AITA for refusing to take my half-sister in after her parents died?

Imagine a quiet evening shattered by a phone call bearing tragic news—a father and his wife gone in an accident, leaving a 7-year-old girl, Annie, in the care of elderly grandparents. For this 30-year-old Redditor, the call also brought unwanted pressure from her estranged father’s family, demanding she take in her half-sister, a child she barely knows. Having built a stable life with her mother and twin brothers, far from the toxic fallout of her parents’ divorce, she’s firm: her home, routine, and mental health can’t accommodate a child, especially one tied to painful memories.

The family’s guilt-tripping and harassment, even storming her doorstep, push her to the brink, threatening her mother’s fragile health. Readers feel the weight of her choice—protecting her peace versus stepping up for a grieving child. Is she wrong to hold her ground, or is family obligation a line she doesn’t owe crossing?

‘AITA for refusing to take my half-sister in after her parents died?’

My (30F) parents got divorced 6 years ago After we found out that my father was cheating on her. Out of the affair, they had a daughter, Annie (7F). After the divorce was settled we moved my mother out from our H hometown and went completely no contact with my father and his family (they were AH and toxic to me and my twin brothers).

I have a good job with a nice salary, and so do my brothers (28M twins). I live with Mom and my brothers both have apartments close by, and we are very comfortable with what we have. Three weeks ago we got a call that my father and his wife got into an accident and died leaving my sister with my grandparents.

They all insisted that I take in my sister, basically guilt-tripping me and my brothers to take her in. Such a poor girl, both her parents died, leaving a young kid alone. Surely her sister will step up and raise her.. I refused.

I told them I was not compromising my mom's health (she requires constant cares and I don't mind because we can afford it and I love her and she's gone through a lot), and as I'm also going to therapy I told them I wasn't fit to raise a kid. Truth is, I just don't want a kid around.

I have plans of being childless, which my family know about and they're very supportive of my decisions. I don't want a kid in my house, messing with our routines, and ruining my own plans. I don't even know her, like, at all.

Then they started threatening us, gaslighting us, and all around harassing us even after I blocked them all. They came over to my house and almost made my mom relapse. I didn't want the cops involved so my brothers take turn sleeping in my house so they can block off my father's family.

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And they went on social media telling people that we are monsters for not willing to provide for Annie, and that we're AH for not taking her in. I am so stressed and now idk what to do. My brothers are adamant that a kid is a big responsibility I don't need to take, and Mom flat out doesn't want Annie in our house. AITA?.

Edit to clear up some things: 1. Afaik, the mother's family disowned/estranged her. Not sure abt it since I didn't actually know her before we went NC. Grandparents are 70+ ish, my father's brothers and sister are all no-good.  2. Thank you for your advices and suggestions. We will be contacting the cops and documenting everything.

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3. We're not americans but we will be calling our CPS as well. 4. The reason why they were so insistent? I guess (and you do too) it's money. They've asked a few times before, my brothers shut that sht down. Now my brothers are rightfully suspicious that they'd use Annie for their own advantages.

Navigating family obligations after a tragedy is a minefield, and this Redditor’s refusal to take in her half-sister reflects a complex clash of duty and personal boundaries. Her father’s family’s aggressive push, including harassment and social media shaming, ignores her valid reasons: caring for her ill mother, maintaining her child-free life, and having no bond with Annie due to years of no contact. Their insistence, possibly driven by financial motives, adds a manipulative edge to the conflict.

This situation echoes broader challenges in blended families, where 40% of adults report strained relationships with half-siblings, per a 2023 Pew Research Center study. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a family estrangement expert, notes, “Forcing someone to take on caregiving without emotional connection can lead to resentment and poor outcomes for all”. The Redditor’s focus on her mother’s health and mental well-being is a legitimate boundary, not selfishness.

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Solutions include involving child protective services to ensure Annie’s care, as the grandparents or other relatives may be better suited. The Redditor should document harassment for legal protection, like a restraining order.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit squad didn’t hold back, serving up support with a side of shade for the harassing family—here’s what they had to say:

Unusual_Variant − NTA - even as an older sister, you and your brothers aren't the only relatives she can live with. If they want her to be cared for so much, your dad's side of the family can take her in. They obviously want to foist it off onto someone else. Stick to your decision

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FreijaVanir − NTA. But if they keep showing up at your house, you will need to get the police involved eventually. You are not responsabile for that child, as tragic as it is. She has all those people who harass you to take care of her. You have your own struggles.

littlemissbeastly − NTA, ignore them, take care of your mom, they’re trying to bait a reaction out of you, you don’t need to be raising your fathers affair baby because they don’t want to, they more than likely don’t want the “burden” of raising her so they want you to do it.

000-Hotaru_Tomoe − NTA. You or your brothers have no obligation whatsover toward a girl who is basically a stranger to you and your family, since you went NC with your father. Also, if I can be frank, yours wouldn't be a suitable setting for the girl. You don't want children - and this is your sacred right - so you are the last person who should take care of the girl.

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You would do it reluctantly, only because someone made pressure on you from the outside, and it is not what the girl needs.. ​. I didn't want the cops involved. Hun, if the girl's relatives came knock to your door and harrassed your sick mother, it's time to get the cops involved and show a restriction order to those tossers.

Darth_Hufflepuff − NTA. You have no responsability here, not even in the case you didn't have to take care of your mum. You could be living by yourself and still not want to take a kid in. I'm sorry that the girl's parents died, that must be terrible for them, but I see no reason why her grandparents can't take care of her to be honest.

maria1978354 − INFO why can't she stay with someone from one of her parent's families? What makes them single you out and not, for instance, one of your brothers?

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tatasz − NTA. The kid is not your responsibility. What happens is that the grandparents don't want her either and are trying to get rid of her.. Get a restraining order or at least call the police next time they show up. Also, get a lawyer to make sure you get the inheritance you and your brothers are owed. Depends on local laws, but likely you and your brothers should get like half of what he left.

vercingetafix − NTA - sounds like you have no connection with this person aside from some DNA. She belongs with a family who will love her. Understandably that isn't you.. ​. Edit: typo

cadmium2093 − Call the cops. I know you don't want to do it, but call the cops. They are harassing you, and this won't stop. Get a restraining order for as many of them as you can. Save all contacts - texts, calls, everything. If they are so concerned, **they** can take in the girl. You don't know her. She is not your responsibility. End of story. NTA

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dingleberrydoughnut − NTA. I feel awful for Annie, who at 7 has just lost her parents, and now has her actual family trying to pawn her off onto what are essentially strangers. You don’t have an obligation to take her in just because she’s a half sister, your mum certainly doesn’t need this stress,

and Annie absolutely deserves better family (those on your dad’s side being the crap ones, not you, your brothers & mum) or a chance at a family who will love and care for her in a traumatic time through adoption or something of that sort.

These Reddit takes are fiery and empathetic, but do they fully grasp the emotional tug-of-war in this family drama?

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This heartbreaking story shows how grief can fracture families, especially when obligation clashes with personal limits. The Redditor’s refusal to take in Annie isn’t about cruelty—it’s about protecting her carefully built life and her mother’s health. Family ties don’t always mean family duties, especially when trust was broken long ago. Have you ever had to say no to a family request that felt too big? Drop your experiences below—how would you handle this delicate balance of heart and boundaries?

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