AITA For not telling my brother, who was on his honeymoon, that our father died?

In a haze of grief, a sister’s choice to shield her brother from their father’s death has fractured their bond. Hoping to preserve his honeymoon joy, she delayed the devastating news, only to reveal it after the funeral, leaving him reeling. This Reddit story pulls us into a raw clash of good intentions and unintended pain.

The brother, blindsided by a text and robbed of a chance to say goodbye, now shuns her calls. With family split over her decision, this tale of loss and misjudgment grips us, highlighting the weight of choices in grief.

‘AITA For not telling my brother, who was on his honeymoon, that our father died?’

This took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. My father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. During this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon. I made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news.

Our mother died years ago, so I am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. I told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until I say it's okay. I decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and I decided not to tell him until he gets back.

We had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. Some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and I explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. A few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought I should have told my brother, so I guess that is where the divide began.

A few days after the funeral my brother came out and I quickly texted him that our father died. He almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. I expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death.

I told him that this was going to happen eventually. He asked when the funeral would be and I explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. I hung up on him until he could calm down.

However since then, I have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. I understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand I did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life.

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Grief can twist even the best intentions into painful missteps, as this sister’s decision shows. By withholding their father’s death from her brother, she aimed to preserve his honeymoon bliss but instead stripped him of closure. His fury, fueled by missing the funeral, reflects a deep sense of betrayal, worsened by the abrupt text delivery.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief expert, states, “Funerals are vital for processing loss, offering a space to honor and begin healing” . The sister’s choice, though well-meaning, denied her brother this critical ritual, likely deepening his grief. His shock suggests he wasn’t braced for their father’s decline, despite known health issues, pointing to a communication gap before the honeymoon.

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This reflects a broader issue: navigating family grief. A 2020 study from the Journal of Palliative Medicine found 65% of bereaved individuals value funeral attendance for closure . The sister’s unilateral decision overlooked her brother’s need to mourn collectively, amplifying his isolation. A delayed funeral could have balanced both their needs.

To mend this, the sister might acknowledge her misstep in a heartfelt letter, as Dr. Wolfelt suggests, validating her brother’s pain. Organizing a memorial event could offer belated closure. Both could benefit from grief counseling to rebuild trust, turning this painful rift into a chance for healing and understanding.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit users largely condemned the sister, calling her decision to exclude her brother from the funeral unforgivable. They argued that while delaying the news was debatable, holding the funeral without him robbed him of closure, tainting his honeymoon memories. Many criticized the text notification as callous.

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A few saw her intent to protect him but stressed funerals outweigh temporary joy. The community’s verdict underscores the importance of shared grief and the lasting harm of her choice.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Putting off telling him is one thing. Having a funeral and not giving him the chance to attend is another. What you’ve done is terrible. You’ve taken away his only chance to say goodbye to his father. Youre lucky if he ever forgives you.

teke367 − YTA If the timeline worked out in such a way where you could keep this from him, but he'd get back before the funeral, I'd probably let you slide. But making him miss the funeral is pretty much unforgivable.

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DaiZzedandConFuZed − YTA. You didn't tell him until **after** the funeral? That's the most messed up part of this. Not all funerals have to happen immediately. Edit: Just to note. Not telling your brother your father died until after his honeymoon? Debatable.

Scheduling a funeral immediately and excluding your brother because 'you wanted it all over?' Not remotely debatable.. Edit2: Changed the language so that I can account for religious exceptions.

Greased_up_Scotsman − Undeniably YTA. A honeymoon can be rescheduled, the funeral cannot. Imagine all the love and support of friends and relatives, the stories shared, the comfort of family in a time of grief, the chance to have that last goodbye etc. You've stolen that from him and it can't be undone.

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If my siblings had done that to me I would be furious as well. What's more, you hung up on him, you made an awful decision and should have understood that a large part of the outburst was likely shock, grief and anger all combined.

ayalseinaj − YTA. I am so appalled. You seriously made your brother miss your fathers funeral. You didn’t tell him that his father was dead. Your intent may have been good, but these are not your decisions to make. He had a right to know as soon as everyone else did. He should’ve had the opportunity to mourn his dad with all of you. You took that away from him.

Dead_before_dessert − YTA....holy *s**t* are you the a**hole. *He missed his father's funeral because of you*, this was not your choice to make. You made a decision on his behalf and now he will *never* have that closure.

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Instead he now has the memory of his honeymoon tainted forever by the guilt and sadness of knowing that he was off enjoying himself when his father died.. How could you possibly justify this to yourself?

MaIngallsisaracist − YTA. I thought you were talking about a matter of hours or maybe a day so he could finish up his trip, but YOU HAD THE FUNERAL? And you told him by TEXT?! God, I hope you're a troll. If not I hope your brother cuts you off entirely, because you deserve it.

YFMAS − YTA. If my sister unilaterally decided I didn't need to attend pud dad's funeral there would be no coming back from it. You aren't necessarily an AH for waiting until he was back to tell him about the death but you are absolutely an AH for holding the funeral without him there.

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misskayla97 − As a funeral director, I cannot explain how important it is for people psychologically to attend a funeral. It is an extremely pivotal point in a persons grieving process, often helping people out of the “denial and anger” stage and into the “acceptance” stage of grief. YTA

disgruntledpelican25 − YTA. Also, please explain what you mean by saying you 'quickly' texted your brother. I really hope it didn't just say 'Hi, just to let you know Dad died' or similar.

This story of a sister’s misjudgment reveals how grief can unravel family ties. Her attempt to shield her brother backfired, leaving him with lasting pain. Share your thoughts below how would you navigate such a delicate decision in the face of loss?

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