WIBTA for not inviting my poly friend’s partners to my wedding?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A storybook wedding looms in September, with 250 guests set to fill a grand venue with love and celebration. At the heart of it, a 25-year-old bride and her fiancé, Mike, lean on her best friend Marissa, a stellar maid of honor weaving magic into every detail flowers, dresses, and all. Marissa’s polyamorous life with Greg, Brandon, and Ace blooms with joy, a unique bond the bride doesn’t fully grasp but respects from afar.

Tensions simmered when Mike, wary of his conservative family’s stares, nudged the bride to trim the guest list, swapping Marissa’s trio for coworkers. Invites flew out, and Marissa’s quiet “oh” over the phone echoed hurt. A whirlwind of calls and texts followed, testing loyalty and love. This tale weaves dreams of a perfect day with the sting of tough choices.

‘WIBTA for not inviting my poly friend’s partners to my wedding?’

I (25F) am getting married in September. My husband, Mike and I are doing a big wedding for 250 guests. I've always dreamed of having a storybook wedding. I asked my best friend Marissa (25F) to be my MOH and she happily agreed. She's been a huge help to me in every step of planning the wedding.

Marissa is in a poly relationship and she has 3 partners. Greg (24M), Brandon (27M) and Ace (22NB). She's been with Greg for 5 years and was the first partner she had. They added Brandon and Ace over the course of their relationship with Ace being the newest member. They all date each other and seem to be happy.

I don't really 'get' it if I'm being honest but it's not my business. However the issue came into play when Mike (32M) pulled me aside and said while he loves Marissa he didn't feel like spending the wedding explaining her love life to his family. Which I understand, they are very conservative and hardly accept LGBT people as is let alone a LGBT polyset.

I had already reserved 4 spots of Marissa & co but my husband suggested he invite a few coworkers to take the partners spot and Marissa could come alone. I didn't want to ruin his big day so I agreed reluctantly.

I know I should have told Marissa from the get go but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So when invite went out she called me up immediately and asked why she didn't have a plus 3 invite. I explained to her exactly what I said above and she just said 'oh' and hung up.

Next thing I know Brandon is calling me and begging me to reconsider saying they promise they won't act like they are in a relationship but they want to be there for me. Except I can hear Greg in the background telling him tell me to f**k off and that I'm am a**hole and he doesn't even want to go.

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I explain to Brandon that I already gave their 'spots' to Mike's coworkers. Brandon says okay thank you and hangs up. Marissa texts me the next day saying she isn't coming unless they can go. Mike said he can't uninvite his co-workers now so it's not his problem.

I told him I would add them and pay the costs and he just said if I want to spend the whole time explaining their relationship to people than so be it but he isn't wasting his time doing it and will just send people my way. Our other friends think I'm an a**hole but Mike's friend and a few of my non mutual friends don't think i am. Just want some more unbiased opinions.

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Edit: I am the a**hole, that's for sure. I followed a lot of advice in this post and asked Mike what he thinks in the morning. He said to talk to Marissa first and see what she wants and we'll make it work. I also had him read over the post himself and he said that a lot of the comments opened his eyes on how he himself was coming off.

So we both decided to call Marissa together and beg for forgiveness. We called her and she was happy to talk. We explained our side of things but acknowledged that it was a massive f**k up and could have been handled so much better. We invited her and her partners, obviously and said we would be happy to whatever it takes to have them forgive us.

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She asked her partners about it and Brandon and Greg both agreed they would prefer to just 'split' the set up. So Greg and Marissa would be a couple for the wedding and Brandon and Ace would be a couple. They however would need to talk to Ace first (they were at work) and that they would get back to me. So that's where we currently stand.

Edit2: I never told Marissa I was inviting her partners, I just had a list of invites with Mike. I'm still the a**hole but wanted to explain that. Last edit: Ace got out of work a few hours ago and we all got on speaker phone and had a long conversation with this post pulled up.

The crew was all happy to be defended but did think people went a little harder than they would have even Greg. He actually laughed at me calling him self absorbed because he is lol. Anyway. We're all good :) they are coming.

They gave permission to tell Mike's parents. We called them after and they understood but said don't let Nanni know or she'll be asking questions all night. It's been a huge relief and I think we learned how to communicate better as a couple.

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Wedding bells signal joy, but this bride’s choice sparked a quiet storm. Not inviting Marissa’s three partners—Greg, Brandon, and Ace—aimed to dodge awkward chats with conservative relatives, yet it left a loyal maid of honor reeling. The bride’s reluctance and Mike’s firm stance reflect a tug-of-war between personal dreams and others’ comfort. A light chuckle fits: it’s no fairy tale when guest lists turn to battlegrounds.

This ties into a wider clash—balancing inclusion with social norms. A 2023 Pew Research study shows 67% of Americans now accept diverse relationships, yet resistance lingers in conservative circles. Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a polyamory expert, notes, “Excluding partners risks alienating loved ones, signaling their bonds don’t count.”. Her view casts the snub as a misstep, sidelining Marissa’s reality for others’ ease.

The bride’s delay in talking to Marissa fueled hurt, while Mike’s pivot to coworkers leaned on practicality over friendship. Both sides hold ground: the couple craves a smooth day, but Marissa’s crew deserves honor for her sake. Hiding the plan until invites landed was a clumsy slip, eroding trust. Communication’s the quiet hero here early chats might’ve softened the blow.

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Wise steps forward start with heart-to-hearts. The couple’s call to Marissa, owning the mess and inviting all partners, shows growth. Let them attend as they choose pairs or a crew—and prep a simple line: “They’re Marissa’s loved ones.” Focus on the day’s joy, not explanations. Growth and grace can mend this, keeping friendship strong.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit users largely tipped the scales toward YTA, calling the bride out for mishandling a dear friend’s feelings. Sidelining Marissa’s partners for conservative guests and coworkers struck many as a betrayal, especially without a candid talk first. The consensus leans sharp: prioritizing others’ views over a best friend’s bond stings deep.

Poor communication drew fire invites shouldn’t break tough news. Some nodded to the couple’s wedding-day rights, but most cheered the fix: inviting all partners after apologies. A wry take floats: with 250 guests, a few extra hearts blend in, no neon signs needed!

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OurMasterAM − YWBTA. Intentionally or not, you put the opinion of bigots over the reality of your friends. They likely feel betrayed, especially at the short notice. Could Mike's family be given a stern warning instead? Such as 'There will be no comments on people at our wedding. If you cannot keep it to yourself, you will leave'?

MoistQuiches − YTA already. They way you've handled this is awful and your husband sounds like an AH too. You are putting the opinions of your bigoted in laws (and I'm guessing husband too) over your actual friends. If you go through with this you will most likely permanently damage your relationship with you MoH.. Edit: typo

KittiesLove1 − 'Mike said he can't uninvite his co-workers now so it's not his problem.' - Ho - but you can uninvite your closest friend's partners? You let your AH partner be AH to your friends and to you, forces you to be a AH yourself to them - and it's 'not is problem'?. ​

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I think his family has a lot of money and that is the whole story. You get to plan your dream wedding with 250 guests and your dream life, and in return you do whatever his family wants, and the rest is 'not his problem'. Since you were so fast to sell out your best friend - I have no sympathy for you. ESH - your husband, his family, you, except your friend and her partners.

Molly_Hatchett − YTA, but for how you handled it. I can get not wanting to have to explain why someone is there with 3 partners; personally if this person is the MOH I think that means they're important enough to you to also include their partner(s)

(would you ask them to go solo if they were monogamous and gay to avoid having to explain that to conservative family?) but that's just me. At the end of the day it is your wedding.

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But you should've spoken to your friend about it beforehand. Getting an invitation with only one name in it is not the way she should've found it. I get that you didn't want to have to face her about it but you owe it to her to do that.

[Reddit User] − I’m poly and I think you aren’t the a**hole for not inviting all her partners, but I think you handled this horribly. She’s your best friend, you should have talked to her about your concerns. I told him I would add them

and pay the costs and he just said if I want to spend the whole time explaining their relationship to people than so be it but he isn't wasting his time doing it and will just send people my way. So do that. I get that his parents are conservative, but he didn’t say “my family will disown me” he just doesn’t want to deal with the questions. So you deal with it.

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MrJeanPoutine − ~~INFO: Is Marissa and the plus three going to be at the head table or is it just Marissa?~~. My previous question actually doesn't matter. YWBTA and don't be surprised if you're finding yourself a new MOH when Marissa justifiably backs out and calling Marissa a former friend.

I've been to numerous weddings and I couldn't tell you for the life of me, who the MOH was, provided I didn't already know them previously and I those whom I didn't know, I didn't talk to them, nor they to me.

As for the other guests, I've been to big weddings and small weddings and a lot of the people I've never seen again and wouldn't know them even if I ran into them. Since there's going to be 250 people, there's a small chance they'll never even meet and even if they do, so what?!

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You'll be so busy meeting and greeting everyone throughout that you won't have time to explain and simply refuse to make time to explain it to them. Unless Marissa et al are wearing big neon signs above their heads saying, we're in a poly relationship, chances are most people aren't going to take notice and if they do, so what?!

Lacroix24601 − YTA, it feels like a slippery slope, catering to bigots. I can guarantee you if you said that you didn’t want to invite bill and Bob because they’re gay, nobody (or at least they’d be the minority) on Reddit would support you. It’s only because polyamory is outside what many people consider the norm, that people are saying otherwise.

I am not polyamorous or anything but it’s not my job to police people’s relationships, explain them, or dictate what makes an “acceptable” relationship. And I certainly would never explain anything to bigots that “barely accept” LGTBQ persons. They don’t sound like people worth the effort.

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And I say that as a person who has put up giant boundaries on the bigots in my family bc bigots are not the people I want to cater to. If you were going to invite the polyamorous couple because you are friends and then you changed your mind to *accommodate bigots* that puts you squarely in a**hole territory.

substitute anything else: two gay men, two gay women, a transgender relationship, an interracial relationship, it would be a lot more obvious. I wouldn’t be surprised if your relationship with your friend is irrecoverably damaged from this decision. I hope the bigots are worth it.

ratsassdm − YTA. She’s already been a huge help to you planning the wedding and yet you do this behind her back? When your husband brought it up with you that’s when you should’ve discussed it with her.

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On top of that, you don’t just disinvite her new partners, you go as far as to now allow her to bring anyone? At the end of the day it’s your wedding, you invite who you like, but you had plenty of opportunities along the way to not handle this like an a**hole and you didn’t take any of them.

Mogwai_92 − YTA.. So it your husband to be. This is how you explain it - 'they are her partners' end of convo, why would any more than that have to be explained .. Here's an idea, why don't you uninvite the bigots instead of the person who has been by your side through all this and deserves far more respect from you than their getting

annie783 − YWBTA. I can’t even imagine how hurt your supposed best friend would be feeling right now. You’re inviting 250 people FFS and yet replace her partners for your fiancés coworkers without even a respectful conversation with her first? You care more about the opinions of others (random family members you’ll see how often?) than your best friend’s feelings.

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A dream wedding’s glow dimmed when a bride and groom wrestled with a poly friend’s place, nearly fraying a precious bond. Reddit and experts tip toward candor and inclusion, praising the couple’s late save. Friendship bends, then strengthens with apologies and open arms. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences below! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?

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