AITA for telling my gf I will literally kick her out if she won’t see a doctor?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet apartment, the air hums with tension as a young man watches his girlfriend fade before his eyes. Her frail frame trembles, her face pale as she brushes off yet another episode of vomiting and confusion. This isn’t just a bad day—it’s a pattern, one that’s been unraveling their lives for months. He’s desperate, scared, and out of patience, leading to a heated ultimatum that sparks both anger and action.

Their story, shared on Reddit, captures a raw struggle: love clashing with fear for a partner’s life. Readers feel the weight of his worry, wondering if his tough love crossed a line or saved her from a hidden danger. The urgency of her health crisis pulls us in, urging us to explore the messy balance of care and confrontation.

‘AITA for telling my gf I will literally kick her out if she won’t see a doctor?’

I'm honestly out of ideas for how to help my gf and so maybe I was too harsh today but I'm losing my mind over this situation. She definitely has a medical issue of some kind. She goes to the walk-in sometimes but they won't do anything long term that needs monitoring so she needs a family doctor.

And she's been 'on a list' for over a year and she does call around occasionally to family doctors but has not had any luck. But I don't think she is taking her health seriously at all and offer to take her to ER sometimes because seriously she might die or something and I want this addressed as soon as possible. She is thin and small.

She doesn't eat much but partly (and I can confirm) because she often throws up after having just a few bites of a meal and then feels 'sick' for a while that kind of knocks her out of the day for a few hours so she just takes vitamins and occasionally drinks Ensure (the kind of drink targeted at old people to keep up calories but she is only 23) and she's weirdly fine with this and says she's always kind of been this way.

Which isn't true because we started dating 2 years ago and I definitely saw her eat normally at some times in the past. She wakes up in the middle of the night to be sick in the bathroom. Sometimes in the middle of the day she goes from totally coherent to looking like a drunk person in like less than 5 mins and I literally have to force her to drink some juice or something.

I am not a doctor but I know she needs one like, yesterday. I'm not even comfortable with letting her drive anymore because of how spacy she can get out of nowhere. She keeps saying she's on a list and will get a doctor eventually but I think seriously this is bad and I know I'm nagging but it is kind of scary and I don't know what to do at all.

Today she got really weak and confused and forgot about lots of things we were talking about just this morning. And I said I kind of want to call an ambulance and she told me she's fine and would be mad if I did that. And I am so upset I said like if you are trying to kill yourself I can't be with you to watch and seriously you have to do something or else move out because I can't do this anymore you have to get healthy or get out.

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She is okay physically now but incredibly angry with me for being insensitive about symptoms she can't help. But I know she can't help and it that's why I want her to go to the hospital because what if she has some kind of disease that can use medicine or something I really don't know. I know medical info is super personal but I live with her,

and see this problem every day and it's really scary so I kind of think it is my problem too. But maybe I'm overstepping. I really don't know. Is it an AH thing to push people on medical topics like this? Maybe I should call her mom (in another city but not far) but that also feels kind of d**k-ish and I don't know how to act right here.

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Edit: Thank you all so much for your stories and encouragement on this situation. It helped me realize it's worth acting even if it would make me an AH. We messaged her sister really late last night (gf said it was okay to do but I am the one who messaged), and she was still actually awake and said she has the weekend off,

and could come stay with us for two days and help if she can and she got here a few hours ago. She's being really kind to me honestly like trying to take care of me and telling me to go sit down and she made me food and I'm o**rwhelmed. She had a private conversation with my gf and when they came out they said they are going to go to the ER,

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and her sister is somehow doing all of this so easily where I couldn't? And they're at the hospital now and I'm not but I think that makes sense because she seems to listen to her sister a lot easier than me and it is probably best and I think I'm just exhausted or something I've never been so stressed in my life but I'm so thankful to her sister who seems to know exactly what to say to make everything work.

Edit again: for anyone curious her sister called me and I guess my gf has more than one ulcers in her stomach and there could be a reason for it so they're still at the hospital to try to see why she has them she had a scope thing and also a biopsy and that's all I know so far.

This couple’s ordeal highlights the emotional toll of watching a loved one neglect their health. The boyfriend’s ultimatum, though harsh, stems from fear, not cruelty. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a renowned psychologist, notes, “Emotions like fear can drive protective behaviors, sometimes expressed imperfectly under stress”. His desperation reflects a common struggle: balancing respect for a partner’s autonomy with the instinct to intervene.

The girlfriend’s symptoms—vomiting, weakness, confusion—point to serious conditions like ulcers, as later diagnosed, or potentially eating disorders or neurological issues. According to the National Institute of Health, untreated gastrointestinal issues affect millions, with ulcers impacting 5-10% of the population. Her reluctance to seek care may stem from denial or fear of diagnosis, a common psychological barrier.

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This situation underscores a broader issue: access to healthcare and stigma around chronic illness. Many, like the girlfriend, face long waitlists for family doctors, delaying critical care. Encouraging open dialogue about health without judgment is key. The boyfriend could explore telehealth options or urgent care referrals, ensuring support while respecting her autonomy. Involving family, as he did, often bridges the gap when trust falters.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, offering a mix of empathy and tough love. Here are some hot takes from the community—candid and occasionally spicy.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She definitively needs to see a doctor. That isn't normal. However, telling her you would kick her out might be a bit insensitive. But she really needs to see a doctor.

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pirkle1 − Does she have an eating disorder?

wrench48 − I was so concerned with my wife's health that I demanded she see a doctor. She continued to refuse. Finally I told her if she didn't see a doc I'd divorce her. 'That's your choice,' she replied. I divorced her. A year later she was dead. Turns out she was an a**oholic and didn't want to be outed. She traded her marriage and her LIFE for all this. It's not rational. But if they don't want to go, you cannot make them go. Prepare yourself.

tishfanclub − NTA. It really does sound like she needs help, whether this is something outside of her control or if it's something she is doing to herself. You've been together long enough that caring for her health and well-being is not overstepping any boundaries.

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[Reddit User] − Sounds like an eating disorder to me. One she’s worked really hard to hide and normalize within the relationship. Either way. NAH. She needs medical help and insisting upon this as a requirement to continue living together and being in relationship is not an a**hole move.

It’s a boundary that you need to uphold. Watching your loved one deteriorate in front of you and them refusing to take the issue more seriously can be extremely damaging and difficult. You 100% need to put yourself first and prioritize not traumatizing yourself or enabling a potentially dangerous situation.

She’s not an AH either, because it’s her body and her decisions. She doesn’t have to get treatment and if she is dealing with an ED, she’s likely very deep into it and unable to see herself. She needs more resources and support than you alone can give her. And that’s okay.

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ALH5826 − NTA. But, I think this may be more of a mental issue vs. a physical issue, hence her not going to see a normal doctor. It doesn’t take that long to get in. Also, walk in clinics will get you in to a family doctor by way of referral in a weeks time. Have you considered the fact that this may be an eating disorder or drugs? Sounds, honestly, like a combo of the two.

Candid-Ear-4840 − NTA. She’s avoiding doctors. Tell her that she can tell her parents or you can, but you can’t handle this health emergency on your own. She’ll be pissed at you. But you have reached the breaking point of enabling her and that’s understandable. Call the ambulance next time. You can’t treat her.

Ok_Principle_6640 − NTA. OP PLEASE READ THIS!!! You want to help her I understand but don’t threaten to kick her out. Kinda sounds like cyclic vomiting syndrome. I have it and it’s a rare disease/ disability. She definitely needs a doctor if you can afford it.

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It’s very serious and if you let it go too long and puke for too long you could possibly put yourself in a coma. It sounds a lot like it for sure. When I’m sick and not feeling well I feel drunk and spacey as well. I went through a 6 month puking cycle this year it was horrible. Last year I weighed 180, two months ago I weighed 150, today I weigh 125.

I’ve always maintained my weight until my puking got bad. I don’t work out or eat particularly healthy. She needs a doctor. Even if it’s not cyclic vomiting her body needs the help. If she ever is puking a lot you should look into using the mito cocktail(2 over the counter vitamins 1 prescription taken everyday). It apparently changes people’s lives.

Diddledoo_82 − NTA. If it was me I would definitely get family involved. She sounds like she may have an eating disorder she doesn't want to address I don't know just of the top of my head that's what I thought of.

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If you don't want to lose her by either making her leave or worse then call her mom and tell her the situation maybe she can give you some insight on whether or not this is something she has always gone through or advice and help on what to do next. Good luck and I really hope she gets the help she needs.

blackboots2008 − NTA - Until you said 'Ensure' instead of Gatorade/polar soda and that she's 23, I thought this might be my husband posting about me, and I was wincing hard. My husband literally made me go back to my parents and said point blank that I was dying and he needed me to get more/better care than I could in NY with him.

And he was RIGHT. I went from slowly wasting away to going into a coma in January. I was literally dying and didn't know it, because I wasn't getting adequate treatment. It only triple (quadruple, quintuple, etc. Kept multiplying!) saved my life later due to covid and other health complications.

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Seriously. She could die. I'm not exaggerating. You don't know what's wrong, and she might be a stubborn i**ot (like me) and in too much denial to fix it until she has no choice anymore. I was throwing up from allergies (which I knew) but I was vomiting blood,

didn't know that it was from my lungs, didn't know that I was dying, didn't know that my moments of spacing out were actually a big deal, and was in denial right up until three days after the coma. Seriously. Save her life. She might be angry and depressed about it, but she'll be alive.

These opinions, while heartfelt, raise questions: do they oversimplify a complex health crisis, or do they cut through the fog of denial? The Reddit chorus leans hard on medical urgency, but real life rarely offers such clear verdicts.

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This story leaves us grappling with love’s limits and the courage to act when someone’s life is at stake. The boyfriend’s ultimatum, born of fear, sparked a chain reaction that led to answers—stomach ulcers, a biopsy, and hope for recovery. Yet, it also exposed the fragile line between care and control. What would you do if your loved one refused help while fading away? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar crossroads?

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