AITA for not being able to help my son with childcare the same way I did for his brother because I’ve gotten divorced?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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In a cozy nursery, a 57-year-old grandmother longs to cradle her newest grandchild, but a bitter family rift keeps her away. Freshly divorced, she’s juggling full-time work and dwindling retirement savings, unable to take a year off to help her eldest son with childcare as she did for his brother three years ago. Her offer to babysit after work isn’t enough for him—he accuses her of favoritism and bars her from seeing his baby, shattering her heart.

This isn’t just about babysitting; it’s about clashing expectations and the sting of financial realities. Her son’s anger feels like a punishment for her divorce, but was she wrong to prioritize her stability? As family ties strain under the weight of unmet assumptions, this story will tug at your heart—read on to decide who’s in the right.

‘AITA for not being able to help my son with childcare the same way I did for his brother because I’ve gotten divorced?’

I've very recently divorced my husband. We had fundamental differences and despite our sons' objections, the divorce went through. This has meant that I will need to work full-time instead of part-time for 5 more years if I want to retire comfortably. I'm 57 now.

When my youngest had a child 3 years ago, I took time off work and stayed with him and his wife to help with childcare. I did this for nearly a year.. But this was before the divorce and I had my then husband's financial support.. My oldest has now had his child a month ago and he asked me to do the same.

I cannot afford to take a year off of work. I have rent and bills to pay and I need to top up the retirement funds I got in the divorce. He told me to sublet my place for a year, but it's just not feasible for me. I can't be sure my job will let me return after taking a year off again..

I was extremely apologetic and I offered babysitting after my work anytime they needed it. But this has upset my oldest greatly and he's accusing me of favoritism. He assumed I'd treat both my children the same and that he'd planned their maternity/paternity leave and finances around me helping.

He called me a bad mother for treating my kids differently. Even more devastating is that he hasn't let me see my new grandchild in person.. Was I wrong here? This has broken my heart more than my divorce has.

Navigating family support after a life-altering divorce is a tightrope walk, and this mother’s struggle highlights the pain of mismatched expectations. Her inability to replicate past childcare help isn’t favoritism—it’s survival. Her eldest son’s assumption that she’d provide the same support, without confirming, set the stage for hurt, while his refusal to let her see her grandchild feels like emotional manipulation. The divorce clearly looms large, possibly fueling his resentment.

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This reflects a broader issue: 61% of families face conflicts over unequal support post-divorce, per a 2023 Journal of Family Issues study. Dr. Susan Heitler, a family therapist, notes, “Open communication about changing circumstances prevents assumptions from fracturing families”. The son’s failure to discuss plans beforehand escalated the conflict, while the mother’s offer to babysit shows her willingness to help within her means.

Advice: She should initiate a calm conversation, saying, “I love you and want to support you, but my situation’s changed—let’s find a way to work together.” Enlisting her younger son to mediate could help. If the eldest remains hostile, professional family counseling might bridge the gap.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s dishing out takes sharper than a new diaper pin. Here’s what the community had to say, with some fiery opinions on family and fairness:

SatelliteBeach123 - NTA. Your son is acting like the baby here. You have ZERO obligation to raise HIS child. If he truly can't see that your circumstances have drastically changed since you took time off for your other grandchild then shame on him - he's either incredibly stupid or selfish or entitled or a combo of all three.

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NGDGUnpunished - NTA. He should have discussed this with you in detail before planning his entire life around your availability. He's old enough to have a child, so he's old enough to figure it out. Would he prefer you stay in a miserable marriage to serve his needs? Good luck in your new life chapter!

stunted_jest - NTA x1000. The help you give isn't a right, it's a gift. And it's a gift you sadly can't afford now.. he'd planned their maternity/paternity leave and finances around me helping.. This is awfully entitled of him, not to mention stupid. You did nothing wrong here.

Potential-Beyond-864 - He's immature and selfish. The circumstances in you're situation has changed and he should think about that and not only about himself. Ask him if he is willing to pay you something at least because you have to live and in order to do that you need money.

I now it hurts maybe try talking to your other son about the situation and maybe he can talk with his brother. Either way NTA! To be honest maybe if you back away for some time and not him get to you and guilt trip you for doing that he can see what he could lost

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NorthernLitUp - NTA. Your son is being hateful and vindictive. This sounds more about the divorce than anything. He's trying to punish you for it. They shouldn't have made plans around an assumption when your circumstances have so obviously changed. I'm so sorry you're being treated this way.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your circumstances have changed. If your son's old enough to have a child he should be old enough to understand this. He should have asked you before making plans and not assumed. The fault is all his.

Parsimonycake - NTA. Your son is behaving atrociously. Something is amiss in the family as a whole, given your reference to your sons' 'objections' to the divorce. Clearly they feel entitled to judge matters on which they have little perspective. I'm sorry this is happening, and I hope your son comes around.

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StAlvis - NTA. he'd planned their maternity/paternity leave and finances around me helping.. 'Well that wasn't very wise of you?'. Word of advice to all the parents-to-be out there:. #Don't have babies that YOU PERSONALLY can't take care of. You may assume that you'll have this *great, always-available* support network, and that your life will be able to carry on with little disruption. And you would be a fool for that.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Not. At. All. Your son is clearly entitled and in the wrong here. He wants to be treated equally, yet doesn't realize that if you would do the SAME as you did for his brother, you would clearly be favouring HIM.

You didn't had to quit your job, sublet your appartement and put your life upside down when your youngest had his baby. Yet, here he is, asking you to do WAY MORE than what you did for your other son.

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Comprehensive_Fly350 - NTA. Maybe he should not have had a kid if he can't take care of him/her. Plus why doesn't he asks his dad to sacrifice one year of his job and salary to go and help? Ho yeah i remember,

we only expect this kind of sacrifice from women, even if it means putting them in a bad situation themselves. He is egoistical to not understand it changed, and to ask you to sacrifice your retirement. And also he could ask to the inlaws or a nanny.

These Redditors are backing the mom, but do their calls for the son to grow up miss his perspective, or are they on point?

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This heartbreaking story asks: when do personal limits justify saying no to family? The mother’s financial constraints clashed with her son’s expectations, leading to accusations of favoritism and a devastating cutoff from her grandchild. Was she right to prioritize her future, or should she have found a way to meet his needs? Share your thoughts—what would you do if family assumed your help without asking? Let’s dive into this emotional family tangle and sort it out!

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