AITA for buying snack food when my husband asked me not to?

Picture a grocery store aisle, a mom and her 6-year-old eyeing a pint of ice cream on sale—a rare treat in a house where snacks are now taboo. The mom, 40, knows her husband’s struggle with binging, but after two months without treats, she grabs the ice cream for her daughter. Cue the fallout: her husband, 43, devours it all and explodes, blaming her for his slip.

This Reddit tale dives into a sticky mess of family compromise and personal responsibility. Can a mom treat her kid without triggering her husband’s food issues? With Reddit’s spicy takes and expert insights, let’s unpack this frosty drama.

‘AITA for buying snack food when my husband asked me not to?’

I (40F) live with my husband (43M) and our 6-year-old daughter. We split the grocery shopping, with him doing a big shop every couple weeks and me doing the quicker shops to replace used-up items between big shops. My husband has an issue with self-control around food.

He can eat normal meals, but if he is given a food he really enjoys, like potato chips or ice cream, he will eat the whole bag or container in one sitting. He usually does a lot of exercise so he’s at a decent weight, but during COVID he wasn’t hitting the gym so he gained about 15 pounds. He blamed me for bringing snack food home, and asked me to stop doing it. Forever.

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I should note that we keep a healthy household so my daughter is used to snacking on veggies and fruits instead of chips and cookies. But every once in a while we want a treat, so before my husband asked me to stop I would occasionally bring home some pretzels or cupcakes.

I stopped when he asked, but yesterday we were at the store to grab milk and my daughter’s favorite ice cream was on sale. It had been 2 months since we had snacks or dessert in the house so I picked some up, figuring that marriage is a compromise and my husband should be able to handle having ice cream in the house for a few days after I had refrained from buying any treats for so long.

I guess I was wrong, because he ate an entire pint of ice cream last night and yelled at me this morning because he gained 2 pounds overnight. We had an argument, with him accusing me of disregarding his wishes for no reason and me telling him that it wasn’t reasonable,

to expect that we will never have snack food or dessert in the house again, and that my daughter and I shouldn’t be punished for his lack of self control. He got mad and stormed out of the house.. So AITA for buying ice cream once in two months?

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Marriage thrives on compromise, but this ice cream saga reveals a deeper struggle. The husband’s binge-and-blame cycle points to a fraught relationship with food, unfairly pinning responsibility on his wife. Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist specializing in eating behaviors, says, “Binge eating often stems from emotional triggers, not just lack of willpower” . Here, the husband’s reaction suggests unresolved issues, possibly binge eating disorder, affecting 2.8% of adults per a 2021 study.

The wife’s choice to buy ice cream reflects a reasonable bid for balance—her daughter shouldn’t miss out due to her husband’s challenges. Yet, his demand for a snack-free home dismisses their needs, creating tension. Albers suggests structured eating plans, like portioning snacks, to manage triggers without banning treats entirely. The wife’s updates show progress: her husband’s openness to therapy is a step toward addressing how his behavior impacts their daughter’s view of food.

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For families facing similar issues, experts recommend open dialogue and professional support. Portion control tools, like lockable snack boxes, can help, but therapy is key to tackling root causes.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s got some sizzling opinions on this chilly conflict, served with a side of wit. Here’s the scoop from the community:

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tiredandshort - NTA but it’s very odd behaviour for him to weigh himself that often that he KNOWS when he gains 2 pounds in a day. Seems like he’s really going through something but definitely not an excuse to yell at you. It is therapy time. He needs to address whatever is going on inside and also the fact that he ever thought it was remotely ok to take it out on you.

Alert-Potato - NTA - one of two things is happening. Either he is refusing to exercise self control, and is an a**hole for trying to make you responsible for his poor choices; or he is incapable of exercising self control and is an a**hole for making you responsible for his refusal to seek therapy.

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Either way, what goes in his mouth is 100% his responsibility to manage. He's an a**hole for thinking he gets to dictate whether or not anyone else in the house is ever allowed to have a treat they enjoy just because he can't put a spoon down.

aciijess - NTA. If it's that he's struggling with self control - you could always get one of those lockable snack boxes?

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Depresd_Lamp - NTA. His lack of self-control should not effect you.

LadyBake82 - NTA. Yes, avoiding temptation is a fine way to try and snack less, but he is indeed in a houshold with more people. There's a large area in between having an entire drawer full of snack foods available and never having anything available at all.

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He needs to find additional coping strategies to try and keep his binging under control, he cannot rely on just the 1 where everythign is avoided.. ​ he ate an entire pint of ice cream last night and yelled at me this morning because he gained 2 pounds overnight He also needs some addictional education on the human body,

because this is not how weight works and sounds like he needs to understand that daily weigh ins fluctuate due to several reasons, so you're often better off to determine weight loss/gain based on trends. He did not gain 2 pounds of fat overnight due to the pint of icecream.

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Consistent-Leopard71 - NTA. Your husband needs to grow up and take responsibility for his eating issues. He does not get to unilaterally decide that there will never be any snacks or desserts in your household. You have done nothing wrong here.

[Reddit User] - NTA. I am by no means trying to arm-chair diagnose your hubby but his behavior sounds similar to those who struggle with binge eating. I've struggled with my relationship with food and tried a program called intuitive eating; it helped me a lot and my relationship with food is way healthier now!

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Maybe he should try it because right now he's making you responsible for his own issues. Even if it's an addiction to those foods that still doesn't make YOU responsible. If he really can't control himself, though, this seems like it goes beyond 'lack of self-control'. Maybe he'd be open to therapy or something if you guys talked about it?

Biteme75 - NTA. An adult should be able to control their own eating habits. If your husband can't, that's his problem; not yours our your daughter's.

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-Fadomai- - NTA-but it sounds like your husband could *possibly* have an undiagnosed binge eating disorder. Certain “trigger foods” can cause an episode (i.e. “binge”) which could explain him eating the whole container/bag of certain foods in one go. Did he have food insecurity growing up? If this is the case, therapy, and talking out a plan are the best courses of action.

Sometimes it can help the person to know that a specific food is someone else’s (like a kid’s or roommate’s), but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Obviously it’s not fair to your kid to stop buying snack food altogether.

See if you can’t work something out. It may be helpful to divide the food in portions (such as dividing up a bag of chips into ziplock baggies and the like). Obviously not the most convenient solution, but maybe something workable until therapy kicks in.

clawrawr - Not the a**hole. You aren’t deliberately feeding him junk, you aren’t buying unhealthy snacks all the time and teaching your daughter moderation is healthy and important. Sounds like you’re Modelling healthy relationships with food, something your husband is struggling.

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Sounds like he needs help managing his feelings and self esteem. Gaining 15 pounds during covid is not the end of the world! Maybe there are some underlining emotions coming up and it might not be about you buying junk food and really about him being upset and unhappy with himself.

These takes are bold, but do they melt under scrutiny? Let’s see how they hold up in the real world.

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This frosty tale shows how one pint of ice cream can churn up big family waves. The mom’s standing up for her daughter’s right to treats while nudging her husband toward healthier habits is a delicate balance. It begs the question: how do you support a loved one’s struggles without sacrificing your own needs? What would you do if a family member’s issues reshaped your household rules? Drop your thoughts below and stir the conversation!

The author has updated the article information below:

UPDATE: Lots of people have suggested my husband’s behavior is pathological and that I should suggest therapy. As it happens I work in the medical field and I know his behavior is not optimal, so I have suggested therapy before. I’ve also suggested programs like WW to help him learn healthier habits and portion control.

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He insists he doesn’t need it and just needs me to stop bringing in snacks.  We did talk this morning and he apologized for getting mad at me, but did insist on no more snacks. I told him I wasn‘t willing to agree to those terms and explained my concerns that our daughter was learning his bad relationship with food.

He seemed genuinely taken aback by that and said he hadn’t considered that affecting her was a possibility because she’s still so young. I gently suggested therapy again and he said he’d think about it. I’ll add this as an update too, but I did want to make sure people knew therapy has been suggested by me more than once.

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UPDATE 2: A lot of people have been suggesting that my husband has a food addiction and asking if i would bring wine and beer home if he was an a**oholic. I’m not 100% sure this comparison is apt because while my husband clearly has a problem and needs help I’m not sure he’s a “food addict.” But here’s my answer anyway.

I wouldn’t routinely bring them home, no. But if we were having a large BBQ or get-together I might buy some to serve. I understand addiction. My dad was an a**oholic and I’ve been to Al-Anon and therapy and one of the main things I’ve learned is that everyone is responsible for their own recovery.

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You can’t expect the rest of the world to change its behavior because you have a problem. Liquor stores will still be open, bars will still be on every corner, and it’s up to you to handle the temptation. I honestly feel like I’ve been very supportive of him by doing what he wants for as long as I did.

But I have a child to think of and while she “won’t die if she doesn’t get junk food for a while” she will eventually pick up on this idea of food being good and bad and bad food having to be avoided at all costs and it will negatively impact her relationship with food and with her dad. i don’t want that to happen.

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