AITA for choosing to go out of town for my boyfriend’s birthday the same month that my sister is due to give birth?

As spring bloomed with promise, a woman’s heart fluttered with plans for a sun-dappled hiking trip to celebrate her boyfriend’s birthday. But a text from her pregnant sister, due mid-April, threw a wrench into her joy, demanding she stay on-call all month for potential birth emergencies. The Redditor, clear from the start about skipping the home birth, stood firm, but her sister’s accusations of selfishness stung like a sudden rain.

This tale of tangled ties and tough choices unfolds like a trail through family woods. As the Redditor balances love for her sister with her own life’s rhythm, readers are drawn into a tug-of-war over duty and freedom. Was her birthday escape a fair move, or a sibling snub? Trek into this heartfelt clash and decide where the path leads.

‘AITA for choosing to go out of town for my boyfriend’s birthday the same month that my sister is due to give birth?’

So my sister is pregnant. She is due the day after my boyfriend's birthday. This is her second child. Her first pregnancy, she made it clear that she didn't want anyone to bother her, and she was not going to tell anyone that she was even in labor. We all found out about my niece's arrival the day after she was born, which is totally fine.

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This pregnancy, my sister's planning to do a home birth. She asked me in the very beginning if I wanted to be a part of it, and I declined as I am not comfortable watching her give birth and quite frankly it just grosses me out. We have had this discussion many times throughout the pregnancy, and how I was not going to have anything to do with the delivery.

My boyfriend travels for work, and it just so happens that he will be home on his birthday. We have been needing some quality/relaxation time, and so we planned to drive a couple hours and do a day of hiking and just being in nature.

Yesterday, my sister texted me asking if I would be in town & on-call the entire month of April (she is due mid-April) just in case there is an emergency and she has to go to the hospital and needs me to take care of my niece back home. I told her I would be in town every day except my boyfriend's birthday when I will be a few hours away.

She is now saying that she shouldn't even have had to ask, that I am being so selfish for not making sure I am in town and available to her all month, and how I am such a disappointing sister. I am not her only source of support, and it has never been even implied that I would be expected to be involved somehow.

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In my initial reaction, I told her I was sorry that her feelings were hurt, but it was not ever mentioned to me that she was expecting me, and I pointed out that her best friend would be watching my niece while my sister gives birth at home, so why couldn't she watch my niece if my sister gives birth in a hospital?

I told her that I was not canceling my plans with my boyfriend for his birthday, but now I'm starting to wonder if I am being harsh/cold and if I need to just suck it up, cancel my original plans and be there for my sister.

Family ties can knot tightly around life’s big moments, and this Redditor’s clash with her sister proves it. Her refusal to be on-call for an entire month respects her prior boundary—she opted out of the birth process early on—while her sister’s demand feels like an overreach, especially with other support like her best friend available. The sister’s hurt may stem from pregnancy stress, but her expectation of total availability borders on entitlement.

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This reflects a broader issue: balancing family support with personal autonomy. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 58% of siblings report tension over unequal caregiving expectations. The sister’s assumption that the Redditor should prioritize her needs ignores mutual respect.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman advises, “Healthy boundaries in families require clear communication and mutual agreement”. The Redditor could reaffirm her support—like helping post-birth—while holding firm on her trip. Her sister should clarify specific needs, not blanket demands.

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The Redditor’s trip is a deserved breather, not a betrayal. A candid chat could untangle expectations, ensuring both sisters feel heard. With other caregivers in play, the sister’s panic seems overblown.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew dished out a hearty mix of sass and sense, slicing through this family feud with gusto. From roasting the sister’s entitlement to cheering the Redditor’s stand, their takes spark a lively campfire debate. Here’s what they tossed in:

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Dragaril - NTA not your baby not your problem. You don't have to hold up your life for anyone. To think you would be available 24/7 for a whole month is outright entitled.

CuriosiT38 - NTA. You're not the doula, the doctor, or even going to be present for the birth. She doesn't get to impose on you for an entire month requiring your presence 'in town' when you aren't a sole support,

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particularly as you weren't involved in her first child's birth. She's acting entitled. If she were alone, without resources, or needed a ride maybe she might have an ask, but for a home birth without your assistance this is overly dramatic.

StAlvis - NTA. Your sister's demands of your time are **patently unreasonable**.

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[Reddit User] - Don't take it to heart. Whether it's hormones or that 'I'M GIVING BIRTH. MAKE WAY FOR THE QUEEN' thing, her 'request' and her reaction to your pushback are both over the top. You are to be 'on call' all month? Whoa! Isn't anyone else taking shifts?

Where's her SO during all this time? I find it absolutely impossible to believe that there isn't ANYone else who can't give you a break for one day out of that month. In fact, suggest that you and the alternates each take a week. NTA

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ImpossibleBop - NTA. No. You're not selfish. She is. Her choice to have kids has nothing to do with you - it's not like she consulted you for agreement before getting knocked up. You are not responsible for dealing with her problems for her. You owe her nothing and have your own life to live.

Frankly it sounds like she is accustomed to seeing you as a doormat. The way she refuses to accept no and respect your time and, worse, they way she acts like she doesn't even have to ask but can just demand whatever, whenever speaks volumes.

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People get to be entitled like this when they are so used to getting their way that rather than appreciate any favors offered they simply expect it as id it's always owed to them and then become outraged whenever their whims are not bowed to.

And it seems you're used to this too, since you find it hard to break free of the mindset that merely for existing you owe her anything at all - you dont. The way to cure this is to stop doing her any favors at all until she learns respect and gratitude.. Go on your trip and enjoy yourself. She needs to be responsible for her own life choices.

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Striking_Description - NTA. It's perfectly fine to say 'I'm sorry you feel that way but I've been clear from the outset that your birthing plan should not include me.' Full stop. There's no reason to engage in further conversation about this.

Thatdoesntimpressme - NTA. A favor is not an obligation. She cant expect you to be there when its convenient for her. I get it that she is stressing, but believe me you are not a disappointment, from the moment you are feeling bad that means you care. Dont feel bad.

[Reddit User] - NTA- she cant expect you to be free for an entire month for her. That’s ridiculous. Does she want you to sit around and wait for a text for an entire month? It has to be hormones because no way is this reasonable to ask

FirmlyThatGuy - NTA. Your life does not revolve around her pregnancy, even if she had given you advance warning of wanting you to block off an entire month (which is ridiculous, just to be clear).

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holisarcasm - NTA. Your sister expects you to be her beck and call girl. Her children (in the womb and out) are her responsibility. Go celebrate your boyfriend's birthday. She will have assistance at home or in the hospital and you are really not needed, she is just being demanding.

These Reddit nuggets are crisp and bold, but do they blaze the right trail? Is the sister’s demand a fair ask, or a control grab?

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This story of a birthday getaway versus a sister’s birth plan leaves us pondering the delicate dance of family and freedom. The Redditor’s hiking escape, a gift to her boyfriend and herself, clashed with her sister’s call for month-long duty, stirring accusations of selfishness. As they navigate this rocky path, the question looms: how do you honor family without losing your own stride? Have you faced a family demand that tested your plans? Share your tales below—what would you do in this sibling standoff?

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