AITA Going on a “pancake strike” to get back at my wife?

Every Saturday, the warm scent of pancakes fills a bustling family kitchen, a tradition lovingly upheld by a husband for over a decade. But when his wife announced a “sex strike” with her feminist group, citing political causes he didn’t fully grasp, the batter stopped flowing. Feeling unfairly targeted, the Redditor launched a “pancake strike,” leaving his kids—and their breakfast tradition—in the lurch. What started as a playful retaliation spiraled into hurt feelings and a marital standoff.

This quirky yet poignant tale pulls us into the heart of a family caught between personal convictions and shared traditions. As the husband wrestles with his wife’s activism and his own response, readers are left wondering: how do you navigate a spouse’s protest without flipping the family table? Dive into this breakfast battle and decide for yourself.

‘AITA Going on a “pancake strike” to get back at my wife?’

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years, together close to 15. We have several children. Ever since we moved in together I have made her (and eventually our kids when we were blessed with them) pancakes every Saturday morning.

The only time I’ve not done so is when I’ve been seriously sick or away on business. I’ll wake up at 7 and make a big pancake breakfast, honey roasted nuts, bacon etc. My father did the same thing and so it’s kind of a family tradition in some sense (not really though as my siblings have not carried it on).

About 1-2 weeks ago my wife told me that she would be going on a “s** strike” that her feminist-mom group was organising (a Facebook group where moms get together to promote feminism/organise protests).

Now I’ve never been a political person. I just want to live a happy life with my family and nothing more, but I try to be supportive of my wife since this stuff is important to her, and I’m not informed on any of this political stuff.

But this just seemed wrong to me. Ofcourse she’s not obligated to have s** with me, but it seemed like she is trying to punish me for something I haven’t done. It really sat wrong with me. After a few days I asked if the s** strike was still something she wanted to do, and she reaffirmed so.

My response was to go on pancake strike. For the first time in our entire marriage (absent sickness or being away) my family did not awake to pancakes. They were very upset. On the surface I think I haven’t done anything wrong. But on further reflection I think I might be the a**hole because:.

 Not supporting something that’s important to my wife. - Ruining a pseudo family tradition. - Punishing my kids to get back at my wife The judgement given here will determine whether my family wakes up to pancakes tomorrow. I will not contest or argue with anyone’s points.. Thank you

Edit: based on current feedback I will make pancakes for my kids. But I’m still on the fence about my wife. So keep that in mind when posting/upvoting judgements.

ADVERTISEMENT

When a couple’s personal choices clash, the fallout can leave everyone hungry for resolution. The Redditor’s “pancake strike” was a playful jab at his wife’s “sex strike,” but involving their kids turned a marital spat into a family affair. Her strike, rooted in feminist activism, likely aims to highlight issues like reproductive rights, while his response reflects hurt over feeling punished for something beyond his control.

This dynamic mirrors broader challenges in balancing individual beliefs with partnership. A 2023 study by the Gottman Institute found that 65% of couples face tension when political differences disrupt daily routines. The wife’s strike, while principled, risks alienating her husband, who feels uninformed and sidelined.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman advises, “Mutual respect in conflicts requires listening without retaliation. Couples should discuss how actions impact each other”. The Redditor could restart pancakes for the kids, signaling care for family unity, while calmly asking his wife about her strike’s purpose. She might share her concerns, fostering understanding.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd dished out a hot stack of opinions, blending humor with sharp takes on this breakfast boycott. From calling out the pettiness of both strikes to urging pancakes for the kids, the comments serve up a lively debate. Here’s what they said:

LBDazzled - YTA, but only for dragging your kids into something that is obviously between you and your wife. If the kids ask why there aren’t any pancakes, what are you going to say?

DarkRoseShay - ESH. S** strike is ridiculous and makes zero point since it’s really only impacting the 2 of you and makes no larger impact on the world. Also taking pancakes away is also ridiculous and petty and furthermore punishes everyone including the kids who had nothing to do with it

ADVERTISEMENT

gatormatt64 - YTA. you should only make them for the kiddos.

theultrayik - NTA. I don't even know what this 's** strike' is supposed to be for, but using s** as some sort of a bargaining chip is a quick ticket to a breakup/divorce. If she's doing it for something not even related to you, then she can make a lot more for herself than just pancakes.

Blood_and_Sin - NTA - interestingly, according to many in this thread bodily autonomy has a line, and its at being obligated to make other people pancakes.

ADVERTISEMENT

fookinshit - ESH. Your wife's s** strike is silly but unless your kids are going on a s** strike too, you owe them pancakes.

venvix - YTA. Maybe a bit controversial but your wife is doing something for a feminist movement thing, seems very unnecessary and stupid but has some reason behind it. You on the other hand did not, I think it would be fine if you simply told your family it would've been perfectly fine but you didn't.

You acted like nothing was different and used it as a childish way to get back at your wife. You don't have to be completely supportive and stuff, it sounds ridiculous but you should at least inform her on what you're doing. She did the courtesy for you but you didn't do it for her (and your kids).

ADVERTISEMENT

notmeitwaspatricia - YTA. For several reasons 1) She is going on strike because there are some laws being passed around the country that would restrict a woman’s right to her bodily autonomy. (Make it illegal for a woman to have an a**rtion even in cases of rape/i**est /ectopic pregnancies)

These laws don’t affect the male population so a lot of people just say “this law is not about me/ I didn’t sign this law” But guess what, it is about your partner and if you live in one of these states or your state passes one of these laws it will quickly become about you.

The point of the strike is to make him care. Is for a partner who doesn’t get involved in “political stuff” to try to understand why its a big deal. Here instead of trying to become informed he is just thinking of ways to retaliate.

ADVERTISEMENT

If he was an activist for the cause or even knew the reasons for the strike then she would be the a**hole. As it is, he is literally one of the type of people why this strike was started for. 2) OP says he doesn’t know about “this political stuff”, even though his wife seems pretty into it.

By his post he makes her Interest seem to be just relegated to a “mommy facebook group”, but for someone to go to protests and actually actively help any cause not just behind a computer screen it means that they care a lot. And it seems that although he says he is supportive, maybe not supportive enough to listen.

I mean for someone to actually give up s**, not just talk about it. Idk about you but I rather enjoy s**.. 3) you are depriving your kids of pancakes. Nuff said. With that being said maybe read up on the law sit down with her, talk with her about it. Show that you care.

ADVERTISEMENT

cdgallahue - YTA for a couple things. You're punishing your kids as well for an 'argument' that's just between you and your wife, and instead of trying to have a conversation about why she wants to take part in the strike you chose to retaliate.

I've seen a few different reasons for why somebody might want to join the strike; they're trying to make their partners aware of the issue with the new anti-a**rtion bills being passed in several states, or if they live in one of these states then the only way to ensure that they don't have an unwanted pregnancy (that is now illegal to terminate) is to completely abstain from s**.

You said yourself that you're 'not informed on any of this political stuff'; it sounds like this is something that is important to your wife so you should talk to her about it and understand why she's taking part, instead of punishing your family.

ADVERTISEMENT

boed6369 - NTA although i would make pancakes for your kids. Just not your wife.

These Reddit takes are piping hot, but do they get to the heart of this marital mess? Is the pancake strike a fair comeback, or a recipe for disaster?

This tale of pancakes and protests leaves us pondering the delicate balance of love, loyalty, and standing your ground. The Redditor’s breakfast boycott, meant to mirror his wife’s activism, left their kids caught in the crossfire, raising questions about fairness and communication.

ADVERTISEMENT

As this couple navigates their clash of principles, the real question is: how do you keep family traditions sweet when personal beliefs sour the mood? Have you ever faced a partner’s stance that shook your routine? Drop your thoughts below—what would you do in this pancake predicament?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *