AITA for ‘making a scene’ when my boyfriend eats more than half the ingredients while cooking?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy kitchen, the air buzzing with the promise of a fresh salad, vibrant avocados waiting to be sliced, and plump shrimp ready to sizzle. A Reddit user, let’s call her Anna, eagerly awaits her boyfriend’s culinary creation, only to find her plate suspiciously lacking the star ingredients. Frustration bubbles as she discovers her boyfriend’s sneaky habit of munching most of the good stuff while cooking. What starts as a quirky annoyance spirals into a full-blown kitchen showdown, leaving Anna wondering if she’s the jerk for demanding her fair share.

This tale of culinary betrayal strikes a chord with anyone who’s ever been shortchanged on their favorite dish. Anna’s exasperation, paired with her boyfriend’s casual shrugs, sets the stage for a relatable domestic drama. Is she overreacting, or is her boyfriend’s snack-attack habit a recipe for disrespect? Let’s dive into her story, explore expert insights, and see what the Reddit hive mind has to say about this flavorful fiasco.

‘AITA for ‘making a scene’ when my boyfriend eats more than half the ingredients while cooking?’

When my boyfriend cooks, he more often than not likes to munch on the food. For example, today he ate 90% of the avocado while making a salad. Because we always make our salads with the same ingredients I noticed I had no pieces of avocado in mine and asked if he forgot to add it.

He said he added it, and it must be on the bottom. It wasn’t. I then asked him if he can give me some of his (assuming All of it is in his plate). He said oh, I only have two pieces... I ask where is the rest and he shrugs. SHRUGS! Now, this has happened before. I buy a pack of 20 shrimps, he cooks a meal with it and I end up with 3 shrimps in my plate.

And so on...It’s funny the first time, but then it just becomes frustrating. So I tried to calmly get him to at least admit what he did. But instead he kept saying ‘it’s weird, I don’t know what happened’, which is not only a blatant lie, but an insult! What else could have happened to the avocado???

Anyways, I get angry and now he’s telling me I am ungrateful because he cooks all the time and the salad was fine without any avocado in it, which is true. And no, I don’t want to break up with him because of this. I just want to know if I am the a**hole for expecting certain ingredients in the meals he cooks.. We split the bill on all groceries so money is not the issue here.

Anna’s kitchen saga might seem like a small spat, but it’s a classic case of clashing expectations in a shared space. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, and something as simple as splitting groceries (and shrimp) evenly can reveal deeper dynamics. Anna’s frustration stems from her boyfriend’s refusal to acknowledge his actions, which feels like a breach of trust, even if it’s just about avocados.

This issue taps into a broader topic: communication breakdowns in relationships. According to a 2023 study by the Gottman Institute, 69% of relationship conflicts stem from poor communication, often over seemingly trivial issues (Gottman Institute). Here, Anna’s boyfriend’s deflections dodge accountability, escalating a minor annoyance into a trust issue.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments. When one partner turns away instead of toward the other, trust erodes” (Gottman Institute Blog). Anna’s boyfriend’s shrugs are classic “turning away” moments, dismissing her valid concerns. His behavior, whether intentional or not, signals a lack of consideration, especially since they split grocery costs.

To address this, Anna could try a collaborative approach: set clear expectations before cooking, like portioning ingredients upfront. Couples therapy or open discussions could also help her boyfriend reflect on his habits, especially if they hint at deeper issues like food hoarding, as some Redditors suggest. For now, Anna might consider cooking together to keep those sneaky snacks in check.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a buffet of hot takes with a side of humor. From calling out the boyfriend’s “outrageously selfish” munching to suggesting he might have an eating disorder, the comments range from fiery to empathetic. Here’s what they had to say:

aquasaurex − NTA So he eats 17 shrimp and you get 3 and he thinks you are overreacting?

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[Reddit User] − Never date anyone who lies to your face. ESPECIALLY about small things. If he will lie about little things, he is lying about EVERYTHING. NTA.

PinkedOff − You say you don’t want to break up with him over this, but it’s a serious red flag. Disrespectful as hell.. Edited to add: NTA

Twallot − NTA. That is just outrageously selfish of him. Wow. I actually made a pasta with prawns last night and I like to munch while I cook. I ended up eating about 5 prawns in my pasta and my husband had 15 because that's the original amount I had planned for each bowl.

I can't imagine eating almost all the good stuff while I'm cooking and then doing what your boyfriend did. Honestly, this might not seem like a big thing but it is. There's no way this kind of attitude and selfishness doesn't seep into other aspects of your relationship. And let's not ignore the lying on top of being greedy.

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deadlyhausfrau − NTA Honestly it sounds like he has an eating disorder if he is not aware of or is lying about sneak eating food.

[Reddit User] − NTA, he's not an animal he can wait a few minutes for food to be cooked.

Unit-Healthy − NTA. It's not funny, and he is lying to you. People who snack while they cook are really really annoying. Make the meal, and then eat it with everyone else. (Tasting a tiny spoonful to test for doneness or saltiness or oversweetness, etc. is not snacking). Look, he has 20 shrimp to start with. If you wind up with 3, that means 17 are someplace else.

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Check his bowl. If he has more than 3, like let's say he has 5, ask him why he has 5 and you 3?. Actually could you stand in the kitchen and watch him? Yes it seems petty, but it's not petty. Next thing you know, you've got $10 grand in your savings account, but then you check and you have $3 grand, and he shrugs? Uh, no.

NakedAndAfraidFan − NTA. He’s lying and gaslighting you about an avocado. What else will he lie about?

twiliesque − Your boyfriend has an eating disorder or some other unhealthy relationship with food. Period. And that does NOT make it ok for him to treat you like this-- especially eating 90% of something and then NOT serving you the other 10% is absolutely ridiculos behavior.

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It's probably a bit greed and a bit food hoarding. I don't have a typical eating disorder, but I have problems with food hoarding and am also the primary cook for me and my partner. It is sometimes hard for me to feel 'ok' giving away food i value, especially if I don't have it a lot.

He needs to learn that food for both of you is not a zero sum game-- you getting good food is a benefit to him, because he loves you. I basically always give my partner the best pieces or cuts of dinner, because I love her and want her to enjoy it. I think you two should eat seperatly for awhile while he talks to a therapist, does some soul searching, and pays for his OWN damn groceries.

BadWolfCreative − My SO does the same thing. He eats 1/2 a container of ham while making a sandwich. Then he complains he can't seem to lose weight even though all he had to eat was a small sandwich. (he's not huge or anything. Just a little soft and sensitive about it). It's so f-ing infuriating. However, I truly believe he doesn't realize what he's doing. Yours might not either.. NTA. But maybe you have to buy 2 packets of shrimps.

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These opinions are spicy, but do they cut to the core of Anna’s kitchen conundrum, or are they just Reddit’s signature over-the-top flair?

Anna’s avocado ordeal is a reminder that even small habits can stir up big feelings in relationships. Her boyfriend’s sneaky snacking and shrugging might seem minor, but they’ve sparked a real conversation about respect and communication. Reddit’s weighing in, but what do you think? Is Anna justified in making a scene, or should she let it slide for the sake of salad harmony? Share your thoughts—what would you do if your partner ate all the good stuff before dinner hit the table?

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