AITA for upgrading my ticket knowing that my sister expected me to help take care of her kids on the flight?

The airport buzzed with travelers, but a quiet rift was forming at the gate. A Reddit user, excited for a family trip abroad, faced an unexpected demand: their sister, juggling a 6-month-old and a 5-year-old alone, expected help on a grueling 10-hour flight. Rather than play mid-air nanny, the user upgraded to business class, savoring the promise of sleep over screams. But their sister’s frosty reaction hinted at trouble ahead.

Caught between personal comfort and family duty, the user’s choice stirred a storm of guilt and resentment. Readers can feel the tension—how do you balance your own needs against a struggling sibling’s plea? This tale of in-flight boundaries and familial expectations dives into the messy dynamics of saying “no” when family assumes “yes.”

‘AITA for upgrading my ticket knowing that my sister expected me to help take care of her kids on the flight?’

Joining their sister for a family trip to celebrate their parents’ anniversary, the Reddit user faced an awkward request to babysit on a long flight. Here’s their story:

My sister and I live in the same city, but our parents moved to another country for retirement. They flew us out for their anniversary. Our parents buy all of us tickets on the same flight. My sister has two kids - a 6 month old and a 5 year old. She is currently separated from her husband so she would have to handle 2 children by herself on a 10 hour flight.

Or so I thought. She calls me up a week or so beforehand and asks me if I will be willing to help her take care of her kids on the flight, and something about taking shifts so we can both sleep. I tell her that I wasn't comfortable with that, but she says 'nephew loves you so much' so we can work something out on the flight and hangs up.

I was pissed. I didn't sign up for mid flight babysitting. I called my airline office and asked if they had any business class seats available. They said yes, and I upgraded using a mix of points + money. The upgrade cost me $50 out of pocket, the rest covered by my frequent flyer miles and it was money well spent to be able to sleep.

I get to the airport, check in and wait around for my sister to show up. She does, and I eventually tell her that I upgraded. She... didn't seem too happy. She still sends me little screenshots of how important family is and how we should care about them. I mean, the only reason why I upgraded was because she expected me to babysit. And I didn't give her a heads up.

And for everyone that said I didn't tell her I didn't want to do it: I did. I did tell her over that phone call I didn't want to do it. She does have a history of dumping her kids with me, and I didn't want to spend 10 hours on the plane with them, only to spend another week with them in a foreign country - where I did babysit them while she went sightseeing for 'me time'.

Long flights are tough, but dodging family duty at 30,000 feet? That’s a turbulence of its own. The Reddit user’s upgrade to business class was a clear boundary, especially after saying no to babysitting. Their sister, overwhelmed as a newly single mom, likely saw the user’s proximity as a lifeline, assuming help despite their refusal. Both sides have valid points, but communication broke down faster than an in-flight Wi-Fi signal.

This reflects a broader issue: family expectations in stressful times. A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found 62% of families report tension over unspoken caregiving roles (source). The sister’s assumption and the user’s covert upgrade highlight a lack of clear dialogue, escalating hurt feelings.

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Psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Assumptions erode trust; open communication builds it” (source). The user’s refusal was fair, but sneaking the upgrade avoided a needed conversation. The sister’s passive-aggressive texts suggest unmet needs, not entitlement.

The user could propose a post-flight talk to clarify boundaries, perhaps offering limited help during the trip. The sister should respect the “no” while expressing her needs directly.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s got a full tray table of opinions, and they’re serving up everything from support to shade. Here’s the crowd’s take:

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Zombiesquirrel57 − NTA. She made the decision to have the kids. She made the decision to take an international flight with them. Not your problem.

Tiredbydefault − NAH. It’s reasonable for a family to ask for help and it’s also okay to have boundaries. It would have been nice to help your sister but you were by no means required to. It was also okay for her to feel a bit disappointed with you.

poeadam − YTA. This is one of those cases where sure, technically you were not required to help. They aren’t your kids after all, right? BUT, this is your sister and she obviously could have really used your help. It sounds like the only reason you didn’t help was because you just didn’t feel like it. That’s pretty lame. It is also lame to not give her any advance warning.

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SunshinyPineapple − ESH, but you more so. Your sister shouldn't have just assumed, but if she's a single mom with 5yr old and a 6 month old who's obviously recently separated from her husband, I can forgive some scatterbrainedness. She definitely needed your help on that flight and I'm willing to bet you didn't need the full ten hours to sleep. That was pretty low OP.

personofpaper − YTA - You're really going to sit in the confines of an airplane and pretend like your sister isn't 20' away desperately needing a hand? Come on.

adhdandwingingit − YTA so originally you were planning on sitting on a 10 hour flight with your sister, and your niece and nephew just a few feet away. At some point your sister was going to struggle and you were just going to.... sit there and watch her? Do you have any idea how exhausted she must be dealing with a 6 month old and 5 year old?

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She had a baby SIX MONTHS AGO and now she Is separating from her husband! This is seriously one of the most stressful periods of her life. Yes she chose to have kids but don’t you think she probably expected her husband to be there?

She asked you to help. All you had to do was say no- not secretly upgrade your flight. God forbid you need help in the future. Because your sister won’t ever forget how you were not there to support her.

megustalatortuga − YTA, and it's fine if people wanna downvote, but I'm pretty tired of Reddit's hate boner for kids and family. You really couldn't watch them for 3-4 hours so your sister could get some sleep too? Sure, she chose to have the kids, not obligated, blah blah, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't offer help when you can. That is what people do when they care for each other.

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sugarface2134 − Ehhh YTA. No, you’re not obligated to help your sister but that’s not the question. The question is if you’re an a**hole (arguably defined as the opposite of being a kind/thoughtful person) and most kind/thoughtful people would sit with their sister and nephews and be on the flight together.

It’s just the nice thing to do. Instead, you went out of your way to avoid being helpful. Family seems to be important to you since your parents bought you all flights to celebrate together and your sister sounds like she’s going through a really tough time being a newly single mother while also going through a divorce.

On top of that, travel with small children that outnumber you is hard and having someone to watch one while you take the other to the bathroom would have made such a difference. No, you didn’t have to help her but you were kind of an a**hole for actively avoiding it. Yeah, you told her you didn’t want to but you were an a**hole then too.

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wannaseemytriforce − INFO. Do you hate your sister?

tatianaaa_kristen − YTA. I really wonder the kinds of family dynamics some people grow up in because I seriously can’t imagine being so unkind to my sister. Yes you’re in no obligation to be helpful, but you really just sat like 50 feet away from her for 10 hours knowing she was most likely struggling the whole time?

That’s just awful. Not to mention she’s probably already super exhausted from having a baby, on top of a kid, and being recently separated. You weren’t obligated to help but you’re also not obligated to be so selfish all the time.

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These Reddit hot takes are spicier than airplane coffee, but do they land the truth? Is the user a boundary-setting hero or a selfish sibling?

This high-altitude drama shows family ties can tangle even in business class. The user’s upgrade was a bid for peace, but their sister’s struggle casts a shadow over their choice. Should they have lent a hand or stood firm on their boundaries? How would you navigate a family member’s plea for help on a long journey? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this baggage together!

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