AITA for expecting my husband to help with newborn “night” wake ups?

In the hazy glow of a 3-month-old’s nursery, a new mom battles exhaustion while her baby’s cries pierce the pre-dawn silence. At 30, she’s navigating the newborn fog, pumping breastmilk and handling night feedings solo, only asking her husband to take over at 6 AM a few days a week. But his grumbling about “needing to work” turns her plea for rest into a marital standoff, leaving her wide awake and fuming at 7 AM.

This isn’t just about a bottle or two—it’s about partnership under pressure. As a stay-at-home mom, she’s not on duty 24/7, yet her husband, working from home, seems to think parenting is her sole domain. With Reddit as her sounding board, she’s asking: is it fair to expect him to step up, or is she asking too much? Dive into this sleep-deprived drama and weigh in.

‘AITA for expecting my husband to help with newborn “night” wake ups?’

My (30F) husband (40M) and I have an adorable 3 month old baby boy who, like many 3 month olds, doesn’t sleep through the night. For the past month his wake ups have dropped to 1-2 times a night (where night is after I dream feed him between 10-midnight and before 6AM).

I do these wake ups but ask that if the baby is up after 6AM he does the feeding so I can get some sleep. Our son is breastfed but I pump so he has a bottle in the fridge to use. My husband was consistently complaining about having to get up at 6 so I renegotiated that he would do 6AM or later 4 days a week with absolutely no complaining.

When he starts complaining he has to help with “night” feedings it makes me angry, which wakes me up enough I can’t go back to sleep so I’m not getting any benefit from him sharing the load. I quote night because I feel 6AM is morning and there are many people without children who get up that early to get things done before work.

My husband has been working from home the entirety of our son’s life due to [the current viral situation that if mentioned by name will trigger a bot to remove my post], so left to his own devices he would normally get up 7:30-7:45.

He is the breadwinner and I am leaving my job to stay at home for a few years and care for our son. However I don’t think being a SAHM means I am on the clock 24/7 for all the “tough” parenting and he swoops in here and there for a few diaper changes and some playtime.

Last night I fed our son at 11:20 and when he woke up at 4AM. I asked my husband to get the baby when he started crying at 6:20 and he said “babe we really need to figure something out because I have to work.”

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I think what we need to figure out is how he can get the f**k up out of bed without complaining to go help with parenting our son. It’s 7AM and I’m so irritated I can’t sleep so I’m making this post. AITA for expecting my husband, who works, to feed the baby when he wakes up after 6AM so I can catch up on sleep?

ETA: I appreciate all your responses, even those from people who have clearly never cared for a baby (you’re not hard to spot). My husband says he’s been sufficiently internet shamed and will go to bed earlier.

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I feel compelled to add I don’t think he’s a bad partner or dad, the newborn phase is just tough and we’re first time parents still figuring out (despite extensive pre-baby planning and ongoing discussions) how it will all come together in a way that works for both of us and our son..

Newborns turn households upside down, and this mom’s frustration highlights a common parenting rift. Handling all night feedings while her husband, the breadwinner, complains about 6 AM duties isn’t just tiring—it’s unfair. His reluctance to adjust, despite working from home, dismisses her role as a full-time caregiver, which is as demanding as any job. Her anger at his complaints disrupting her sleep is valid; it’s a partnership, not a solo gig.

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This reflects a broader issue: 63% of new parents report conflicts over unequal childcare duties, per a 2023 Pew Research study. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Equitable division of labor builds trust and prevents resentment in partnerships”. The husband’s complaints signal a need for better communication, not an excuse to opt out.

Advice: Set a clear schedule—perhaps alternating mornings or setting earlier bedtimes for him. A discussion like, “We both need rest to be our best; let’s share this load,” could align them.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got opinions as bold as a baby’s wail at midnight. Here’s what the community dished out, with some fiery takes on parenting and partnership:

justanotherstr4nger - NTA. Raising and taking care of a child is both parents' 'job' to do.

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toomanyburritos - NTA. Let's say your husband works 8 - 5pm (at home or out of the house, whatever.) So his job is 9 hours a day. You're a stay home mom, that's your job. So pick 9 hours of the day and tell him those are the times you're responsible for full childcare. For convenience sake, let's also make that 8am - 5pm. Boom, now you both have full time jobs.

Anything that happens between 5pm - 8am is now shared between the two of you. Just because he gets to drive home from a building doesn't mean he has finished his responsibilities for the day, and just because you don't get to drive away from your job doesn't mean you're on the hook for it for the rest of the night.

[Reddit User] - Absolutely NTA. 6am is not much earlier than he is normally waking up. Parenting is now your full time job, so unless he is making specific plans for you to get breaks and enough sleep, he doesn’t get to make you feel bad for getting up a little earlier to pitch in.

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My suggestion is agree on a schedule ahead of time, because everyone is going to be cranky and resentful in the moment when they are sleep deprived. But he has a newborn, he’s going to be tired, there’s just no getting around that.

Hubby, step up and be a dad and husband here. You don’t get to just exist in the house, call yourself dad, and let your wife do all the hard work. If you can’t handle getting up that early, go to bed earlier.

It’s really s**tty to expect your wife to make all the sacrifices. Coming from someone who almost had kids wreck my marriage because my husband was just like you at first... if you want to stay married to a nonresentful woman, DO YOUR PART.

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Cocoasneeze - 'We need to figure something out' means 'Babe you need to wake up for him every time'. He's not offering any other solutions it seems. You do all the wake ups and he'll just pick up the baby when it's convenient. He's a parent too and has to take up those responsibilities.. NTA.

JohnnyCageTheLegend - NTA your husband is a s**tty dad and husband. You guys are partners and should be sharing the work equally over raising a child. Your purpose in life isn't to shoot out and raise kids for some j**kass who can't even be bothered to comfort and feed the son who keeps waking up in the night/early morning.

It's not just super awful for him to do this, it's incredibly pathetic and I'm having a really hard time not absolutely losing my s**t over this 40 year old BOY whining about having basic responsibilities. What in the hell did he think it was going to be like after the baby was born?

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Does he genuinely believe that he should ONLY be involved for the 'fun' parts of parenting? He needs to shut the f**k up, let you get the rest you DESERVE and step it up as a Dad ASAP. In my opinion not only does that need to happen but you are owed a massive apology for essentially raising a baby by yourself even though he, THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD is living with you.

BumbleBri7 - NTA.. You're *both* parents. Not just you.. He needs to also fulfill his parental duties.

Sheepie125 - NTA - With him working from home are his hours negotiable? We’re in a similar situation we have a 2 month old, my wife takes care of the night feeds and gets me up at the 5:30/6 feed, I take the baby into the lounge and chill with him,

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give him his 9 am feed and let my wife sleep until 10:30ish meaning she gets a solid 4 hours on top of the broken sleep overnight, she then takes back over for the rest of the day until I’m finished around 6:30pm then we split parenting until bedtime.

416558934523081769 - NTA your husband is being lazy and selfish

nickyfrags69 - NTA - parenting is a shared responsibility, it's not even remotely unreasonable. Especially if you're having him do this after 6, when he would already be up... being a stay-at-home-mom doesn't mean you're the only one parenting.

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TyrunnersaurusRex - NTA. Having a kid is a responsibility for both parents. My wife and I split taking care of both of our kids when they were newborns, and I had a job to go to, as well. He’s being an a**hole for putting his sleep ahead of the well being of you and your kid. Besides, it’s a temporary problem. Your son will eventually sleep through the night and things very well could go back to a more normal schedule.

These Redditors are laying down the law, but do their calls for equal duty oversimplify the husband’s perspective, or are they on the money?

This newborn showdown begs the question: when does one parent’s load become too heavy? The mom’s push for her husband to handle morning feedings feels like a cry for fairness, but his grumbling hints at clashing priorities. Was she right to demand he step up, or should she cut him slack as the breadwinner? Share your thoughts—what would you do to balance parenting in those sleepless early months? Let’s dive into this family fray and sort it out!

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