insisting you cook for him.. But my vote is NTA:. 1) He imposed and insisted you cook for him, 🚩 A good partner would not have done this.

2) he refuses to learn and improve himself , 🚩There's no excuse in the Internet age. And a good match would have taken the critique in stride, maybe countered with a proposal to cook with you to instruct on a recipe of choice.. 3) He DARVO'd 🚩. My condolences on your loss but consider this a bullet dodged!!! The trash took itself out!

ADVERTISEMENT

FrobisherLetters − ESH. He shouldn’t have demanded that you cook, but you took the most passive aggressive route possible. You should have just told him upfront that you wouldn’t be cooking, so either he needed to step up or you’d be ordering takeout.

Making the plans knowing you wouldn’t be cooking and then handing him a cookbook was petty and unnecessary. Frankly, I would have canceled the date as soon as he demanded I cook. That’s probably what you should have done too.

Chelular07 − NTA and it doesn’t seem like you will miss out on anything with this guy. He EXPECTS you to be able to cook cause he can’t? I have an uncle and aunt, neither of them cook, they eat out every night and never once has my uncle looked at my aunt and said “you should cook cause I can’t” or vice versa. They like spending time with each other and they like to eat. They worked around it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Creative_Crab_8621 − NTA. Immediately ghost him and RUNNNN FOR THE HILLS!!!! This is controlling behavior don't take it. Best wishes.

These Reddit takes are as zesty as a kitchen showdown, but do they miss the recipe for resolving dating drama?

This story is a tasty mix of wit, romance, and a pinch of pettiness. The woman’s cookbook gambit was a bold move, but did it burn a bridge that could’ve been crossed with a simple talk? Her date’s demand to cook was a red flag, but was her prank the best counter? What would you do if a date dropped an outdated expectation on your plate? Share your thoughts—have you ever used humor to make a point, only to see it backfire?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *