AITA for not reaching out when my dad’s mistress had a miscarriage?

The air was thick with tension in a quiet suburban home, where a 16-year-old boy stood his ground against his father’s demands. Four years ago, his world cracked when he learned his dad was cheating, leaving scars that still sting. Now, his father’s mistress—branded “stepmom”—faced a miscarriage, and the boy’s silence sparked a firestorm. Caught between court-ordered visits and raw resentment, he unleashed a truth that shook the family. Can a teen be blamed for refusing to comfort the woman who upended his life?

This story, pulled from Reddit’s AITA forum, dives into a messy family saga where loyalty, betrayal, and grief collide. Readers are drawn into the boy’s struggle, balancing his pain against his father’s expectations, while the Reddit community weighs in with fiery takes. Let’s unpack this emotional rollercoaster and see where the lines of right and wrong blur.

‘AITA for not reaching out when my dad’s mistress had a miscarriage?’

I wanted to have the courage to ask people if I am a jerk. When I was 12(m) I am now 16m found out my dad was cheating with a woman who knew my dad had a wife and children. Since then I have resented my dad and my 'stepmom'. I rarely speak to them only when my mom wants me to have a relationship with my dad and talk to him and obviously the court custody .

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So recently I heard my 'stepmom' had a miscarriage and tbh idc, I believe its karma, but I keep it to myself. My 'step mom' is wondering why I am not reaching out and so is my 'dad'. When I went to my dad's house because of the court ruling my dad was being mad why I have not consoled his wife and crap. I told him that it was not my job.

My dad was still in my face and was yelling at me and told me to talk more. I warned him and said don't get mad at my true opinion and u have been warned. My dad got mad at me and to just say it and he won't care what I have to say. I asked him are u sure, and he said yes. So I told him how I believed it was karma, for helping you cheat on my mom, knowing you had a wife and kids.

My dad then got very mad and told me to go to my step mom and console her, but instead I packed my crap and went out. My dad has been constantly calling me and texting me I have not responded, but I am still wondering if I was too harsh, but then again he did ask for my true opinion.

Family drama often feels like walking a tightrope, especially when infidelity leaves lasting wounds. This teen’s refusal to console his father’s mistress highlights a deeper issue: broken trust in families. The boy’s resentment stems from his father’s affair, which psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes can “shatter a child’s sense of security” . The father’s demand for sympathy ignores this trauma, placing unfair pressure on a 16-year-old.

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The boy’s “karma” comment, while harsh, reflects his unresolved anger. Dr. Gottman suggests that such feelings are common when children feel betrayed, often leading to emotional distance. The father’s aggressive reaction—yelling and demanding comfort—escalates the conflict, showing a lack of empathy for his son’s perspective. Meanwhile, the mistress’s expectation of support from a teen she barely knows feels misguided, rooted in her own grief rather than a realistic bond.

This situation mirrors broader issues of navigating blended families. A 2021 study from Family Relations found that 60% of children in stepfamilies report feeling caught in loyalty conflicts . The boy’s stance—prioritizing his own emotional boundaries—aligns with healthy coping mechanisms, though his delivery could use finesse. Experts recommend open communication to rebuild trust, but the father’s approach here shuts that door.

For the teen, setting boundaries is key. Dr. Gottman advises acknowledging feelings without judgment to foster healing. The boy could benefit from calmly explaining his pain to his father, perhaps during a neutral moment, to avoid further escalation. For the father, listening without defensiveness is crucial to repairing their bond. Both sides need patience to navigate this delicate family dynamic.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. The community rallied behind the teen, with users calling the father’s expectations absurd. Here’s what they had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA. A good example to never ask a person their true opinion if you don't want to hear it.

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Luna-Strange − NTA. Your old enough to stay with mom only, do it. You are not responsible for her at all. Fact that your dad is blaming you AFTER he asked your thoughts, several times, makes him a massive A hole. Hes lucky you didnt listen and tell her to her face that its karma.

soapybob − NTA. Who the f**k would force a 16 year old boy to console his step mum about a miscarriage?!? Do me a favour. Your dad is out of his tiny mind and his mistress , while understandably grieving her loss, is using that to manipulate your father. I'd keep my distance, they both sound like self involved narcissists.

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bunnymama815 − NTA. You’re right- it’s not your job. Neither of them have any right to tell you how you should handle this situation or express your emotions.

F1L0Y1 − NTA - you have to be civil when you're around her, but that doesn't mean you have to pretend to like her or console her. She isn't a mother figure to you and, tbh, it doesn't sound like your sperm donor is much of a father figure.. Expecting you to console her is ridiculous.

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the_last_basselope − NTA. If/when you speak to your dad again, point out to him that he and his mistress blew up your entire life and left deep mental scars that have not healed, and that every bit of your negative feelings about both of them are entirely their own fault. Also tell him that you only even speak to or see him because the court said you have to and that, given your own choice, you would cut him out of your life entirely.

[Reddit User] − NTA They pushed until you told them what you really think. Expecting you to comfort her is way too far.

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Wikidess − NTA - ridiculous of your father to expect you to console his mistress. It would be one thing for him to expect you NOT to be actively ugly to her about it, but expecting you to comfort her like you should give a s**t is just too much.

faster_leonard_cohen − ESH Miscarriages aren’t karma or punishment, they don’t only happen to bad people. So many women blame themselves for early miscarriages with undetermined causes - no one should feel guilt or shame for experiencing a miscarriage.

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The experience can be very painful, both physically and emotionally, and many times it’s absolutely no one’s fault. Dad (and stepmom) shouldn’t be pushing the kid to sympathize, and OP seems to have reacted like an angry, uninformed kid.

thethingis82 − NTA. How is a 16m suppose to console a grown woman? Even if you did have a good relationship with her (and with your backstory, it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to have a relationship with her), you’re not her emotional support animal. You’re a human being and you feel how you feel.

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These Redditors brought the heat, cheering the teen’s honesty while slamming the father’s pressure tactics. Some saw the mistress’s grief as genuine but misplaced, while others questioned the family’s dynamics. Do these bold opinions capture the full story, or are they just adding fuel to the fire?

This story lays bare the messy aftermath of infidelity, where a teen’s blunt honesty collides with a father’s unrealistic demands. The boy’s refusal to play comforter isn’t just rebellion—it’s a stand for his own healing. Yet, his “karma” jab shows the raw edge of teenage grief. Reddit’s chorus of support validates his feelings, but the path to peace lies in calmer waters. What would you do if you were caught in this family storm? Share your thoughts below!

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