AITA for treating my daughter better than her half siblings?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a 17th birthday bursting with joy: a gleaming new car, a full ride to Harvard, and a proud dad cheering his daughter’s hard work. But for one family, this milestone gift turned into a battlefield of fairness. A radiologist dad, thrilled to support his daughter’s medical dreams, faces pushback from his ex, who worries the lavish gifts will alienate her other kids. The daughter, caught in the middle, just wants to celebrate her big day.

This Reddit saga pulls us into a tangle of parental love, blended family dynamics, and the sting of perceived inequity. As the dad stands firm on treating his daughter to a bright future, his ex’s call for balance sparks a heated debate. Is he wrong for prioritizing his daughter, or is this just a case of good intentions clashing with family harmony? Let’s dive into the drama that’s got Reddit buzzing.

‘AITA for treating my daughter better than her half siblings?’

My ex girlfriend and I had a daughter (17f) just before I finished my last year of medical school. Things went south with our relationship during the pregnancy, mostly because I was so busy with my schooling that she had to do most of the legwork.

We’ve since broken up, and she is now married with two other children (15f, 13m), and I am married with one other child (8m). I've shared custody of my daughter 50/50 since day one. My wife and I met during residency. We are both radiologists and do quite well for ourselves.

As such, we have the means to provide a lot of things for our two children. My ex is a SAHM, but her husband owns a small business, and while they are not rich, they do live comfortably. While my ex is happy that our daughter gets the privileges that she does, she has always expressed a mild resentment towards the fact that her other two children do not enjoy the same benefits.

She has never expected that we buy things for her other children, just that we try not to over do it so as to not create a divide between my daughter and her half siblings. I understood this, as I did not want there to be hostility in the home that my daughter lives in half the time.

I have also taught my daughter to treat others equally, and made her understand the place of privilege she comes from so that she never looks down on her siblings. She’s become a very down to earth and bright young woman, and we’re extremely proud of her.

However, things came to a head with my ex last week though, on my daughters 17th birthday. My daughter expressed near the beginning of high school that she wanted to pursue medicine like her stepmother and I (we never pushed her towards this).

We’ve guided her a long the way to ensure that she has a competitive application (good references etc.) at our alma mater college (Harvard). She has worked extremely hard to get the grades she has through high school, and is quite likely to receive an acceptance with the references we helped her secure.

To reward her for everything, we surprised her with a new car on her 17th birthday (she never needed one before, but will to travel to/from college etc.) and also informed her that we would be fully taking care of all of her college expenses. She was over the moon on this, as she never expects/feels entitled to anything.

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She called her mom soon after to give her the good news, but apparently my ex did not share in the joy as much as she’d hoped. My ex called me soon after, to express how unfair it was that my daughter would be showing up with this brand new car, when they can’t even afford it for themselves, let alone their other children.

Her other daughter is also hoping to pursue medicine, but they are unable to afford to pay for her schooling. She thinks these gifts will drive a massive wedge between the sisters, and I feel horrid about it, but I honestly don’t know what else I could do. I can’t just deny my daughter free ride to college, when we can easily afford it. AITA here?. 

Edit: I've just been informed that I can add edits without breaking the character limit rule. There have been a few repeat questions that I wanted to address here: 1. People have suggested that I also help my Ex's other daughter with references for school. This is a great idea and I would be happy to.

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2. The reason we purchased the car a year in advance is because we wanted her to have sufficient driving practice before moving to a busier city with busier highways. 3. The reason the car is new is also for safety concerns with a used car. You never know how the last person drove it.

This birthday blowup is a masterclass in navigating blended family tensions. The dad’s generosity—gifting a car and college funding—is a dream for any teen, but it’s no surprise his ex feels the sting for her other kids. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a blended family expert, notes, “Disparities in resources can strain sibling relationships if not handled with care” . The dad’s intent to reward his daughter’s hard work is admirable, but the lack of communication with his ex sparked avoidable conflict.

The daughter’s gifts highlight a real issue: economic disparity in blended families. The ex’s kids, lacking similar support, may feel sidelined, especially since one also dreams of medicine. Studies show 65% of blended families face tension over unequal treatment . The dad’s effort to raise a humble daughter is commendable, but his ex’s concerns about a “massive wedge” aren’t baseless—siblings often compare parental support.

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This situation reflects broader challenges in co-parenting across economic divides. Dr. Papernow suggests proactive communication to align expectations. The dad could’ve warned his ex about the gifts, allowing her to prepare her kids emotionally. Offering to help the ex’s daughter with college references, as suggested in edits, is a smart olive branch. It maintains boundaries while fostering goodwill.

For now, the dad isn’t wrong to support his daughter, but a heads-up to his ex could’ve softened the blow. Moving forward, he should keep open lines with his ex to ensure his daughter’s success doesn’t strain her sibling bonds.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit showed up with a lively mix of cheers and shade for this family drama, like a backyard BBQ where everyone’s got a spicy opinion. Here’s the raw scoop from the community:

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87_north − NTA. It's plain and simple. If you and your ex-wife truly taught your daughter to 'treat everyone equally regardless of their economical status', than your ex should being more understanding, and practice what she's preached. Your daughter sounds like a good person, and doesn't have an intention to 'rub this in her siblings face' or anything.

Sweetcilantro − NTA. ​ your keeping her at the same level as you treat your other children, just because your ex can't provide the same for hers does not make you an a**hole for providing for your daughter.. ​

Your ex would probably get mad if you bought it for your children with your current partner but didn't get the daughter you shared one.. ​ If your ex really complains, just offer to have the car stay at your house until your daughter goes off to college.

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Battleship1239 − NTA OP, she is *17* and getting *ready for college*, she is. A)gonna need a way back and forth. B)Funding to go to school. In my eyes you've done nothing wrong, and it isn't like she sat down and bragged about it for a while, ppus the other children are really young, your ex sounds like an entitled parent.

[Reddit User] − NAH. Those aren’t your kids. If you can provide your children with the best, than so be it. But it’s understandable why ex is unhappy too. While you shouldn’t be expected to foot the bill for your ex’s children, maybe do the same thing for them in helping them get references

and a strong application so they can get into a good school. If they’re serious, they can get good grades coupled with the references and get scholarships to somewhere that’s going to allow them to do what they want.

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Consistent_Spring − They aren’t your kids, NTA. I know you want to make sure that your daughter has a good relationship with all of her siblings, but it isn’t your fault if not.

FigchenVilliers − NAH - I can appreciate both sides, and I do feel like you could have discussed such big gifts with your ex first so she could work out how to handle the issue on her side. It’s so hard as a parent to avoid unfairness and resentment between siblings as it is, so what a difficult situation this must be.

HAP71 − NTA. I hate how a parent is willing to reduce one child's opportunities (even where such opportunities won't diminish their other childrens' opportunities) just because they can't afford to do the same.

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Why harm your daughter's future for something she can't do anything about. How awful. She should take the education and move on. Neither she nor you're doing anything wrong. Her mom is TA (gently) by hurting your daughter just because she isn't able to do the same.

ShardsOfReality − NTA, if they are not your kids they are not your responsibility. Sounds like your daughter will be nice enough not to rub it in her half-siblings faces so her mom should just be happy that her daughter is being well taken care of, instead of just being jealous.

studentpuppy − YTA. After reading a lot of the comments that give more context to the situation, YTA. While the way you presented it in the post of “am I the a**hole for taking care of my kid and not my ex’s kids” would of course lead me to say no, that’s not the reality of the situation.

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You bought a 17 year old a brand-new Tesla to go to college in a year, while a huge number of colleges don’t even allow freshman to have cars on campus or provide parking. Additionally, “hard work” does not guarantee admission to top colleges, especially Harvard, which leads me to believe that if you’re this confident she will be admitted before her application is even submitted, you’re probably using connections to get her in

Obviously that’s your choice and I’m not saying that’s wrong, but you can’t frame it as “I’m just doing what any parent would do and my ex is just resentful.” All of these things are enormous status and wealth symbols that represent a ton of privilege and will certainly separate her from her half-siblings.

If you want her to be a normal down to earth teen, then treat her like one. Get her a used car (they are safe is they’re inspected) or pass down your own family car to her. Let her get herself into college without your involvement.

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And if you’re not willing to do any of those things, at the very least tell her mother when you’re about to drop $300k on her daughter (Tesla = $40k + 4*$70k/year tuition and fees). Furthermore, you didn’t inform your ex of any of this beforehand and just let your daughter tell her after it was already done.

This is a classic technique when parents are trying to outdo or show-up one another. Not only does her mother have no say in any of this or any ability to prepare for it in advance, but you’re also ensuring that any pushback from her will make her the bad guy in your daughters eyes.

Whether you planned it to be or not, this is pretty manipulative. Additionally, framing this question as “AITA for treating my daughter better than her half siblings” completely skirts around the core issues and manipulates the conversation so that people agree with you and say that you’re not the a**hole.

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I’m not sure whether or not you truly don’t understand or are just trying to engineer the outcome of this debate and absolve yourself of any guilt, this is fairly gaslighting and I honestly feel bad for your ex.

Finally, since you continually assert that your child is not entitled, take a moment to consider her pulling her Tesla out of a private garage at Harvard as a freshman to go home for break while her full ride scholarship classmates work work-study jobs in the dining hall and spend breaks on campus because they can’t afford to travel.

While I’m not saying anything bad about your daughter (I know nothing about her), if it actually is important to you that your daughter not be entitled, you should at the very least point out to her the many ways in which she is extraordinarily privileged.

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slothscantswim − Where’s she gonna park a car in Cambridge?

Redditors mostly backed the dad, praising his support for his daughter and calling the ex’s reaction unfair. Some saw her side, urging better communication, while others questioned the lavishness of the gifts. But do these takes capture the whole story, or are they just stirring the pot?

This tale of a generous dad and a resentful ex leaves us grappling with questions of fairness, privilege, and family ties. The dad’s big gifts sparked joy for his daughter but tension with her half-siblings’ mom. Was he wrong to shower his daughter with opportunities, or should he have considered her siblings more? What would you do in a blended family with unequal resources? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this conversation rolling.

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