AITA for not wanting to work with disabled children?

In a bustling office where coffee cups outnumber calm moments, a 29-year-old worker found themselves at the center of a misunderstanding that stung like a paper cut. After escaping a grueling job as an applied behavior analysis (ABA) technician working with autistic children—a role that left them physically injured and battling heart issues—they faced a coworker’s accusation of prejudice when they declined to return to that world. Picture the tension: a casual job chat turning into a defensive showdown over disability and personal limits.

The coworker’s sharp words, implying disdain for autistic kids, hit hard, especially since the worker’s decision was rooted in self-preservation, not bias. With a heart condition worsened by stress and memories of a toxic workplace, their “no” was about survival, not superiority. This Reddit tale dives into the messy clash of workplace trauma, health struggles, and misread intentions—can you say no to a job without judging the people it serves?

‘AITA for not wanting to work with disabled children?’

So after graduating from college up until last summer I worked as an applied behavior analysis technician. For those that don't know, that basically means I did therapy with children who have autism. It was an incredibly stressful job and I didn't really enjoy it.

I worked for a bad agency who only cares about profits, they'd constantly forget to pay me on time, I worked 7 days a week with no breaks or benefits, property damage from clients (also dealt with getting hurt on multiple occasions and trips to urgent care),

case workers would lie to me and say that a client wasn't aggressive just so they would find someone to put on the case, not to mention that I got almost no support or help from management and dealt with irresponsible parents constantly. The whole job was just one huge liability.

I was so stressed out that it was actually affecting my physical health in my last couple of months on the job (I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, which worsens when I am stressed out; at my last job this was CONSTANTLY.)

In June 2019 I left to work at a non-profit. I love working there, however the grant that was paying me is coming to an end in December and no one knows if it is going to be renewed and a lot of us are beginning to look for other jobs.

One co-worker in particular began asking me if I would go back to working with children with autism because she knew of agencies that were hiring and I think I said 'no' a little too quickly. I explained my bad experience at my last agency and that I'm just not a good fit for that job and particularly working with children with unpredictable, aggressive

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and challenging behaviors, added with my heart condition, it just won't work out, I prefer a job working in an office.. She immediately got defensive saying 'So you think you're too good to work with someone who has a disability?'. 'That's not what I said. I'm just not a good fit.'

Her: 'And you think all people with autism are aggressive and unpredictable? My daughter has autism and would never hurt anyone. How dare you say something like that just generalizing.' Me: 'That's not what I meant.

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It's just that the job is very challenging and in my opinion, not worth the inconsistent pay or lack of benefits. I'm not trying to offend you.'. Her: 'Whatever, you've said enough. I feel sorry for the kids that you worked with.'. ​. Am I the a**hole?

Walking away from a job that breaks you isn’t just self-care—it’s survival. The worker’s exit from their ABA technician role, marked by unpaid wages, injuries, and heart palpitations, was a necessity, not a rejection of autistic children. Their coworker’s accusation of prejudice reflects a misunderstanding, perhaps fueled by personal sensitivity as a parent of an autistic child. This clash highlights the emotional weight of disability-related work and the assumptions that can cloud honest conversations.

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Workplace stress is no small matter. A 2023 American Psychological Association study found that 77% of workers report job-related stress impacting their physical health. For someone with atrial fibrillation, like this worker, stress can be a health crisis trigger. Dr. Rachel Lampert, a cardiologist, notes, “Chronic stress exacerbates heart conditions like atrial fibrillation, making workplace boundaries critical”. The worker’s choice to prioritize an office job over ABA is a health-driven decision, not a moral failing.

To move forward, the worker could clarify their stance calmly, emphasizing health and workplace issues, not disability bias. Open dialogue or a neutral mediator might ease the coworker’s defensiveness.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew rolled in with empathy and a few sharp jabs, rallying behind the worker while calling out the coworker’s overreaction. From workplace horror stories to defenses of personal boundaries, here’s what they had to say:

TheBloodyLioness - NTA. Wouldn’t put any more thought into it. The judging co-worker seems like she has some things she should work out with someone, but that’s not on you.

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The-Face-Of-Awkward - NTA. That’s performative nonsense. Those kids deserve the best care they can get, and if you’re not the right person for the job, you’re not the right person for the job. I will say that not every agency is necessarily like the one you worked with, but I get needing a less chaotic environment.

Longjumping_Number39 - NTA. Your coworker knows exactly how difficult some kids with neurological or psychological disorders can be; that's why she's so defensive. Don't mind her for a second. Her rant was not about you, not really. You need to take care of yourself.

tvc15sohologramic - NTA. ABA is abuse.

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schtickyfingers - NTA. Anyone who has work with kids far enough along on any disability spectrum to need that kind of care know how stressful that can be. That’s not to say everyone with these kinds of problems is aggressive or violent, but some people are.

You know you can’t handle it emotionally or physically. You’ve made a choice that’s not only right for you, it’s right for the kids who’d be assigned to you who need help you know you’re not capable of giving them.

stardust2187 - NTA and also, ABA is problematic and abusive AF. Don't continue doing it. (I'm autistic btw)

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[Reddit User] - NTA, I would rather sell my soul to the devil than go back to teaching teenagers, which doesn't mean I hate either teachers or teenagers. I just really didn't do well as a teacher. Just because you don't feel like something is right for you, doesn't mean you think badly of that thing.

Kettlewise - NTA. Her daughter has absolutely no bearing on the abuse you suffered at the agency. Her daughter not being aggressive is meaningless here - it doesn’t change that the agency failed to disclose pertinent information about specific clients that has led to property damage and injury.

It doesn’t change that you find that particular work incredibly stressful, which is not good for a diagnosed medical condition. It doesn’t change that the agency most likey violated multiple labor laws, including wage theft. Is it possible the work would be less stressful under a different agency?

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Yes. Would I risk it? Nope. Your probably not going to be able to change her mind though - she clearly is taking your response to an abusive work environment as some sort of personal insult. (She’s the a**hole here for this reason.)

CheapCulture - NTA, you have legitimate concerns especially when it comes to your own mental and physical health, plus she sounds like she was just itching for a fight.

red-death-omen - No, working with kids with autism need someone who WANTS to be with the kids and LIKES their job. Not someone who is overly stress and worn out. I think the person you talked to is maybe just hurt that her daughter has autism and maybe she has a hard time finding someone to help her and is projecting that on you.

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These Reddit takes are as fiery as a stress-induced headache, but do they capture the coworker’s perspective? Or is her reaction just a misaimed dart in a tense moment?

This workplace saga shows how quickly intentions can be misread when stress and sensitivity collide. The worker’s exit from a toxic job was about protecting their health, not judging disabled kids, yet a coworker’s defensiveness turned it into a personal attack. Was their quick “no” too blunt, or was the coworker too quick to judge? Share your thoughts—have you ever left a job that wasn’t right for you, only to face misunderstanding? Let’s unpack this tangle of health, work, and hurt feelings.

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