AITA for not allowing kids to trespass just because their mum is mentally ill?

Imagine settling into your dream home, basking in the glow of floor-to-ceiling windows that flood your living room with sunlight. That’s the idyllic scene one couple envisioned, until a neighbor’s child slipped under their fence to retrieve a ball, flipping them off when asked to stop. What began as a simple boundary request spiraled into a screaming match with the child’s mother and a plea from her husband to let it slide. The couple’s desire for privacy in their own space now clashes with a neighbor’s family chaos.

This Reddit tale tugs at the heart of anyone who’s tried to set boundaries only to face pushback. With a mother’s mental health struggles in the mix and the couple’s personal lifestyle at stake, the story raises questions about property rights, neighborly courtesy, and how far one should bend to keep the peace.

‘AITA for not allowing kids to trespass just because their mum is mentally ill?’

My girlfriend (25f) and I (29m) moved into our first house together in November. Our neighbours to the left are an elderly couple, and to the right is a family with 4 kids, I'd guess the eldest is a boy about 10 years old. As we moved in at the beginning of Winter, nobody was really using their gardens.

It's warmed up over the last couple of weeks though, and these kids are out playing. Great! I'm glad they are getting some fresh air and having fun. Then a ball came over the fence into our garden, and as I headed out to throw it back over, the eldest lifts up the fence panel and comes under to get the ball. I said 'Hi mate, can you not come into the garden without permission? Just knock and I'll throw the ball back over.'

This child gives me the middle finger and dashes back under the fence. Not nice but I think eh, he's been told. Then I saw the ball come over again about 20 minutes later and saw the fence panel lifting. So I dashed out, pushed it back down, leaned over and said 'I've already asked nicely, now do not come onto my property again, or I'll be keeping the ball.' The boy says 'f**k off, I'm allowed, I'm getting my dad.'

I'd already met the dad, 'John', he seemed alright. But he doesn't come out. The mum comes out screaming 'how f**king dare you threaten my son, I'm reporting you, I'm reporting you, I'm reporting you!' Every time I try to speak she just repeated that she's reporting me. In the end I just chucked the ball over and said 'Keep it in your garden then.'

Since then we've spoken to John who has begged us to just let them come and get the ball when it comes over. His wife has (undisclosed to us) mental health issues and they went through this with the last owners who just gave in after she called the police on them. I don't want to, and nor does my girlfriend.

Here's the kicker we don't exactly like to talk about - we like to be nude when it's warm enough, in our own home. The back of our house is our living room and the big reason we bought this house is for the big floor to ceiling windows in this room. We love the light it lets in. We are not willing to give up our lovely bright space with curtains or blinds, nor our happiest nude state,

ADVERTISEMENT

but obviously we don't want kids popping up in the garden and seeing us. We are getting cameras put up facing into our garden to record when this happens again should the matter go legal, which we have informed John of. He called us a pair of arseholes and told us to get ready for a shitstorm, because his wife will not let this go.. Are we assholes for not giving in, and I guess causing John problems with his wife?

Neighbor disputes can turn a dream home into a battleground, especially when boundaries are tested. This couple’s stand against trespassing kids is rooted in a legitimate need for privacy, heightened by their personal choice to enjoy their home without clothing. The neighbor’s plea to allow the trespassing, citing his wife’s mental health, adds complexity but doesn’t erase the couple’s rights.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist, emphasizes, “Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, including with neighbors. They protect your peace and signal respect” . Here, the couple’s firm stance against uninvited entry upholds their property rights, but the mother’s reaction and the child’s rudeness suggest a lack of mutual respect. The father’s request to overlook the trespassing prioritizes his family’s ease over the couple’s comfort, an unfair expectation.

This situation reflects a broader issue: balancing empathy with personal boundaries. A 2022 survey by the National Association of Realtors found 25% of homeowners reported neighbor disputes over property lines or behavior . The couple’s plan to install cameras is proactive, documenting any violations while avoiding direct confrontation. To move forward, they could propose a compromise—like a designated ball-retrieval process involving a knock—while maintaining their boundary. This fosters goodwill without sacrificing their privacy, ensuring their home remains a sanctuary.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit rolled in like a neighborhood watch, dishing out support with a sprinkle of snark. Here’s the unfiltered take from the crowd, buzzing with advice and a touch of shade:

[Reddit User] − NTA .... I'm confused. It's your property so how could you possibly be wrong?

ThatFlyGuy2020 − NTA, don’t give in and I was you I’d record any interactions you have with them to cover yourself. I’d also fix the fence panel to not allow them into your yard.

CuriouslyCantaloupe − NTA mental illness doesn't give anyone the right to trespass, wtf. Let the police be called, they probably know this woman already.

ADVERTISEMENT

Bookish4269 − NTA. You are entitled to privacy on your own property, and your neighbors are raising at least one child to be an obnoxious little s**t. I think it would be a good idea to get a fence company to come out and secure your fence panels so they can’t be raised,

post “no trespassing” and “under video surveillance” signs in your back yard, and file a report preemptively with your local police about the issue. That way, if your crazy neighbor lady does try to escalate, you are well covered and she has no basis for a complaint. Let John know how it is, and advise him that his wife’s issues are not going to be your problem so he best figure out some way to stop her from causing trouble.

Lemonygoodness52 − NTA - if the fence is on your property or considered a shared property division hire someone to lock those panels in place ASAP. Have the whole fence done, and if she confronts you say there were some issues with the fence you had corrected and the company you hired fixed anything else they found that was wrong.

ADVERTISEMENT

Do not talk to her kid again other than to tell him to get off your property. Heaven only knows what she might claim you said to him. Document any interactions you have with them and if where you live allows one party consent to record conversations, download an app and record anything said when speaking with your neighbors.

If you're really worried about the police being called maybe stop by the precinct and speak with someone to ask them their suggestions in handling this neighbor and make them aware that they did this to the previous owners and they moved because of it. Depends on the department how helpful they might be, but it's worth a chance.

EffectivePath3 − You have a fence people can walk through?

ADVERTISEMENT

aoiblue21 − NTA, the kid was rude and it's your property. They do not need to trespass. Also, you have ever right to feel comfortable in your own home.

[Reddit User] − NTA - but you need better fence

GenericID13 − NTA - your property, your rules. And if his wife is \*that\* mentally ill, perhaps she needs to be in a care facility that can handle her. This is an expensive option, but perhaps you should look into installing a wall between your properties. 'Good fences make good neighbors'

ADVERTISEMENT

Inner-Nothing7779 − NTA. The cameras are great. Use them. I'd also suggest that you repair the fence so that the kids cannot enter your garden without breaking things. Be prepared to have your fence broken though. But with cameras you'll have evidence as to whom is doing the breaking.

I'd also put up signs saying no trespassing. Then take it to a lawyer when you discover trespassing. In order to defeat a monster, you must first become a monster. But once the fight is done, put the monster away. This is your house. You have the right to have it not invaded. But be prepared to fight for it.

Redditors overwhelmingly backed the couple, stressing that property is property, mental illness or not. Suggestions ranged from securing the fence to preemptively informing the police. But do these hot takes oversimplify the neighbor’s struggles, or are they spot-on in defending the couple’s rights?

ADVERTISEMENT

This neighborly clash shows how quickly a simple request can ignite tensions when boundaries collide with empathy. The couple’s stand protects their sanctuary, but the neighbor’s plea reveals the messy reality of coexisting. By securing their fence and documenting incidents, they’re safeguarding their peace without escalating the drama. Have you ever faced a neighbor who tested your boundaries? What would you do in this couple’s shoes?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *