AITA for not wanting to financially support my sister anymore?

Imagine shelling out a chunk of your paycheck every month to keep your sister’s lavish lifestyle afloat, only to learn she’s expecting another child while still leaning on your wallet. For a 27-year-old woman, the burden of contributing $1,500 monthly to her sister Lucy and surgeon husband Nick’s expenses—alongside her family’s $5,100 collective support—has soured family ties. With Range Rovers, a sprawling house, and now a new baby on the way, Lucy’s choices feel like a slap in the face.

The resentment boiled over when a baby shower was proposed, pushing the woman to her limit. Reddit’s buzzing with opinions on whether she’s right to pull the plug on this financial lifeline. Is she justified in saying “enough is enough,” or is family duty non-negotiable? Let’s dive into this tale of money, obligation, and family drama that’s got everyone talking.

‘AITA for not wanting to financially support my sister anymore?’

When family support feels like enabling, tensions flare. Here’s the original Reddit post that’s got the internet weighing in:

My sister, 'Lucy' and her husband, 'Nick' have a 4 year old son. They have been married for 7 years, prior to April 2019 they lived a very luxurious life. They drive Range Rovers and Audi's, used to go on 3 very nice vacations a year, and live in a 3500 square foot house. Lucy is a SAHM and Nick is a surgeon.

Also, Lucy is 39 and Nick is 40 for reference. In January of 2019, Lucy began contacting our family asking for financial assistance, always reassuring us that we would be paid back. This happened weekly until March 2019 when Lucy and Nick came clean about how absolutely screwed they were.

Then we set up a family funded account for Lucy and Nick to use to buy and pay for their essentials while getting themselves right way up financially. It's me and my husband, my brother and his husband, and my parents paying $1500 into it every month. Then, we have the grocery rotation every 2 weeks someone paying into the account pays in an extra $300 for their biweekly groceries.

Right now it goes Mom and Dad, brother and husband, me and husband. Everyone in the family has a good paying job so we're not on the verge of losing everything too but, this amount of money going out is still very much felt. Personally, I bring home $4200 a month.

I don't require my husband to pay for my sister but instead he ends up paying for most of the other bills, we don't go on vacation, and we've stopped saving for a house. So, he is still screwed over by this too unfortunately. Lucy and Nick were hoping to have another kid in 2018 but had difficulty conceiving.

ADVERTISEMENT

My family assumed that since they can't pay their bills they weren't going to try for another until they were stable. In December, they announced they were pregnant and due in late June 2020. My brother and I called each other after the text announcement and pretty much took turns screaming.

I am 27, my brother is 31 and we are having to put our lives on hold to keep Lucy above water and it's very upsetting. This morning, my Mom called me and talked to me about throwing Lucy a baby shower and I went off. I don't think we should throw a baby shower because we are already paying her so much. Almost 1 paycheck a month goes to Lucy, she doesn't need more of my money.

ADVERTISEMENT

My parents agree that Lucy and Nick should not have still been trying for a baby. But, when I said I want to stop giving them 2 weeks worth of my monetary compensation I receive in exchange for my life, they said I was in the wrong. My brother feels the exact same way, they're so willing to put our lives on hold, why can't we reciprocate the behaviour?

I can't tell Lucy and Nick when they can have a kid or not but, I feel like I should at least be able to say I'm not paying for it. They supposedly can barely make ends meet on what we give them now. My theory and assumption is based on their history with this though. In January of 2019 it was $200 a week to get by. Now its $1275? based off of the $5100 they get a month from all of us.. Am I The A**hole?

ADVERTISEMENT

Bankrolling a sister’s extravagant lifestyle while sacrificing your own dreams is a bitter pill to swallow. For this 27-year-old, the $1,500 monthly contribution to Lucy and Nick’s expenses—part of a family’s $5,100 pool—has strained her finances and marriage. Lucy’s pregnancy announcement, despite their debt, feels like a betrayal, pushing the woman to consider cutting off support. The family’s criticism only adds salt to the wound.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: family financial boundaries. A 2022 survey by NerdWallet found 30% of Americans feel pressured to financially support family, often at personal cost (Source). Financial advisor Suze Orman advises, “Helping family is noble, but not when it jeopardizes your own future” (Source). Orman’s insight highlights Lucy’s reliance as unsustainable, especially with a surgeon’s income.

The woman could set clear boundaries, like reducing contributions or requiring Lucy and Nick to downsize. A family meeting to discuss expectations might help.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s dishing out some fiery takes on this family funding fiasco, with users slamming Lucy’s choices and cheering the woman’s stand. Here’s what they had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. Getting pregnant when they're financially unstable? Also, Nick is a surgeon and Lucy is a SAHM? Has she even been looking for a job? And where does Nick's money go? These people are psychos. They are money-seeking and obviously don't need that much financial assistance.

Alliegibs − NTA! Have they sold their cars or house yet?? When you’re in financial trouble, you downsize, not leech off of younger siblings and aging parents!

risasmiles18 − NTA. They need to sell their cars, get something cheaper, and live BELOW their means while they pay off debt. This is NOT your responsibility, and you do NOT have to put your life on hold for them.

ADVERTISEMENT

MartialImmortal − Where can I find money fountains like you and your naive family?

loverlyone − NTA. So the family is kicking in $5100/month and no one has asked how long this is expected to go on?. In some courts you could be held liable for that support for an extended period. Get out now.

[Reddit User] − This is too weird for me. YTA for being a doormat. Reddit, I’m putting my phone down for the day, this post is too ridiculous. I’m going on a hike with the doggos.

ADVERTISEMENT

overpregnant − NTA - This is bonkers that you all are paying for them to support their previous lifestyle. They can sell their home and downsize. They can trade in their cars for less expensive models. They can be more frugal and careful with their groceries and live off of non-organic things for a while.

And NOW they're having another child? These two need to learn about responsibility, both financial and otherwise, and it is in no way your job to teach them. Stop putting your money into a wind tunnel. It's not doing any good and hurting your family in the process.

CassieBear1 − INFO: what exactly have they done to get into debt, and what exactly are they doing to try and get out of it?

ADVERTISEMENT

FireSafety101 − YTA to yourself. Why on earth would you cripple yourself financially so both your able bodied family members can have access to a huge pool of cash. Like what the actual f**k. Who asks family to do that? If you were out of work would they do this for you?

Are you living in the twilight zone?? Just stop, seriously. If they want they can sell the house, downgrade to a three bedroom house, and start driving around in a Honda Civic (which in my opinion are still pretty great).. Edit: And as the comments under me point out. You are being an a**hole to your partner as well.

lovemuppet − NTA. You have given her $1500 A MONTH for 10 months! That's $15K JUST FROM YOU. What the hell are they doing with his income? Have they sold/moved to a more reasonable home? Sold vehicles? Time to tell them to pull up their big kid panties and fix their s**t.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the hot opinions from Reddit, but do they capture the full flavor of this financial family drama, or is there more to unpack?

This woman’s struggle to balance family loyalty with her own financial stability is a tale as old as time, yet it stings with modern-day stakes. Lucy’s lavish life and new baby plans have pushed her sister to the breaking point, and saying “no more” feels like the only way out. Maybe a tough family talk or a downsized lifestyle could ease the strain. Have you ever had to draw a line with family money requests? What would you do in her shoes?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *