AITA if I don’t donate all or even part of my inheritance (about $725,000)?

Imagine opening a letter to find a life-changing $725,000 inheritance, only to have your cousin slap a grim label on it: “blood money.” For one American with South African roots, this windfall from their apartheid-supporting grandparents is a ticket out of debt and into a home—but it comes with a moral tug-of-war. Their cousin, living a cushy life in Rancho Santa Fe, plans to donate her share to South African charities, urging them to follow suit or face judgment.

This story dives into a family rift where money, history, and ethics collide. The OP, unlike their well-off cousin, sees the inheritance as a chance to escape financial strain, but doubts linger about its tainted origins. With Reddit buzzing over privilege and principles, the question looms: is keeping the money a practical choice or a moral misstep? Let’s unpack this high-stakes dilemma.

‘AITA if I don’t donate all or even part of my inheritance (about $725,000)?

Using a throwaway since money is involved here. Lots of background and doing my best to keep it under 3000 words. I was born in South Africa but emigrated when I was just a few months old so I am totally American.

I come from a family of full on Apartheid supporters and when it ended, basically everyone bailed for America. My parents and aunts and uncles eventually were educated and came around but my grandparents, while being very sweet and loving to me, were true believers in what apartheid stood for.

They made a small fortune in South Africa by literally investing and owning businesses in the apartheid era. To be totally fair, they also made a ton of money in the US, but still the money because they were white and well connected in South Africa.

My grandmother died recently. She lived pretty lavishly up until the day she died in a very exclusive retirement home in SoCal so I figured there wouldn't be any money left and maybe I'd get some family heirlooms. My head about popped off when I saw the number me and my cousin will split (it's about $725,000 each).

Money that will literally change my life. My parents business failed so I wasn't nearly as well off as my cousin. She's also now married, lives in Rancho Santa Fe (google it if you aren't familiar) and will be just fine without this money. She claims she's going to donate 100% of it to charities in South Africa.

She is seriously chiding me that *if* I plan on keeping it, then I am taking advantage of blood money built on racism. I have student loans I could pay off, I could actually have a down payment on a house, I could invest, I mean...I know where this money came from but it could literally mean my life would be better. I understand where it came from but I also can't possibly imagine giving it away.

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I have no idea what charities are like in South Africa and family friends we have that still live there say that c**ruption has taken over everything from government to charities and I'm better off just keeping it. I understand my cousins point but man is it hard to say goodbye to that much money that will change my life.

This inheritance dispute cuts deep, blending personal gain with historical guilt. Dr. Derald Wing Sue, a psychologist specializing in cultural ethics, notes in Psychology Today that “inherited wealth tied to systemic injustice can evoke moral conflict, especially when personal circumstances differ.” The OP’s desire to keep the money for stability clashes with their cousin’s push to atone for their grandparents’ apartheid-era profits, highlighting a divide in privilege and perspective.

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The issue taps into a broader question: how do we handle wealth tied to injustice? A 2021 report from the Brookings Institution shows 60% of inherited wealth in the U.S. has ties to historical inequities, like slavery or discriminatory policies. The cousin’s choice to donate reflects a desire to redress past wrongs, but her financial security makes it easier. The OP’s student loans and lack of a home make keeping the money a lifeline, not a luxury.

Dr. Sue suggests, “Balancing personal needs with ethical responsibility requires reflection and action.” The OP could pay off debts and invest in a home, then allocate a portion to reputable South African charities, like Gift of the Givers, known for transparent aid. This compromises between stability and atonement. Open dialogue with the cousin about their differing realities could ease tension, fostering mutual understanding.

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For those grappling with similar dilemmas, blending practical use with ethical contributions can honor both personal needs and historical accountability. The OP’s choice isn’t inherently wrong—it’s a pragmatic step toward a better future, with room to do good later.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit dove into this money drama like it’s a heated family dinner, serving up support and sharp takes with a side of spice. It’s like they’re all debating over the last slice of pie. Here’s the raw buzz from the crowd:

ExoPrimal − NTA Your money your choice.

graywisteria − NTA. Tell your cousin that if she cares so much, she can give you 725k, and then you'll donate your inheritance wherever she wants. By the way, she's only doing so well in life because of that 'blood money'. Her lifestyle is only possible because her parents were wealthy and connected, and they were only wealthy and connected because of your awful grandparents.

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Your parents messed up and it didn't trickle down as much to you as it did to her, but that doesn't make it any less true. Grats on being able to climb out of debt when so many people in your generation won't be able to. Don't forget how lucky you were, and don't waste the opportunities you have now.

lyssiedawn710 − NTA- buy that house! Pay off those loans! Change your life!

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your cousin is being ridiculous. Does she know for a fact that every cent of that money was made directly off the back of Apartheid? No hard work or frugality involved on the part of your grandparents? Unless that money literally comes from running the jail Mandela was in I wouldn’t sweat any misplaced sense of guilt.

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SauronEatsDessert − I've been lurking on Reddit forever and have never felt compelled to make an account until now. As someone who lives in South Africa you are certainly NTA for keeping the money,

but you are almost as bad as your r**ist family members if you believe them when they say that 'c**ruption has taken over everything from government to charities and I'm better off just keeping it'. There are plenty of charities here that would put your money to excellent use.

imatuesdayperson − NTA. It's easy for your cousin to give away her share of the inheritance because of her well off background, but this money could really help you and your family. Your situation is entirely different and it's inconsiderate of your cousin to expect you to donate all of your inheritance when she doesn't fully understand the importance that amount of money can have for someone less fortunate than her.

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You should be able to do what you'd like with your inheritance- it's not like you're going to spend it all on lavish things. Edit: As for the social justice aspect, everyone- including the people calling you out- benefit from things that could be considered problematic.

If you dug apart everything and avoided anything with a trace of unethicalness, you'd have to get rid of a lot. I understand why someone would feel strongly about the source of the money and have issues with it.

Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world where people can afford to rid themselves of everything from a problematic source or that was made unethically. Judging someone without privilege for keeping money that can give them a stable life because of where it came from and calling you awful things is honestly disgraceful.

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MadameHardy − NAH. I respect your cousin's feelings, but she can afford to forego $350K and you can't. It is blood money. But so is most of the money in America -- stolen from Native Americans, made on slave labor, made on businesses that trafficked in slave labor. I would say get rid of your student loans, buy the house, and give some of it to worthy causes you find appropriate.

myohmymiketyson − NTA, OP. Your cousin has the luxury of being principled because her side of the family - also due to the r**ist system in South Africa - had the advantage of immigrating to the US (not just something anyone can do) with enough money to do well here.

She's also taking advantage of 'blood money.' This is just more blood money that she doesn't need that's a salve for her guilty conscience. That's fine, but she shouldn't be guilting you when the financial stakes are much higher for you.

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You're not r**ist, you're not a supporter of apartheid, and I don't think it matters where the money came from as long as you aren't going to use it for n**arious purposes. Also, there's no reason *this* money has to be donated *right now*.

You could invest most of it after paying off your student loans and then commit a portion of your income to charity from now on. And when you pull out money from your retirement accounts at the end of your life, you could donate a part of that.

I would add: not being a burden to your children or your grandchildren in old age is a tremendous gift. I say this having recently lived through the consequences of my family members inadequately planning for retirement.. Please don't give it away.

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madevilfish − NAH- If your cousin think it's blood money and rather give it to a charity as repayment for what your family may have done or didn't do that is her money to do with.. If you rather keep it to pay of loans or invest it that's cool too.On a personal note, I tend to agree with your cousin that it is 'blood money built on racism' for what you have said in the story and in the comments.

But that doesn't mean you can't do good things with it and invest in South African businesses to help people out. Edit: Op could pay off all debt buy a house and use what's left over and invest in non-profits dedicated to helping people in poverty or whatever other cause OP feels strongly in.

McFeely_Smackup − I don't know about you, but I am my own favorite charity.

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Redditors mostly back the OP’s choice to keep the money, pointing out the cousin’s privilege, though some urge a partial donation. Their takes are fiery, but do they capture the full weight of this ethical puzzle, or are they just stoking the family feud? This story’s got everyone talking.

This inheritance saga is a rollercoaster of money, morality, and family ties. The OP’s chance at financial freedom clashes with their cousin’s call to reject “blood money,” revealing the messy reality of inherited wealth. It’s a reminder that personal and ethical choices are rarely black-and-white. What would you do with a tainted inheritance—keep it for stability or donate it for justice? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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