AITA My mom gave my son a valuable gift and gave my daughter a napkin?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cozy family reunion filled with laughter and nostalgia, a grandmother’s heartfelt gesture turned into a whirlwind of emotions. Picture a warm living room, sunlight streaming through lace curtains, as six grandchildren eagerly await their grandmother’s gifts—each a piece of their family’s storied past. But when one gift, a dusty relic from World War I, turns out to be worth $75,000, and another is a sentimental but “worthless” napkin, tensions flare. The mother, caught between her son’s dreams of cash and her daughter’s quiet disappointment, grapples with a moral dilemma that tugs at family ties and cherished memories.

This tale of heirlooms and hard choices sparks questions about value—monetary versus emotional—and fairness in families. The mother’s plea to keep the treasure in the family, or at least share its worth, has ignited debates about legacy, greed, and sibling bonds. Readers can’t help but wonder: what’s the true cost of a family heirloom, and how do you balance history with opportunity?

‘AITA My mom gave my son a valuable gift and gave my daughter a napkin?’

My mom has six grandkids. Three boys and three girls. They were all born within six years of each other. A few years ago, when the youngest turned eighteen, we had a family reunion. At the reunion, my mom had everyone sit down. She pulled out six items and distributed them to each grandchild.

These were family heirlooms. My mom is from Europe and her great uncle died in World War One. In his belongings were items that my mom has no idea of their worth. There were three of this item which she gave to my son and the other two grandsons.

Then she pulled out three neatly ironed and folded table cloth napkins. They had been embroidered with the new last name of her great great (I don't know how many greats) grandmother from the late 1800s on her wedding day.

This apparently was a custom back then for a new bride to do this and the napkins have been handed down for generations.. These were amazing, sentimental gifts.. There is only one problem however. In the days after the reunion, my son went to have his gift appraised.

Hold on to your seats for this.. It was appraised at $75,000. He said he could sell it and do this and that with the money and I told him don't you dare. My mother obviously had no idea what she was doing and what the value of those items were.. Of course, my daughter's napkin had no monetary value at all.

I told him if he does sell it, to do so after mom dies (she is in her 80s), and that he should give half to his sister. He sulked a little at this, saying that she has a college degree and works for a great company. He never went to college and doesn't make what she makes.. I'm at a loss. AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: Someone asked me why no one else in my family over the years sold the item. My mom's family didn't need the money. There were a lot of doctors and high society people in my mom's family. But mom was the rebel in her family and got tired of her parents telling her that none of her boyfriends were good enough so she took off and married my dad, an American soldier who was stationed there (France).

That's why no one sold it. We didn't grow up like that though. Also I am getting a fairly equal amounts of YTA and NTA. Some people think I don't care about the item and don't care if it gets sold. That is not true. It tears me up inside to think that my ancestors have taken such good care of the item (and my nephews' items) and they are being so disrespected.

ADVERTISEMENT

I imagine my poor relative in the trenches at such a young age fighting and eventually dying at war and my heart aches. I don't want the item to leave the family.. I will do my best to answer as many questions as possible. Thank you all for your interest!

Family heirlooms often carry more than sentimental weight—they can spark complex dynamics, as this Reddit user discovered. The mother’s struggle to balance her son’s financial temptation with her daughter’s sense of fairness reflects a broader tension between legacy and practicality. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, “Family conflicts often arise when values like fairness and loyalty clash with individual desires” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the son’s urge to sell a $75,000 heirloom contrasts with the mother’s wish to honor her family’s history.

ADVERTISEMENT

The mother’s suggestion to split potential proceeds highlights a common sibling rivalry issue: perceived inequity. The son, without a college degree, sees the money as a life-changing opportunity, while the daughter’s napkin, though sentimental, feels like a slight. This mirrors broader societal debates about inheritance and fairness—studies show 60% of families face disputes over unequal inheritances (Forbes, 2023). Dr. Gottman’s advice to “approach conflicts with curiosity, not criticism” applies here: the mother could explore her son’s perspective while gently reinforcing the heirloom’s emotional value.

To navigate this, the mother might encourage her son to research the heirloom’s history, connecting it to their ancestor’s sacrifice in World War I. This could foster pride over profit. Alternatively, if selling is inevitable, a family discussion about sharing proceeds could ease tensions. Open communication, rooted in mutual respect, is key to preserving both family ties and treasured legacies.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, offering a mix of empathy, sass, and tough love. Here’s a glimpse of their spicy takes:

BananaFrappe − NAH. You are bordering on YTA if you press him, but you're not really there just by asking. Your mother wanted your son to have it. It is now his. He can do with it what he chooses, including keeping the money. It would be nice if he shared it with his sister, but it wouldn't make him an a**hole if he didn't. I do agree with you that he should wait until your mom passes.

ADVERTISEMENT

knittynurse − NTA I think it's sad to hear your son now only sees the gift for its worth and not this beautiful part of your family history that you could cherish. He should know just because it was appraised at that amount doesn't mean he'll actually get 75,000. (And you know taxes).

I think you were right in saying since it's his if he wants to sell it, it would be kind to split it with his sister since it's a family item. Have you mentioned to the other family members the value of this? I can see resentment if the other grandsons sold it without having to share the money.

Rogues_Gambit − I don't think you should make him give her the money as it is his and this would make you the a**hole. Him wanting to sell it straight away makes him an a**hole if your mum wanted him to pass it on to his children

ADVERTISEMENT

FuriousNorth − NTA I don't see how this post makes you an a**hole in any way shape or form. Your mother issued gifts of unknown value, it played out the way it played out with no influence from you. I fear your sons greed for money (although technically entitled) will drive a wedge in their relationship down the line.

ShiddyShiddyBangBang − INFO: Do you think grandma should maybe be made aware of the value of the objects?. This seems like it will create a ripe opportunity for a will contest later on

smellygymbag − Info - so i gotta know.. What were the ww1 items?

ADVERTISEMENT

Teshi − NTA. I think that the real concern here is not so much the value of the object being shared with your daughter (and I think you are contributing to the problem by saying that), but that Grandma gave a family heirloom and your son sees nothing of value in the object except its price.

Perhaps, if you've got lots of time before Grandma is likely to die (I think 'wait until she dies' is a request your son probably understands), your son will change his mind. One way of 'encouraging' this would be to perhaps investigate the people these objects came from and make them real.

You can do this yourself without involving your son and daughter: do an oral history project with your Mom asking her what she knows, and then go back in the genealogy to build up a family tree and show everyone who these objects (all the objects) come from and why they are special.

ADVERTISEMENT

Even if one of the grandchildren goes on to value their object differently, that will be something, I think. Just chucking them in the back of closets? Ugh. And I think you're way within your rights to say: 'These are special, family, objects. This isn't just a valuable gift and when grandma gave you this gift, she expected you to treasure it the way *she* has treasured it.

Selling it would be incredibly rude.' (which it sounds like you have done). Maybe your 20-something year old son doesn't get it. Maybe your 30-year old son (maybe with his own kid?) will. But he needs you to show him that these are all equivalently valuable, not just a bit of metal or china.

And, if your son decides he still wants to sell them, maybe he will do something with them that is really meaningful, like putting a down payment on buying a house, or getting that college education (or his kid's college education) rather than using it for something more ephemeral. You could talk to him about that kind of use as well.

ADVERTISEMENT

aboots33 − Idk in this day and age if somebody gave me something that had little to no use for me but found out it was worth $75,000 then I say I could definitely do more for my family with the money than passing it down. Money is VERY hard earned these days and $75,000 would save me probably that much or more as I would be able to pay off my car and my student loans.

ClafoutiAuxCerries − INFO: You bring up to your son says his sister went to college and he didn't. While I understand that having a college degree can really open up earning potential, if he's aware of that why didn't he go to college or trade school?

[Reddit User] − NAH. You’re not wrong for wanting to be considerate of other people involved in this situation, and I understand why the grandmother and sister could be upset if he sold the gift. It may sound callous to talk about waiting until she dies,

ADVERTISEMENT

but it’s reality and you weren’t wrong for saying it out loud. That being said, $75,000 can really change someone’s life for the better. I know the gift has sentimental value, but it’s a thing; it’s not like he’s selling his grandfather and his memory. If it were me, I’d want to sell it.

If I unknowingly gave someone a gift worth that much money, I wouldn’t blame them for selling it at all. Some people aren’t sentimental with heirlooms and such, and I don’t think they’re heartless, I think maybe they just don’t assign value to objects like some others do.

To be fair, this could all be biased due to me not having a very close relationship with either side of my family. If my partner died and something that he owned and I strongly associated with him was worth a lot of money, I’d have trouble letting it go. I think how close your son was to his grandfather is likely a factor here.

ADVERTISEMENT

These hot takes from Reddit range from practical to passionate, but do they truly capture the heart of this family’s dilemma? Some see the son’s choice as his right, while others cry foul at dismissing history for cash. What’s clear is the divide between sentiment and dollars runs deep.

This tale of a $75,000 heirloom versus a humble napkin reveals how quickly family gifts can spark unexpected drama. The mother’s torn between preserving her family’s legacy and respecting her son’s financial dreams, leaving us pondering the true value of heirlooms. Should history trump opportunity, or is cash king in tough times? What would you do if a family treasure landed in your lap—keep it, sell it, or share the wealth? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this family saga together!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *