AITA for not wanting to follow tradition and move out of my In-Laws’ house?

Charlotte Morse Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Imagine a tiny, bustling house where every creak of a floorboard sparks a mother-in-law’s scowl, and dreams of starting a family are shelved until a sister-in-law ties the knot. For this 29-year-old Redditor, living with her in-laws feels like a pressure cooker, with tradition dictating she stay put despite a golden opportunity—a spacious house inherited from her beloved uncle. Her heart leaps at the thought of room for kids, visiting family, and freedom from drawer-closing critiques, but her husband clings to cultural norms, accusing her of rejecting his family.

The tension is palpable—readers can feel her longing for independence crashing against her husband’s loyalty to tradition. With a bigger home just waiting, she’s ready to break free, but family drama looms large. Is she wrong to push for a fresh start, or is tradition holding her back from the life she wants?

‘AITA for not wanting to follow tradition and move out of my In-Laws’ house?’

I (F29) am married to D (31M). Where we live it is tradition for bride to move in with the groom and his parents.. Now, my problems with living with my in-laws are : 1. My MIL is unbearable. She gets annoyed at every single little thing. She got mad because one drawer wasn't totally closed.

2. We have to wait for my SIL (F21) to get married so we can start having children as there isn't enough space. And if we want more than one kid (which we do) we also have to wait for my in-laws to die.

3. My siblings, nieces and nephews, can never visit and stay overnight because the house is so damn small. My nieces and nephews used to always stay overnight when I was living alone. My uncle passed away a month ago. It was really hard for me as he and I were very close.

Neither of his kids lived in our country so he left his house to me. That house is big, closer to our workplaces, it's 5 minute walk to local school, and the most importantly, OURS. So I want to move there. My husband thinks it's horrible that I want to break the tradition and I get that.

But holy s**t I want kids, and I know he wants them too, and we won't have them anytime soon if we stay with his parents.From his POV, it's something like 'You hate my family and you can't wait for them to die so you want to cut them off' (his words). Reddit, AITA?

Breaking free from tradition can feel like betraying family, but this Redditor’s desire to move out reflects a need for autonomy in a stifling setup. Her mother-in-law’s nitpicking and the cramped house delaying her family plans are valid frustrations, while her husband’s resistance shows how deeply cultural norms can root. His fear that moving out means “cutting off” family suggests a communication gap about balancing independence with connection.

ADVERTISEMENT

This clash mirrors broader cultural tensions—studies show 60% of young adults in collectivist cultures face pressure to prioritize family over personal goals. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, advises, “Couples must negotiate boundaries together to avoid resentment”. Here, the couple needs open dialogue to align on priorities like starting a family without dismissing tradition.

Solutions include framing the move as a positive step—visiting in-laws regularly to maintain ties while enjoying space for kids. The Redditor could propose a trial period in the new house to ease her husband’s fears.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew brought some spicy takes, cheering this woman’s push for freedom with a side of cultural critique—here’s what they said:

LabRatzz − NTA- As a previous comment said, move in to your new place with or without your husband....

[Reddit User] − NTA. It is however truly hard when one half of a couple is traditional and the other half not. Does you husband understand how his mother’s behaviour is difficult for you or is that all just part of the tradition?

ADVERTISEMENT

mahfrogs − For heaven's sake. It's YOUR life, not anyone else's. Live it. Make your own choices and follow your own path.. NTA.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Asian family? (Only guessing because I live with my husband and mil and I’m Asian lol) Obviously his family is very important to your husband and that’s fair enough but it’s clear that the housing isn’t suitable for you guys. And getting a free house? Amazing!

Convincing him to move may be difficult but you guys can always visit his mother on the weekend and she can still be part of your (and your children’s ) lives. I think there’s a small part of your mil that fears she will be left to grow old alone

ADVERTISEMENT

and you guys will dump her in a rest home, forgotten. So it’s important to remind her that she’s not forgotten and she’ll not be abandoned. It’ll help her become more tolerant of you guys leaving.

Lfalias − I don't know if you're Indian or not... but it could be cause it seems like a very S Asian type of problem. Look, as a fellow female Indian, almost 33, let me tell you this... be the a**hole.. No one gives a damn.

Insist that you move out. Throw a tantrum. Fight. Raise hell. You're getting close enough to that age where all us women realize that our needs matter as much as s**ew the disappointed husband and angry MIL and FIL.

ADVERTISEMENT

Nothing will happen to you if you displease them. Your husband is going to look like a fool and an i**ot if he wants to divorce you for moving to your own house. Your MIL will have people nod at her and support her but deep down inside people are going to agree with you..

And yeah, your husband will be pissed at you. (Oh no... how will life go on). Your ILs will dislike you (Oh dear... how terrible) But nothing will happen to you. People are going to get pissed off and yell maybe but that's it. Your husband may get cold... but why does his comfort and pleasure matter more than yours.

He's more than willing to make you unhappy so he can be his mommy's lap dog. Move. And yeah, tell him you don't like his family. What's the big deal? Sure, you'll have a bunch of relatives get mad at you. But none of them are paying your damn bills right?.

ADVERTISEMENT

And I promise you none of them will help you when you have a kid. So, fight. Get mad. Be difficult. It's okay. Your husband may threaten divorce but he's too much of a wuss to go through with it. These people, they won't suffer that just to save face. So , do what you need to, lady.

I have seen women in India do exactly whatever they want and they've totally had major fights happen and they DGAF. And you know what? They're fine. Those who have had divorces as a result? They would have had one down the line anyway. You'll get pushed only as much you'll tolerate.

Flippn_Freddy − NTA. FFS move out and live YOUR lives. These traditions are ludacris and at the rate your going , youll miss your window to have kids waiting for SIL to get married and move out and your inlaws to pass. Time to live for yourselves.

ADVERTISEMENT

Have your own space and start a family! You can still visit them and have a relationship it just doesnt have to be under the same roof. Tell your husband you are moving and he can come with you or forever be a mommys boy at home. But do not put your life on hold for others

Ronenthelich − NTA, okay, this sounds like it’s from a bygone age when the life expectancy was a lot shorter. My dad’s parents both lived to be 85+ and my mom’s parents are pushing 90. Are you really supposed to be expected to wait for (I assume) 30+ years? What do your in laws think?

Apprehensive-Mess-97 − NTA - I do think this is going to cause further issues down the line for you and your husband. If you give in to tradition, you’ll grow to resent your husband, and if you don’t and move into your own house, your husband could grow to resent you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Whenever there’s tradition involved, it’s never going to be a clear cut solution. But from my perspective, it’s completely insane to have to put your life on hold waiting for people to die who could very well live for decades yet.

wind-river7 − NTA. What is sister takes 10-15 years to get married? What is she never gets married. The parents could live another 30-40 years, depending on their age. And you end up living a miserable based on some old tradition. I would move out and be sure to not conceive when you do. Sounds like husband a sonsband to his mother.

[Reddit User] − Good lord, NTA. Moving out of your in-laws is likely to improve your relationship with them. Can your husband see it from that perspective?

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit opinions are bold and fiery, but do they fully unpack this tricky family standoff?

This tale of a house too small and traditions too big shows how hard it can be to carve your own path when family expectations loom. The Redditor’s dream of a spacious home for her future kids isn’t just about space—it’s about claiming her life. Tradition matters, but so does personal happiness. Have you ever had to choose between cultural norms and your own goals? Drop your stories below—how would you navigate this tightrope?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *