WIBTA for telling my daughter if she wants to quit a school play, she needs to sit down with the directors and tell them herself?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a bustling school auditorium, the stage alive with kids practicing lines, while one 11-year-old girl, let’s call her Sophie, slumps in her seat, crushed by a tiny role in the K-8 play. For Sophie’s mom, let’s call her Emma, this is a chance to teach her budding thespian about commitment and accountability, much like guiding a teen through bedtime battles. But when Sophie’s dad wants to swoop in and quit for her, co-parenting harmony hits a sour note, turning their family meeting into a drama of its own.

This isn’t just about a school play—it’s about raising a resilient kid in a world of disappointments. Emma’s push for Sophie to face the directors herself has her ex fuming, ready to email the school. Reddit’s taken the stage, offering takes as colorful as a theater spotlight. Is Emma’s tough-love lesson a standing ovation or a parenting flop? Let’s dive into this family script.

‘WIBTA for telling my daughter if she wants to quit a school play, she needs to sit down with the directors and tell them herself?’

11 year old daughter was given a less than desired role in her school play. It's a K-8 school and the play involves ALL grades. Kiddo started singing and acting at 7 and her after school activity is with a theater conservatory. She wanted something with some speaking lines, something with a bit more stage time/responsibility than she was given (it's a very small role)..

She absolutely does not want to do this school play now.. Her father and I are divorced and typically co-parent cohesively, but this is throwing a wrench. He cannot handle seeing our daughter upset and thinks the minuscule role is degrading. He wants to call/email the school.

I'm more pragmatic. Daughter's feelings and disappointment are valid, but she made a commitment when she signed up to audition, and unfortunately you don't always get a role you were hoping for. All three of us are going to sit down tonight to discuss this. He wants to let her quit and will do it himself. I'm of the opinion if she wants to drop out, she needs to have the discussion with the directors about it. Would that make me an a**hole?

Emma’s insistence that Sophie personally quit the play is a masterclass in parenting for resilience. Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist known for her work on growth mindset, says, “Teaching kids to face challenges head-on builds confidence and accountability” . Sophie’s disappointment is valid, but Emma’s approach mirrors the bedtime lesson of learning through consequences—quitting requires owning the decision. Forcing Sophie to confront the directors teaches her to navigate tough conversations, a skill vital for theater and life.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: fostering resilience in young performers. A 2019 study in The Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that 70% of kids in extracurriculars face setbacks that, when handled constructively, boost emotional growth . Sophie’s dad’s urge to intervene risks undermining her agency, while Emma’s stance empowers her to learn from disappointment. His protective instinct is understandable but could foster entitlement if unchecked.

Dr. Dweck advises, “Guide kids to see setbacks as opportunities.” Emma could coach Sophie to discuss her feelings with the directors, perhaps asking for feedback to improve future auditions. This balances honoring her emotions with fulfilling her commitment. If Sophie quits, doing so respectfully keeps doors open for future roles. Emma’s approach, though firm, sets Sophie up to shine brighter than any stage light.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit stormed the stage like an enthusiastic opening-night crowd, tossing out opinions with the flair of a seasoned director. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

[Reddit User] − NTA. You are teaching your daughter to handle her own conflicts, manage disappointment responsibly, and honor her commitments. Sitting down with the directors to ask what she can improve on to get a better role in the future would be a great call,

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and hopefully it will help her realize that quitting won't lead to any positive outcome. If she shines in the role this year, next year she might get something bigger. Her dad wants to be one of those parents who throws a fit when his precious angel doesn't get what she wants, and encourage her to have the same attitude.

gratefulnothateful11 − NTA. This is an important moment for your child. This is about honoring a commitment she made even when things don't go her way, which is an extremely important life lesson. When I was a junior in HS (USA), I played for one of the school's athletic teams. About 3/4 through the season, I found the situation with the new coach (hired that year) untenable,

and really wanted to quit (for context, I played freshman/sophomore year as well, so I knew how I should be feeling with a supportive, helpful coach). I talked to my parents, and they agreed to let me quit so long as I had the conversation with the coach myself. She ended up acting like a child and storming away about halfway through my explanation,

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but it didn't matter - my parents made me stand up for myself, by myself, and it was a pivotal moment for me to realize I needed to control my own destiny - not let my parents deal with it because it was uncomfortable. I think you're right to make her sit down with the directors and explain her feelings, but ultimately if going will make her miserable, you have to let her withdraw.

[Reddit User] − NTA and everything you pointed out is true. She did sign up, she isn't always going to get the role she wanted, and she did make a commitment. These are all great lessons to start learning now.

havartna − NTA. There are no small parts, only small actors. If she wants bigger roles she should start paying her dues NOW. Period, the end. If it were me, I would insist that she not quit and do the absolute best that she was capable of in that smaller role.

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Alternative-Lion-427 − Theater professor here, if one of my students quit because they are too good for a small role, I would never cast them in a larger role. I would rather have ten mediocre students who show up every day than a diva who gives attitude because they have an ounce of talent.

SnooWords4839 − NTA - but I would add, she shouldn't quit because she got a role she didn't like, but needs to follow thru. There will be many situations with school and jobs that you just don't quit because you didn't get what you want. I would try the approach, any role is good experience and as you work with the people doing the play, they will see she is committed, and hardworking vs upset and quitting.

ChrissMiss_Mom − OMG this is such a GREAT life lesson opportunity! Yes if she feels that way she deserves to resign. This is the opportunity to go over how not to burn bridges how to leave a job properly and value yourself. There will be jobs in the future when she asks for a raise and doesn’t receive it and wishes to leave her job or it’s a toxic place.

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To go over the pros and cons with her of toughing it out (will it increase future prospects?) can we leave this project but leave with an open door for future plays or to how to just walk away head held high. You are NTA for wanting to use an opportunity like this to help her grow.

rpepperpot_reddit − NTA. Point out to her that some of the greatest actors have taken insignificant roles\*, and if she wants to become a true professional she should stay in the production and portray the character to the best of her ability. Even a small part can shine with the right person playing it.

\*Examples: Doug Jones got his start wearing a giant moon-head in a fast-food restaurant commercial. Robin Williams had what was supposed to be a one-time appearance as an alien on 'Happy Days,' ended up having that character spun off into the very successful 'Mork and Mindy.' Tom Hanks also got his start with a one-time minor role on 'Happy Days.' Geena Davis's first role was about 5 minutes of screen time in 'Tootsie.'

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ToreenLyn − NTA. You are teaching her to be responsible for her actions and commitments. You are teaching her how to adult and accept disappointment. These are very important lessons for a budding thespian.

Hennahands − NAH, I get your point but actually people turn down theatre roles all the time. Your kid sounds like she takes this really seriously. She likes to act and sing but a play is not a group project. Think of this as turning down a job offer you don’t feel is commiserate with your skill level.

These Redditors gave Emma a standing ovation for teaching responsibility, while some called her ex’s approach a script for spoiling Sophie. Others urged her to push Sophie to stick with the role for growth. But do their takes steal the show, or are they just backstage chatter?

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Emma’s push for Sophie to face the play directors herself is a bold move to teach accountability, echoing lessons of self-regulation from bedtime battles. With her ex ready to take the easy road, this family drama highlights the tightrope of co-parenting. Will Sophie learn to handle disappointment like a pro, or is Emma’s lesson too tough for an 11-year-old? What would you do if your kid wanted to quit a commitment? Share your thoughts below and let’s spotlight this parenting saga!

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