AITA for being the rason why the family vacation has to be canceled?

At a family BBQ, a woman’s candid talk with her nieces about her arranged marriage for financial stability sparked a vicious clash with her judgmental sisters. Branded a “gold digger” yet expected to host a family vacation at her husband’s summer house, she pulled the plug after their insults, leaving the trip in ruins. This Reddit saga asks: was canceling the vacation fair, or an overreaction to family drama?

This story resonates with anyone facing family hypocrisy or defending unconventional life choices. Reddit’s cheering her stand, but should she have kept the peace? Let’s unpack this tangled web of loyalty and resentment, explore expert insights, and hear the community’s verdict.

‘AITA for being the rason why the family vacation has to be canceled?’

I married for money. My husband is with me for appearances, and we are happy with our arrangement. My husband and I married because I have all the 'qualifications' to please his family, and he takes financial care of me. We are very fond of each other and even love each other.

But not in the classical marriage sense. We are like amazing roommates with some benefits. He and I are free to live our life's independently and without stresses. He is not worried about being cut off from his family, and I am finally financially stable and am free to work my job that simply is not as economically beneficial.

The problem: My sisters have never approved of my decision. They say I sold myself. Which... fair. But still, we (used) to be civil with each other. Last week we had a family BBQ. I went without my husband. Everything was going great until my oldest niece (21) sat down next to me, and we started talking.

And then she asked be me, straight up, if I was with my husband for money. I explained to her how we met, our agreement and so on. She then asked me if I think it would be okay for her to pretend to be her gay best friend's GF. I told her it was up to her to decide and if there were no negatives to it (like her having actual feelings for him, someone getting hurt like a romantic partner etc.).

It was a lovely talk. Strike two was, apparently, when my other nieces asked me where my husband was, and I told them, that he was on vacation. They asked me why I didn't go with him, and I said that we only sometimes go together to vacations. We usually take little trips together but go on longer vacations with friends or family.

My niece (16) asked me if it was true what her mom and aunt said about me being a gold digger and I just said' I guess so'. Like, that doesn’t face me. I know my sisters constantly talk about me behind my back, and I am not ashamed about my marriage at all. So I see no need to lie. Later that night, my sisters cornered me, and we had a fight about my words with my nieces.

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They said it was completely inappropriate what I told them. That I am free to live my f**ked up life but to not let my niece think, that it is okay what I do. I called them small-minded and that I was only answering my nieces questions, and I was even honest. They are free to do their own decisions.

My sisters kept cornering me, calling me all sorts of names, and saying I was basically influencing their daughters negatively because I was miserable.. I said some words back and left, not talking to them the whole week. Now there is a huge fallout because I pulled out of the family vacation because of this fight.

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But the vacation would be at my husband's summer House. And as I am not going, my husband doesn’t feel comfortable lending my family the house. My family has been calling me a huge AH, and my sisters said that I was blowing things out of proportion.. AITA? SHOULD I STILL GO?

**Edit**: I am really sorry about my bad spelling. I am not a native speaker and actually struggle with grammar in every language. I tried to correct it.. *As to some questions:* Does my husband have a dark secret?: No. Also, I am not harming him by being open with my family. It is an unspoken secret. His parents care more that he is married. They do not care if it is a 'real' marriage.

*What qualifications do I have?:* I share his religion and frequent the church, I work with an NGO, I have a very limited social media presence, I have a good education, I am not very loud, and I am a good host. *Why was I encouraging my niece to be a beard?:*

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I was not. She asked me what I thought, what I would do, etc. She wanted to help a friend out, and we talked about that. We talked about what could go wrong, about the drawbacks etc. *Why do you blab so much about it?:* I do not. At the very beginning, I sat my parents down and explained to them.

They were okay with my decision. They only urged me to make sure I would be taken care of, even if my husband decided to divorce or if I wanted out. My sisters found out and 'confronted' me. Since then, I only talk about it, when I am directly asked. I never offer information about it. But I am also not going to lie.. I think that should be it.

This family fallout highlights the clash between personal autonomy and familial expectations. Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes in Family Stress Management that “non-traditional arrangements, like marriages for convenience, often provoke judgment when they challenge cultural norms, straining family ties.” The woman’s transparency with her nieces was age-appropriate and honest, but her sisters’ attack reflects discomfort with her unapologetic choice. Canceling the vacation was a boundary-setting move, though it escalated the rift.

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The conflict centers on hypocrisy: the sisters condemn her marriage but crave its perks. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that family members often exploit resources from relationships they criticize, as seen in the sisters’ expectation to use the summer house. Their insults, especially in front of nieces, model divisive behavior.

Dr. Boss advises addressing hypocrisy calmly to preserve relationships. The woman could have proposed a family meeting to set mutual respect rules before canceling the trip. For others, limiting contact with judgmental relatives or redirecting conversations to neutral topics can reduce tension.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community weighed in with fiery support for the woman, calling out her sisters’ hypocrisy and defending her right to live unapologetically.

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ElmLane62 - NTA.. Let's get this straight.. You married a guy for his money, and he married you as a cover. That works for you. However, your family judges you for it, UNTIL they don't get to stay at HIS beach house because they disrespected you.. 'You can't have your cake and eat it, too.'

atealein - NTA. You are the gold digger, yet they expect to reap the benefits of the gold even when they judge you for you. Entirely proportionate responce, OP. Also your nieces are old enough to start thinking for themselves and these are very good conversational topics which are better handled without parental scowl around.

Congratulations on your marriage. People forget that 'marry for love' is quite a recent thing and in not that distant past it was most like a business deal and if you could find a spouse that treats you with respect and you grow fond and friends together it was considered a successful marriage.

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It seems to me that's what you have, even if it is not the fairytale dream or the religious ideal. P.S. Since so many replies to me seem to lack at least some level of reading comprehension - here I stated 'you are **the** gold digger, yet they expect' - because her sisters call her that. Not that this is what I call her. Seriously, guys. Read the full text before you go off.

busyshrew - Your sisters are hypocrites if they so disagree with your life choices and find them so a**orrent, then they should not be accepting a family vacation at your summer house. Rather than berating you about being a 'f**ked-up' role model, they should look deep at themselves, at what values (money grubbing, hypocrisy, nastiness towards family members) THEY are showing their own children.

NTA. Don't feel guilty your marriage is your own business ('your' = yourself and husband), and definitely DO NOT HOST THOSE HORRID PEOPLE. I might reach out independently to the 21 year old to let her know the door is open, if you have a good separate relationship. But keep on living your life.

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No-Gap2946 - NTA they can’t criticise your Mariage and rip benefits from it. From what you say, both you and your husband entered you Mariage with eyes wide open AND you’ve never lied about it to your family.

You don’t need to be ashamed of it. Your nieces are 16+ and hear about your marriage from your sisters so nothing wrong with being honest. They’re old enough.. Tell your sisters the house is from your f**ked up life so you’re just saving them any further grief

RichSignal7022 - From your account it sounds like you said nothing wrong to your nieces. What were you supposed to say when your niece asked if what her mom said was true? No, she's a liar? It was really a no win conversation. It seems like your sisters are angry because you're not ashamed of the way you live your life,

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but it sounds like both you and your husband are okay with it and no one's being taken advantage of. If anyone's taking advantage it's your sisters, as they seem perfectly okay with benefitting from your husband's money when it means they get a vacation in his house.

There are so many posts on Reddit where the person says 'I am the reason X, Y and Z happened' when they're not the reason at all. The reason is that someone treated you like crap and there are consequences to behaving that way. Your sisters caused this, not you.. I wouldn't want to be in the same room as them, let alone go on vacation with them.. NTA

_mmiggs_ - NTA. The only reason your nieces brought up you being a 'gold digger' is that your family described you that way to them. That's your family's fault. Until they brought that up, you had a completely neutral 'sometimes my husband and I travel together, and sometimes we don't', which is fine, and it's not really anyone else's business how you arrange your lives.

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bunnybunny690 - Hahaha they f**ked up. Look you have a beneficial marriage. You went into to it opened eyes. It works. Hell it’s a happy marriage. Much more so than some who married only for love. Yours sisters are just mad love alone don’t pay the bills. Anyway I do love the irony that they hate your gold digging way so when the gravy train stops aka their freebie holidays suddenly your the bad guy.

Like don’t like my marriage/disrespect my marriage don’t have my money/freebies etc that come with my marriage. They f**ked around and are finding out. NTA unless you ever treat your sisters with this gold digger money then you would be because they clearly have no respect or care for you.

Knickers1978 - NTA So, you’re not allowed to be married for convenience and money, but your family want to use your husband’s vacation home for convenience and to save money? Talk about f**king hypocrites. What your arrangement is with your husband is between you and him, nobody else.

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If your sisters don’t like it, then they shouldn’t try to use that relationship to benefit themselves.. Not everybody wants to find the typical archetype of love and marriage. You do you and let them suffer.. Also, be sure to point out their hypocrisy.

theworldisonfire8377 - HAHAHAHA the irony of them being pissed off at not getting to use your husbands summer house, which they wouldn't have access to if you didn't marry for money, because they judged you and cornered you and complained about your life choices.

They can't have it both ways!! NTA. It sounds like you gave your nieces honest and reasonable advice. As for your sisters, tell them how hypocritical they are to complain about your life choices and marriage while all the while benefitting from said marriage by getting to use his resources.

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Acceptable_Bunch_586 - NTA, but I don’t think you need to be so harsh on yourself or your husband. All relationships are partnerships, and work in different ways. You clearly care for this guy and respect him, and he clearly trusts and respects you so frankly stop calling yourself names and accept that you have a good relationship with someone you care about. It all sounds very sensible and mature.

These takes roast the sisters’ contradictions, but do they overlook the nieces’ exposure to family tension?

This saga of a canceled vacation and sisterly scorn shows how personal choices can fracture family bonds. The woman’s decision to pull out was a stand against hypocrisy, but did it burn bridges too fast? Should she still go to mend ties, or hold firm? How do you handle family who judge your life while wanting its benefits? Drop your stories and thoughts below—let’s keep this debate rolling!

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