AITA for refusing to help a coworker in need?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a bustling office, where ambition hums like the faint buzz of fluorescent lights. One employee, eager for a promotion, finds their hopes dashed when a less-qualified coworker snags the role—thanks to a single director’s whim. Our protagonist, a diligent worker, now faces a moral tug-of-war: help the struggling new hire or stick to their guns?

This Reddit tale captures the sting of workplace unfairness, stirring readers to question loyalty, fairness, and personal boundaries. With emotions running high, the story unfolds, leaving us wondering: is it okay to say no when help is needed?

‘AITA for refusing to help a coworker in need?’

A few months ago, a new position was created at my workplace that I was interested in (and already doing about half the workload for). I was told if I apply for it, I'll get it from multiple directors.. I applied for it. I did not get it. The Directors gave it to Mary. Turns out 4/5 on the hiring committee voted for me.

The 5th with hiring power picked Mary because she 'knows Mary better.' Anyway, obviously I was pretty upset. Since then, I've continued to do my role but stopped doing anything beyond my job description that is now part of Mary's job. Here's the issue.

Mary is STRUGGLING. A lot. She's been staying late to catch up. Every time I see her, she looks flustered/run down. She can't handle the workload and has hinted that she'd like me to continue doing what I was doing before. I've refused because 1. They chose Mary;

2. She's making significantly more than me now, and I don't want to do that work for the lesser rate. I might be TA: I could help her relatively easily. I have the time/skills, and I was already doing the work she's struggling with. I just don't want to. I have no problem with Mary herself.

She's lovely. I feel pretty guilty sometimes that it's hurting her directly. I might not be TA: I'm sticking to my job description and doing everything required of my current role. I've been polite to Mary and the Directors at all times, just refused to do all of the extra projects.. AITA for refusing to help a coworker in need?.

Edits for clarification: 1. Mary and I are in different departments. She's not my supervisor nor would she ever be. My direct supervisor was not a part of the hiring committee. 2. Many people asked how I lost a 4/5 vote.

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I was interviewed by 5 people on the hiring committee but only 1 of them (the Director / supervisor of this position) actually got to choose the candidate. I don't understand why it went to committee then, but... That's what they told me.

3. I'm looking for a new job. I was already thinking about leaving before this happened and was hoping the promotion would give me a reason to stay.. 4. Thanks for all of the feedback/advice. Lots to think about. <3

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Navigating workplace politics can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield, especially when promotions go awry. Here, the Reddit user faces a classic dilemma: personal fairness versus team support. The decision to withhold help reflects a boundary set after a perceived injustice, but it also raises questions about workplace collaboration.

The user’s frustration is understandable—being passed over despite strong support stings. Mary’s struggle, while sympathetic, stems from a flawed hiring decision. As Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard professor, notes in a Harvard Business Review article, “Psychological safety thrives when employees feel valued and heard.” The user’s exclusion from the promotion likely eroded this, fueling their resolve to stick to their role.

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This situation mirrors broader issues of workplace fairness. A 2023 Gallup study found that 60% of employees feel disengaged when promotions lack transparency. The user’s choice to prioritize their job description over extra work reflects a stand against being undervalued, though it risks isolating Mary, who isn’t directly at fault.

For solutions, communication is key. The user could discuss their concerns with their supervisor, framing it as a workload issue rather than personal resentment. Alternatively, offering limited guidance to Mary—without taking on her full responsibilities—could foster goodwill while maintaining boundaries. Ultimately, seeking new opportunities, as the user is doing, may be the healthiest path forward.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, delivering a mix of fiery support and sharp wit. Here’s a peek at the crowd’s take—brace for some spicy opinions!

bonniebluest − NTA. That's what they get for going against the 4/5 people who chose you. It's not your responsibility.

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AmazingAd2765 − NTA. You applied for the job and got screwed so why should you be doing all that work?. Why vote on these things if one person has all the power anyway?

[Reddit User] − NTA, obviously. It's not your job to 'help a coworker in need'. You're not the salvation army. They decided that somehow she would be a better choice, so now they can deal with their fuckup. Mary too. She might be nice but she clearly applied for a position way out of her skillset.

[Reddit User] − Nta. Do not help her.. The company didn't value your worth and now they're struggling.. You won't be credited for that work via a bigger paycheck. You're a workhorse they want to squeeze. Do NOT.

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doggomother − NTA- that’s above your pay lmao

KilgoreFTrout − NTA. Your company made a mistake. They can fix it or live with it. That’s not on you.

lance2k2 − NTA. If Mary couldn't handle the workload before there is no reason she should have put her name in the hat for the promotion to begin with. It's what she chose, so give her the opportunity to succeed.

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CryptographerTough77 − NTA - do not work outside the scope of your position for free

[Reddit User] − NTA. It isn't your job to do the extra anymore. The consequence of hiring the wrong person is they can't do the job. I think at this point if you step in it wouldn't be helping but enabling.

phoebus67 − NTA. While you might have the ability/opportunity to help her, you definitely don't have a responsibility to. The fact that they hired her over you (when you were already doing a significant portion of her job) proved that.. I'd start looking for another job at a different company, if only just for negotiation with your current bosses.

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These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just fanning the flames of workplace drama?

This tale of workplace betrayal and boundaries leaves us pondering: where’s the line between self-respect and team spirit? The Reddit user’s stand sparks a debate about fairness and responsibility in the office jungle. What would you do if you were snubbed for a promotion yet asked to carry the load? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar workplace pickle?

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