AITA For making it “obvious” that my son is still in diapers?

Imagine a sunny park picnic, laughter in the air, and a 7-year-old twirling in a bright dress, carefree and beaming. For one dad, this joyful scene is overshadowed by family tension. His son, autistic and urinary incontinent due to past trauma, loves rompers and dresses, but changing diapers in public is a logistical nightmare. Dad’s clever solution—sewing snaps into outfits—has sparked a feud with his sister, who fears it invites stares and bullying. The clash of practicality and perception sets the stage for a heartfelt dilemma.

This father’s love shines through his hands-on approach, stitching comfort into his son’s wardrobe while navigating a world not always built for accessibility. Homeschooling shields his son from peer judgment, but family gatherings have become a battleground. His sister’s relentless critique—hinting at embarrassment over “girls’ clothes”—stings, pushing him to avoid her. Readers can’t help but wonder: is this about bullying, or something deeper?

‘AITA For making it “obvious” that my son is still in diapers?’

My son is seven, and suffered some trauma when he was younger and is now urinary incontinent. He is also autistic. He is a big fan of rompers and one piece outfits as a whole (dresses, overalls, etc) and changing him in them is pretty difficult, especially in public.

As such I've taken to pulling the leg seams apart and sowing buttons or snaps into them. With his dresses I do stitch shorts into them so his diaper isnt on show (he likes lifting his skirt up and twirling). My sister feels like I'm setting him up for bullying.

He's homeschooled, so I dont feel its a huge issue, but now its gotten to the point where she's constantly berating me every time we meet, consistently saying its too obvious and people stare. I dont really care, my son doesnt notice, and I'm above getting him completely n**ed in a public stall.

He generally has to lay on the floor too because nowhere is disability accessible, which is gross even with clothes on. I feel like a huge part of her issue is the fact that he generally wears 'girls' clothes, although she's never mentioned it. My parents are now insisting that I should just put him in pants whenever we meet up so its less obvious.

I still think its a stupid idea.. Am I the a**hole? For now I've just had to stop seeing her because she makes everything so uncomfortable.. (He/him for me, thank you). Friendly reminder that I am a man! I appreciate all the lovely comments, but I am a papa (:

This dad’s creative clothing hacks show devotion, but they’ve stirred family friction. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, notes in her article on Aha! Parenting that “supporting a child’s individuality fosters resilience, especially for neurodivergent kids.” This father’s approach aligns with prioritizing his son’s sensory comfort, crucial for autism, over societal norms. His sister’s bullying fears, while valid, may reflect her discomfort with non-traditional gender expression rather than real-world risks.

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The conflict highlights a broader issue: society’s struggle with visible disabilities and gender nonconformity. A 2021 study from the National Autism Association shows 65% of autistic children face sensory challenges, making clothing preferences vital for emotional regulation. Forcing pants on this boy could distress him, undermining his confidence. The dad’s homeschooling choice mitigates bullying risks, but his sister’s focus on “stares” suggests a deeper bias against the dresses.

Dr. Markham advises, “Parents should advocate for their child’s needs while gently educating family.” This dad could explain his son’s sensory and medical needs to his sister, bridging the gap. Offering to discuss accessibility challenges—like the lack of changing facilities—might shift her perspective. For families facing similar issues, open communication and boundary-setting can ease tensions while honoring a child’s unique needs.

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Ultimately, this father’s ingenuity deserves applause. By tailoring clothes, he ensures his son’s comfort and dignity. Families navigating disability and societal judgment can find inspiration here, using creative solutions and firm advocacy to prioritize their child’s well-being.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew dove into this dad’s story with gusto, serving up a mix of cheers and reality checks. It’s like a lively group chat where everyone’s got an opinion, and the emojis are flying. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

Depressed_Giraffe_12 − NTA at all. Having a special needs kid is tough, and you are doing your best to accommodate him. Your sister needs to step off. Big hugs to an amazing dad. 🌺. Edit: my first ever award! Thank you kind stranger. 🥰

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Efficient-Leek − Nope. NTA. I'm a mom of 2 autistic kids, an 8 year old boy level 1, and a 10 year old girl non verbal level 3. You are doing the best you can with what you've got, and in a great way. You are letting your son do what is comfortable to him and not making a big deal about it.

My daughter is in middle school and still in pull ups, not a single kid there 'bullies' her. She even has friends in the neighborhood. Some of the kids she goes to school with like her enough to play with her outside of school.

You'd be surprised at how much nicer kids get as they are older, also, how much more understanding they are in general than they were when we were kids. I'm not saying bullying isn't a problem.

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I'm saying your sister is inventing scenarios in her head out of anxiety that just might not be an issue. Forcing your autistic kid into a box that he doesn't fit in is ultimately going to do more harm and be more stressful than putting him in overalls and rompers.

Evil_Mel − NTA. Your son is special needs and has a medical condition, who are they to tell you how to dress your child? I am with you, I believe this is because he likes to wear dresses and you allow him to. Giving a child happiness from wearing clothing he likes isn't wrong.

AkiliosTheWolf − NTA. Your son should dress however he wants, what he wears is none of other people's business, if he wants to wear a dress so be it. I bet your sister wouldn't like if you reprimanded the way she dressed because it's not for a 'woman' and she would say she is entitled to her own body,

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but why can't it be the same for your son? NTA, but an amazing parent, most parents would reprimand the child and make them wear something they didn't want for social status, but here you are sewing clothes for your son.

stingy_liger − NTA, I don't understand your sister's logic. Surely bullying behaviour is the issue, not a child at risk of being bullied?. By that logic we should hide away all signs of genders, religions, race, personal beliefs, etc.

Let's put everyone in khaki jumpsuits with no right to individuality (superlative, not a suggestion). Wearing the diaper is clearly a necessity. Your child's preferences in regards of clothing is another thing and just an expression of individuality.. I'm my view your sister is bullying by proxy.

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NerdyHalfling − Woah, definitely NTA. Your sister doesn't get to mandate what your son should wear, and I think it's great that you've found a way to make it possible for him to wear what he wants while making changing him as smooth a process as possible.

deviousboffin − A 7 year old boy in diapers and a dress is going to attract stares and comments and weird looks wherever he goes regardless of anything else you do, so I doubt it really matters. He might be oblivious to all that right now,

but unless he’s seriously intellectually disabled, that won’t be the case for much longer, he will notice how people look at and react to him, and you’re going to have to think about how you deal with that. Not sure how cutting off your sister is going to help with any of that.

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GrayManGroup − NTA. Not sure if you meant physical or mental trauma, but regardless it doesn't sound like recovery to the point that he doesn't need diapers is a priority/option so you're making due as best you can. It sounds like your sister and parents are overestimating how closely people pay attention to other people's kids.

Whatever2030 − NAH both of you are trying to do the right thing for your son based on your POV. However I do think your sister may have a point re: bullying. Yes kids are more accepting now, but it still happens.

Also at 7 you have to consider what will happen with him later in life and work with his therapist accordingly. You sound like you are having a tough time so right now you are doing what’s needed but please also consider his needs long term

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Nay_nay267 − NTA As someone with autism, let me tell you, your sister is being redicilous. I bet it is not as much the diapers, as it is him wearing 'Girl clothes.' Tell your sister to shove her uneducated opinion way up her butthole.

These Redditors rallied behind the dad’s resourcefulness or questioned the sister’s motives, with some suspecting her issue lies with the “girls’ clothes.” Their takes range from heartfelt support to pragmatic advice, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

This dad’s journey is a masterclass in putting love into action, stitching solutions for his son’s comfort while facing family pushback. It’s a reminder that parenting, especially for kids with unique needs, often means defying norms and weathering criticism. His story sparks a bigger question about balancing individuality with societal expectations. What would you do if you were in his shoes, navigating family tension to prioritize a child’s happiness? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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