AITA for not carrying on my family’s tradition?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine an 18-year-old, fresh from high school, staring down a family legacy that demands she trade her dreams for a uniform. For five generations, her family’s eldest has joined the military, a badge of pride waved in her face since childhood. But when her mom pushes fitness drills and ASVAB books, expecting her to enlist, she slams on the brakes, sparking a fiery clash that leaves her labeled a “disappointment.”

This Reddit saga is a gripping tale of courage and rebellion, perfect for anyone who’s faced family pressure to follow a path not their own. Her stand to choose her future over tradition invites readers to cheer or challenge her bold move.

‘AITA for not carrying on my family’s tradition?’

My (18F) family has a “tradition” that goes back 5 generations, and that is the oldest of the family joins the military (only the 4 main branches). My mom was in the army and retired as a major, my grandpa was in the Air Force and retired as a Colonel I believe,

my great grandpa was in the Navy, my great great grandfather was a marine, and my great x3 grandfather was also a Marine. My family is VERY proud of this fact and has been throwing this in my face since I was fresh out the cooter.

With the school year coming to an end and I turned 18 last month, my mom has been forcing me to do fitness courses and buying textbooks to help me study for the ASVAB. Now I would have rebelled against this awhile ago

but sadly my younger brother past away a few years ago and it was really hard on my parents so I’ve just been going along with this until now. Last week, I overheard my mom talking on the phone to a recruiter talking about my options for possibly becoming an officer.

I guess the realization finally hit. I told my mom I’m not joining a few days ago and a huge fight happened. But I basically “wasted her time” and she called me a disappointment but I think I have a right to choose.. AITA?

Family traditions can feel like iron chains, and this young woman’s refusal to enlist shattered hers. Her mother’s push, fueled by pride and grief over a lost son, clashed with her daughter’s right to self-determination. The fight exposed a raw truth: tradition doesn’t trump personal choice, especially for a life-altering commitment like military service.

Psychologist Dr. Ryan Howes says, “Forcing career paths on young adults stifles identity development” (Psychology Today). The mother’s aggressive planning—recruiter calls, fitness courses—ignored her daughter’s voice, risking resentment. Military service, with its 4-year minimum commitment, demands personal drive, not obligation. A 2023 survey found 58% of teens feel pressured by family career expectations (National Society of High School Scholars).

She could explore college or trade school, presenting a clear alternative to ease her mom’s fears. Family therapy might help them navigate grief and expectations, turning this rift into a chance for mutual respect and understanding.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit rallied to this family feud like a squad to a mission, firing off takes with grit and heart. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, buzzing with support and a dash of spice:

GoonyGooGoo42 − NTA. I say this as an Army veteran.. STAND YOUR GROUND Your mother is being wildly unreasonable and you are right to push back on that. Your life is your own.. Regarding the time-wasting…that was entirely Mom’s fault for taking so much initiative. She wasted her time, not OP.

TooAnxiousForOwnGood − NTA One Amy Brat to another, you’ve already served. All of those nights away and all of the deployments at a young age are enough. You gave the military your childhood. Now you get to live for you.. Edit: I didn’t expect this comment to gain traction, but thank you for the award.

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I do want to clarify, I am forever and always the luckiest Military Brat you will ever meet. My parents met in ROTC in the 80s, are still together, and our family has supported each other throughout everything during one parent’s ongoing military career. I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything.. I am the lucky one.

So please read, listen to, and elevate the other military children who have commented on this post and take in their stories and experiences. Having said that, I will always believe that joining the military is like marriage—you get the entire family. And later in family therapy, few things are off limits.

markoyolo − NTA. Better to waste her time than YEARS of your life. It’s very sad that your brother passed but you need to live your life for yourself.

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zortlord − I say this as a vet- don't join unless you really want to. Don't let others make you join either.

MarigoldGarlands − NTA NTA NTA You absolutely have a right to choose your future. Furthermore, the army is a pretty serious commitment so you definitely shouldn't be joining just to please your family. Tradition is never a reason to do anything. It has to be accompanied by personal desire to do the thing.. Please do not let your family force you into this decision!

klrodine − NTA-it’s a tradition simply because people wanted to do it. No one should be forced to join the military. People may downvote this, but eff ‘em. The only way to go in as an officer is to go in with a bachelors degree. Con your mom into giving you a free education while you think about whether you want to join or not.

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[Reddit User] − If the family tradition was for the first born child to be a dentist, is that fair? If the family tradition is that the first born child is a lawyer, is that fair? No...it's not fair for parents to give you a career because you're the first born and it's tradition. Do what you want to do.

Also, being in the military isn't easy. Moving around a lot, intense training, possible harm or even death, traumatic experiences needing PTSD care. Going into the military is like getting a face tattoo. Make damn sure you want to do it before you do it.. NTA

AffectionateBite3827 − What in the Lieutenant Dan did I just read? Joining the military is huge and should be up to you. NTA.

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NGDGUnpunished − I'm very sorry for your loss of your brother. Joining the military is a huge commitment and you should not be rushed into a decision. Do you have a plan for an alternative, e.g., college or trade school? NTA

StardustStuffing − Veteran here. Joining out of high school is the pits. You're a private and subjected to years of demeaning tasks and you're treated like crap. Pay is awful. Things improve when you become a specialist and then become a sergeant.

That takes years.I joined to get out of an arranged marriage where I contemplated suicide. I can't imagine choosing to join when you have better options.. Your mom needs to back off. Your life is yours to live.. Edit: NTA

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Redditors cheered her defiance, many veterans among them, urging her to live for herself, though some suggested strategic alternatives like college. The debate simmers: is she a trailblazer or a tradition-breaker? This military standoff has Reddit locked and loaded with opinions.

This teen’s rebellion against a military legacy proves traditions don’t own your future—choice does. Her stand, though painful, prioritizes her dreams over duty, but a heart-to-heart could mend family ties. Exploring her own path, like college or a trade, might show her mom she’s not lost, just forging her own way. Have you ever bucked a family tradition? What would you do in her shoes?

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