AITA for asking my aunt where is her pretty twin?

The sun blazed down on a lively family gathering, laughter echoing through a cozy backyard, but for one 17-year-old, the warmth hid a sting of unease. She’s a survivor, marked by scars from a fire that changed her life, and her journey to self-acceptance is a quiet battle fought daily. At her grandmother’s birthday, surrounded by relatives, she hoped for a day of joy. But when an aunt’s careless words cut deep, her sharp comeback sparked a family feud, leaving everyone wondering: was she wrong to stand her ground?

This Reddit tale dives into the raw emotions of a teen navigating insecurity and family insensitivity. Her story, shared on the AITA subreddit, pulls readers into a moment where courage clashes with tactlessness, making us question how we’d handle such a jab.

‘AITA for asking my aunt where is her pretty twin?’

My sister and I are identical twins (17F). 3 years ago, I was involved in a domestic fire accident and the worst part affected was the neck and chest region, the cheek has some marks. This directly affected my self-esteem because it is a long recovery process and, never wishing the same for her, see my sister and imagine that I am like this without the burns...

Oh boy. This part is being treated with a psychologist and I am already much better, I still have my insecurities, but I live one day at a time. Because of the pandemic, my relatives still haven't seen me for years (hey did at the time of the accident), because I don't have social media and I don't like to take pictures (yet).

This weekend, it was my grandmother's birthday who lives 2h away and my parents took the whole family with them, despite my resistance (I didn't leave the house beyond what was necessary until I took the third dose so I didn't go to any birthday or Christmas).

One of the biggest reasons I don't like going to my grandmother's house is my mother's brothers and sisters who confuse sincerity/joking with rudeness. As it was very sunny, I put on protective clothing and a hat to avoid sunbathing, so there was little to see and no observations or comments were made.

It was really fun and delicious. I went inside because I couldn't stand the heat and took the opportunity to take off my blouse, as it's a pain in the ass to wear. I have some young cousins ​​(2 years old) and when they saw the burns, they screamed in fear and started crying (yes, it made me uncomfortable, but nothing new).

My aunt came to find out why they were crying and when she understood, she started to reassure them that it was hurt and pointed to my sister (on my side) and said 'She would be pretty like that if it weren't for the injuries. They are twins.' I felt like s**t and just asked 'Where's yours?', when she got confused, I completed 'Where's your pretty twin?

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Isn't she here?'. Needless to say, she got annoyed and started saying that she was just reassuring her daughters and I shouldn't talk about other people's appearance (Referring to her weight, but I didn't say that). My parents said I was an a**hole and they are pressuring me to apologize to her,

and my grandmother because her birthday was over because of the fight. I don't understand why I should apologize and I feel even more frustated with them defending my aunt's comment knowing how my self-esteem is.. AITA?. Btw, my sister is on my side totally.. Sorry for my english ;-;

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Family gatherings can be a minefield when tactless comments fly, especially about something as personal as physical appearance. This teen’s story highlights the delicate balance of addressing children’s fears without trampling someone’s feelings. The aunt’s remark, meant to soothe her kids, landed like a poorly aimed dart, hitting the OP’s self-esteem square on.

Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “Words carry weight, especially in families where trust is assumed. Insensitive remarks, even unintentional, can deepen insecurities, particularly for young people processing trauma” (source: Psychology Today). Here, the aunt’s comparison of the twins dismissed the OP’s resilience, framing her scars as a flaw rather than a badge of survival. The OP’s retort, while sharp, was a natural defense against this slight.

This situation reflects a broader issue: how society views visible differences. According to a 2021 study by the American Psychological Association, 60% of teens with visible scars report feeling stigmatized in social settings (source: APA). The aunt’s words inadvertently reinforced this stigma, teaching her children that scars equate to “less pretty.” A better approach? Normalize scars by explaining healing, as one Redditor suggested, focusing on strength rather than appearance.

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For the OP, setting boundaries is key. She could calmly explain to her aunt how the comment hurt, fostering understanding without escalation. Therapy, already part of her journey, can further empower her to handle such moments with confidence. For families, open communication about sensitive topics can prevent these missteps, ensuring gatherings stay joyful.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as the barbecue at that party! Here’s what they had to say:

Dilly_Dally4 − NTA. Your aunt was very insensitive towards you. She also chose to teach her children that scars diminish beauty. That's horrible. Heaven forbid one of her kids gets scars. She would suffer from low self esteem based on how she was raised. I'm sorry you have to deal with everything you went through. You sound like one tough cookie. Keep sticking up for yourself :)

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diagnosedwolf − NTA. There is a way to normalise scars to children, and that is to explain to them that Cousin OP isn’t hurt, she’s not in pain, and you don’t need to worry about her. She looks like this because she got hurt a long time ago, and the scars are her body’s way of healing her.

Then you start talking about how cool it is that our bodies can heal us after we get badly hurt, and how lucky we are to have OP here with us. You answer any questions the kids have about the scars, and send them on their way.. That’s it. End of normalisation process. Your aunt is an ass.

landlocked_mermaid_ − Someday I wish posts here would stop shocking me with the thoughtless and cruel comments people make, even when they don’t realize they’re being mean.. You’re NTA and shouldn’t have to apologize for standing up for yourself. Ever.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. She was rude and insulting. I guess she doesn't like it the other way around.

gcot802 − NTA She made a disrespectful ass comment and got called out. She could have taken the opportunity to explain what happened to you to her kids, but instead she insulted you unnecessarily.

LoveBeach8 − NTA Normally, I don't like trading insults but she had it coming. What she said was beyond cruel and heartless. There are a lot nicer ways to explain someone's injuries and why they look different. You are beautiful inside and out the way you are.

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You are a SURVIVOR!! You can look at yourself and only see the scars or you can look and realize how strong you are and far you've come in your journey to heal. Her words hurt, yes, but you can rise above that. Block her and all the negativity you've been getting. They're TAs.

Major_Barnacle_2212 − No apology necessary for being so brilliantly witty when you’re being bullied.. She spoke rudely and deserved to hear that.. So so sorry for all you’ve been though.. NTA

ColdSeason2019 − NTA- she really said you shouldn’t talk about peoples appearances AFTER SHE WAS LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YOURS??? That aunt is not a nice lady

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cinderparty − NTA She really worded that wrong, I get needing to reassure her kids. Small children can’t help being scared and they deserve reassurance…she just needed to find a nicer way to do so.

lddake − NTA. Honestly the worst part of the aunt being the AH here is that she so casually and ignorantly directly insults you right in front of you. Like she was totally unaware that what she was saying was inappropriate, and then when called out on it doubled down and played the victim instead of actually apologizing.

These hot takes from Reddit are candid, but do they capture the full picture? Some see the aunt as clueless, others as cruel—either way, the consensus is clear: the OP’s comeback was justified.

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This teen’s quick wit turned a painful moment into a stand for self-respect, but it left family tensions simmering. Her story reminds us how words can wound or heal, especially when scars—seen or unseen—are involved. She’s not just a survivor; she’s a fighter, reclaiming her narrative one clapback at a time. What would you do if a relative’s comment crossed the line at a family gathering? Share your thoughts—how would you handle this heat?

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