AITA for ‘alienating’ a friend after we walked out and lost our deposit because she brought her baby to the restaurant?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Planning a Friday night out with friends, complete with shisha and good vibes, sounds like a perfect escape—until one friend’s unexpected plus-one changes everything. For a group of five, a much-anticipated dinner at a bustling shisha restaurant went up in smoke when their friend arrived with her baby, hoping for a smoke-free evening. Unable to switch to an indoor table, they walked out, losing their deposit, and tensions flared when the new mom refused to chip in, leaving her feeling sidelined.

Reddit’s buzzing with takes on this smoky situation, debating friendship, fairness, and new parenthood. Was the group right to distance themselves, or are they unfairly alienating a struggling mom? As the haze of resentment lingers, let’s dive into this tale of shisha, babies, and broken plans that’s got everyone talking.

‘AITA for ‘alienating’ a friend after we walked out and lost our deposit because she brought her baby to the restaurant?’

When a baby crashes a shisha night, friendships get tested. Here’s the original Reddit post that’s got the group chat on fire:

ADVERTISEMENT

A while back, a group of 5 of us had planned to go to this restaurant. We all like shisha, and this place is known for theirs. We had planned this in the group chat, and we’ve been here before and everyone knows the drill. This restaurant has indoor and outdoor seating, so the indoor is just a normal restaurant while the outside is where you can smoke cigarettes and do shisha.

We booked this restaurant a week in advance because we wanted to go on a Friday and everywhere is super full on Friday nights. We get there, and one of our friends show up with her baby. Everyone is like wtf? It’s also one of those restaurants where you’re seated once the entire party gets there so the rest of us were in the little waiting area.

And we’re all like, are you okay with your baby being around all that smoke? And she says “I was hoping we wouldn’t smoke this time, I had to bring the baby because the sitter I hired cancelled” And I tell her that even if we don’t smoke, since we booked an outdoor table we’re going to be surrounded by people smoking anyways.

I guess she hadn’t thought that far ahead, because she looked a bit panicked. We went ahead and asked one of the staff whether it was possible to get a table indoors, but they said it was a Friday night and they’re fully booked so if we want to eat there we’re gonna have to sit in the area we booked.

ADVERTISEMENT

People were a bit unhappy, but none of us wanted to ask her to leave, since she came all the way and she was our friend. So we walked out. We lost our deposit, and each of us paid our share of it to the person that booked the table. But our friend with the baby didn’t. When she was asked for it, she said she’d pay it back but when pushed she said she didn’t think that she owes anything.

Then she said how can we ask a new mum on a limited budget for money. People were angry, and haven’t really invited her anywhere since. She called me crying yesterday saying that we’re alienating her over something petty and that she feels depressed that no one from our group has called to see how she’s been in a while.. I’m sorry if theres any mistakes with my English.

A night of shisha and laughs turned sour when a friend’s last-minute decision to bring her baby derailed a group’s plans, costing them a deposit and sparking a rift. The new mom’s refusal to pay her share, citing her tight budget, left the group feeling burned, especially after no one felt comfortable asking her to leave. Her later claim of being alienated highlights a deeper clash between personal responsibilities and group expectations.

ADVERTISEMENT

This scenario reflects the challenges of maintaining friendships post-parenthood. A 2023 Pew Research study found 55% of new parents feel disconnected from childless friends due to differing priorities (Source). Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman advises, “Friendships thrive on mutual respect; clear communication about needs prevents resentment” (Source). The mom’s failure to cancel when her sitter bailed, and her dodging the deposit, breached that respect.

The group could initiate an honest talk, acknowledging her struggles while addressing the financial unfairness. The mom might offer a partial repayment to rebuild trust.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s puffing out some fiery takes on this restaurant ruckus, with users weighing in on fairness and friendship boundaries. Here’s what they had to say:

CheerilyTerrified − NTA. She could have just not gone when the sitter cancelled.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA - the petty thing here is her not offering to pay the whole deposit, since losing the deposit was objectively her fault.

sassafrasii − NTA- she is selfish and should have cancelled when her babysitter cancelled on her. Regardless of having a kid she made it worse by not paying up when asked. You guys are right to not invite her to anything else.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. Yes, it's hard to be a new mother, and it's hard to have to deal with sitters cancelling, but what on earth was she thinking taking a baby to a shisha restaurant?!

ChinSpin_1986 − NTA. And I tell her that even if we don’t smoke, since we booked an outdoor table we’re going to be surrounded by people smoking anyways. I guess she hadn’t thought that far ahead, because she looked a bit panicked. Life as a new mother. Everyone else was considerate of her child, but she seems to think that life can go on as before, with others making necessary changes for her.

ADVERTISEMENT

She should have ponied up her part of the deposit. That would have been a conciliatory gesture towards ruining your night out. Instead of silence, and her moping, someone needs to have a straightforward talk with her. While sympathetic and wanting Mom to still have fun, the entire group is not going to suffer because of her life choice.

lotus_eater123 − If she could not pay for her share of the deposit, was she planning on skipping out on the check as well? If she could not afford to eat out, she should have declined the invitation.. NTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

PinkPrincess61 − I don't understand why you walked out? Why didn't you sit in the smoking section? She then could have stayed or left on her own!

GothPenguin − NTA-If you can’t find a sitter you cancel not make it everyone else’s problem.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. This discussion could have taken no more than 30 seconds at the restaurant. “are you happy to repay the deposit we lost and we can go eat as a group somewhere else?” if not why couldn’t the rest of you still eaten there?

TheRealSkeeter − NTA, she can begin by paying towards the lost deposit. At same time, if restaurant was that busy I don't understand need for them to keep deposit.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the heated opinions from Reddit, but do they clear the air or just add more smoke to the drama?

This shisha night turned into a lesson in balancing friendship with new parenthood, leaving a group frustrated and a new mom feeling cast out. Walking out was a tough call, but the mom’s refusal to cover her share of the deposit fanned the flames. A candid conversation might mend fences, but only if both sides listen. Have you ever had a friend’s life change disrupt group plans? What would you do in this group’s shoes?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *