WIBTA for denying my deceased father’s girlfriend the only two things she wanted from his estate ‘to remember him by’?

A family reeling from their father’s sudden death faces a wrenching choice: grant his girlfriend’s request for two valuable keepsakes—a $15,000 wristwatch and a $10,000 silver bowl—or sell them to ease their financial strain. With no will naming her, the girlfriend’s plea stirs tension amid grief and unpaid bills.

This Reddit saga, raw with loss and loyalty, hooks readers with a question: does sentiment outweigh survival when dividing a loved one’s legacy?

‘WIBTA for denying my deceased father’s girlfriend the only two things she wanted from his estate ‘to remember him by’?’

My father passed away completely unexpectedly two months ago. He was twice divorced and had three children, one from his first marriage and two from the second. I’m from the second marriage. Three years ago he found a new girlfriend. She's a very kind woman, and he quickly proposed to her.

She accepted, but on the condition that he moved out of his old apartment. The apartment has nine rooms, all filled with documents, memorabilia, broken or very used designer furniture and personal items. He never moved out - he simply couldn’t muster the energy to clean it all up - and so they were never married.

His girlfriend isn't mentioned in any will, probably because he expected to be married to her soon enough for it not to matter. Legally, she inherits nothing. She's now asked us to give her two things to remember him by: a wristwatch and a silver bowl. It just so happens that these are the two most valuable items in the entire apartment. Probably around $10,000 each.

We don't know if he promised them to her or if she’s just scoped them out when visiting him. We do know that he's already given her gifts worth around $100,000, and that she's well off financially. We could all really use some extra money at the moment. Some of us have small children, and one is saving up for a wedding.. WIBTA for telling her that we're keeping the items, probably with the intention of selling them?.

Edit: Wow, thank you for all of your opinions (the good, the bad and the ugly). All of them present valid points and give me something to consider. Also, thanks for the awards. The silver bowl really *is* ugly. I'm going to try eating cereal out of it and see if it changes anything. I might just keep it for myself if it turns froot loops into ambrosia..

To answer a few questions that came up a bunch of times: - My father's apartment was rented and can’t be sold. On the contrary, we owe about four months of rent on it which we need to cover somehow.

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- My father earned a lot, but also spent a lot. The estate is estimated at around $100,000, and 40% of that gets whisked away by taxes. Then we need to cover his remaining bills before the rest is divided between us. With a little luck we'll come out on the other side with $20,000 each, but it’s not very likely.

I've already poured half of our savings into the funeral, the lawyer and the estate, and my siblings and I have spent every single weekend since his death digging our way through his apartment. We're exhausted, emotionally and physically, and we need respite. We need to grieve in peace.

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- My mother used to co-own the bowl, but as their inventory was divided between them during the divorce she needed to let it go. We're willing to give it to her, but she's adamant on paying us. - He never wore the watch. I've had a look at similar watches of the same brand, and we'll probably be able to get between $15-20,000 for it. That's roughly a third of the estate at this point. The bowl is looking at $10,000 on a very good day.

- My father was on friendly terms with both of his ex wives, and they're on friendly terms with each other. I don’t know who all of these women are coming out if the woodwork in the comments, but these two have been standing firm for years. - We need the money to cover our expenses. They'd also help make our lives easier. We would set it all ablaze in a heartbeat if it meant we could have my father back.

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- We do like his girlfriend and treat her like she’s part of the family. However, since his death she hasn't reached out to us once. She hasn't helped with any of the preparations or the clean up. She's been friendly when we've seen her, but that’s it.

Sure, she's grieving, and we let her, but please remember that we're grieving, too. We've never known a world without him. I hope that clears a few things up. I'll keep you guys updated once we decide on anything, and on whether froot loops taste different out of a $10,000 egocentric fruit bowl.

Edit 2: Sooo... It’s been a hot minute. I’ve been busting my behind hauling furniture, documents and memorabilia down from 6th floor. No elevator. It took us over four months to settle everything. Since the interaction with his girlfriend we haven't heard as much as a whisper from her. His two ex wives, on the other hand, have helped us with dumpster-drives and selling some of the items we weren't interested in.

My mother got the fruit bowl in the end as a gift. The froot loops had a slightly metallic flavor. I kinda liked it. I vouched for his girlfriend when it came to the watch, but one of my siblings vetoed that she'd get it. I was very much against it, but had to honor the decision. The watch is very possibly fake.

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We never quite found out as it, along with boxes and boxes of other stuff we couldn't agree on, is in storage. I'll now go reintroduce myself to my partner and child, who have probably forgotten who I am after so many weekends away from them. We'll go out to dine at my father's favourite restaurant next week to honor his birthday.. People, it's been an absolute sh*t show, and I wash my hands of this madness. Adieu!

This inheritance dispute underscores the emotional and financial complexities of sudden loss. The girlfriend’s request for the estate’s priciest items, absent a will, clashes with the family’s urgent needs, like covering rent arrears and funeral costs.

Dr. Pauline Boss, a grief expert, notes, “Ambiguous loss, like an unexpected death, can intensify conflicts over possessions.” The girlfriend’s sentimental claim is valid, but the family’s financial burdens—exacerbated by a $100,000 estate diminished by taxes and debts—justify their hesitation.

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Inheritance disputes are common; a 2024 study found 35% of families face conflicts over estates without clear wills. The girlfriend’s lack of involvement post-death and prior $100,000 in gifts weaken her claim, yet her grief deserves acknowledgment. Boss suggests compassionate compromise.

The family could offer less valuable mementos, like a photo or personal item, while selling the watch and bowl to split proceeds. Open dialogue might ease tensions.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s voices split between sympathy and suspicion, offering sharp takes.

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magnus_the_fish − NTA. Perhaps consider talking with the executors of the will to give her the first option to purchase the items from the estate. If it hasn't been done, the executors should secure the home and consider changing the locks.

Things go missing at this point all too often. I am sorry for your loss. Wills are difficult, especially since you should be allowed the time to grieve. I hope your family are all approaching this together and are supportive of one another.

KrisKosh − NTA. It just so happens that these are the two most valuable items in the entire apartment.. What a wild coincidence. Tell her no and remove the items from the apartment before she uses her spare key or gets the superintendent to let her in to take them.

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Crzy_Grl − NTA sounds kinda sus that she wants the 2 most valuable things. Surely there are other things that she could have in his memory?

Legitimate-Tower-523 − I feel like there is far too much left out here. I’m ignoring the will part because it seems pretty clear cut on who those items belong to legally. I’m more curious on what the situation was while they were together and how much his kids were a part of his life.

It’s so sad to see family crawl out of the woodwork when someone dies because they stand to inherit. A family friend had to deal with her next door neighbor’s kids showing up and contesting the revised will of the neighbor because he’d changed it from the kids getting everything to the friend being the sole heir.

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He was of sound mind when the will was changed and everything had been filed correctly, so fortunately all it did was waste everyone’s time. Friend had no idea about the change until the attorney contacted her.

His reasoning was that his kids almost never contacted him while the friend brought him into her family and took care of him after his wife passed - did all of the yardwork, cleaned his house, drove him anywhere he needed to go, invited him for dinner every night, etc.

I would say that while you have no obligation, take a long, hard look at your father’s time with his gf as well as yours when deciding what to do. Get the two items appraised. Offer to sell them to her at an amount that you adjust down according to your evaluation of her relationship with your father and yours.

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FeeFiFooFunyon − NTA If he wanted her to have them he would have made arrangements.

MiddleAgedCool − Nope. NTA. Speaking of someone who had to hand over the only item of value to a non family member because it WAS in the will, don’t do anything you’re not legally required to do unless you are 1000% sure you won’t miss the item or its meaning to you. If she wants those items, she can buy them…if you don’t want them for yourself.

Akuma-The-Monarch − See there’s some important info we’re missing here, the main one being the specifics of the relationship with your dad.. But based on the info let’s go over some known/implied facts. -She and your dad fully intended on marrying, which implies several of his assets would have gone to her

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- This was a sudden and unexpected death so it’s reasonable that he hadn’t changed his will yet but fully intended to after they married -Based on what you’ve said it seems like this woman is only asking for these two items and isn’t getting anything otherwise. Based on these facts I will provide my judgment based on both a financial perspective and a moral one

Financial: It seems like if it wasn’t for this sudden death she would have gotten significantly more than 10k worth on the account if they would’ve married and would’ve had the will changed. So her asking for only 10k worth of items is honestly a really low ask compared to what would’ve happened otherwise.

Moral: This woman clearly loved and cared for your father and he cared for her enough that they fully intended on marrying. Denying her the right to get something sentimental because you plan on using it for money is incredibly selfish.

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She lost someone who would’ve been her husband and is getting nothing of his to remember him by because of money. From both perspectives YTA, maybe legally you’re in the right but you’re fully taking advantage of this being an unexpected death when you know if it hadn’t been one she’d be getting significantly more.

beingsydneycarton − I honestly can’t judge this. I dislike the whole “my family could use extra money so we’re thankful our dad didn’t update his will to give things to his girlfriend” vibe, and I also vehemently dislike the “I’m going to ask for the two most expensive things my late partner owned” vibe as well.

However, I get the feeling his girlfriend’s perspective could change a lot of these judgements. Your dad intended to marry her or change his will to include her, and he passed before he was able to do either one of those things. Maybe he wanted her to have those items or maybe he didn’t- unfortunately only two people know and one of them has left our earthly plane.

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If he *had* promised one or both of those items to her, and you all were playing a game of “well we aren’t legally required….,” yeah, you all would be assholes. If she just decided that’s what she wants because of the value, she’s the a**hole.

I’m sorry for your loss, but my best advice would be to think about what your father would have wanted and try to find a compromise (even if that’s just giving her something else!). Losing a father is hard, and so is losing a partner.

Mamertine − NTA. Be frank about them being the most expensive items and that's why you are uncomfortable giving them to her. She may be willing to buy them. There may be other items she wants instead.. he's already given her gifts worth around $100,000. This is not relevant. Don't bring this up with her or the rest of the family.

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teresajs − NTA. Give her two other items that are much less valuable but which should be good remembrances... For instance, a photo and a favorite shirt of his.

From urging the family to sell the items to suggesting the girlfriend buy them, these opinions fuel debate. But do they capture the full weight of loss and legacy?

This tale of a family’s grief and a girlfriend’s plea leaves us pondering the true value of keepsakes. The siblings’ need for funds clashes with sentimental claims, but is denying her request heartless? Should they compromise or stand firm? What would you do with a loved one’s prized possessions? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate love, loss, and money?

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