AITA for not uninviting my half sibling at my birthday against my parents wishes?

A young man’s birthday turned into a battleground of family loyalty. Years after his father’s affair left scars, he discovered a half-brother, a hidden piece of his past. Inviting him to his celebration sparked fury from his parents, rekindling old pain.

His choice wasn’t just about a party—it was a stand for connection over secrecy. Readers feel the weight of his dilemma: was he wrong to prioritize his brother over his mother’s hurt? This story dives into the heart of family ties.

‘AITA for not uninviting my half sibling at my birthday against my parents wishes?’

Here’s how it started, my (24m) dad cheated on my mom when I was 7. He knocked up his mistress so he had no choice but to come clean. We moved out (mom and me) and we were separated from him for over 2years, only saw him a couple times. But then they decided to work stuff out. One of the conditions in their relationship was that my dad never has contact with mistress or the kid.

Which my dad agreed to since he already stopped talking to her when she got pregnant. I knew that my dad cheated but I never knew he had a kid until years later when I was 19. He admitted it but that he didn’t wanna be involved at all since it wasn’t planned and mom didn’t want that either. It kinda pissed me off that he was cool with abandoning his other kid.

And I also should add that my dad and I really don’t have a good relationship since the cheating came out. I asked my dad who he was and thought it was cool knowing I had a brother out there. My dad told me to leave it because he’s not part of our lives. Didn’t like the way he acted over that and decided I’d find out who my half brother was on my own.

It actually took me a while. I found out who the mistress was through my dad’s cousin cause I guess she was a family friend before. When I was 20, I friended her on FB, said who I was and that I wanted to know my half sib.. I had my own issues with her but my main focus was my bro. She was cool with it and let me start seeing him.

He always knew he had a sibling and about my dad so he was excited to meet me. I never told my parents I found him until over 2 yrs later when we already had a good relationship. My dad said I needed to cut contact when he found out. It was a big fight but in the end I told them they had no say in this.

Since then they knew I see my brother a lot and that we’re close. This year I invited him to my place for my b-day with my friends. My buddies have hung out with him before so they’re all cool. My parents wanted to stop by but I told them my brother was here. And ya they were furious.

Dad told me this is going to hurt my mom and bring up all the pain again an I needed to make sure he left before they got there.   I said no and told if he can’t handle seeing the kid he abandoned then don’t come at all. Woulda asked bro anyways if he’d rather leave so it’s not likely he’d have been there if he didn’t wanna stay.

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They didn’t end up going but my dad made sure I knew I’m deeply hurting my mom and it was completely unfair of me to bring this all up again and he wasn’t sure if it was just to spite him or what. I’ve tried calling my mom since but she’s ignoring me and idk how to feel about this. Was I an a**hole for the situation and making her hurt?

Family secrets can ignite emotional wildfires. This man’s choice to embrace his half-brother against his parents’ wishes highlights a clash between personal values and family pain. His parents’ demand to shun the brother stems from unresolved hurt, but it unfairly isolates an innocent sibling.

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Infidelity complicates family dynamics, with 20% of marriages affected, per a 2018 study (source). The son’s actions challenge efforts to erase the past. Dr. John Gottman says, “Healing after betrayal requires acknowledging pain without punishing the innocent” (source). His outreach fosters fairness.

Open dialogue could ease tensions. He might validate his mother’s feelings while maintaining his brother’s place in his life. Therapy could bridge gaps.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit served up spicy takes on this family saga. Here’s what they said:

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maggienetism − NTA. I do get why your mother wouldn't want to see tangible proof of being cheated on and feel for her, but she did choose to stay with your father despite that and asking him to cut out one of his children entirely and asking you to cut out your brother is unfair. Your dad is the biggest a**hole in this equation. You and your brother are blameless and should be able to maintain a relationship if you wish to do so.

AprilL4163 − NTA, for those saying that Y-T-A because you're hurting your mom, she's not innocent in this either. Your dad is the biggest a**hole for having an affair, but rather than face that head-on she decided a child should grow up fatherless so she didn't have to deal with that reality. Her feelings should not be the priority here.

[Reddit User] − You are a much better human being than either of your parents. NTA. You didn't hurt anyone. you are mending hurt. Your father hurt your mother, your brother, you, and I'm sure a host of other people. As a random internet mom, I'm really proud of who you turned out to be.

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jackalope78 − NTA, the kid is innocent in all of this and as an adult you can be friends with whoever you want, including your half-brother.

Trash-BABIE-Bitch − NTA. You reached out to your brother and you built a relationship. That could never make you the a**hole, you are his family. You have every right to get to know him and spend your time with him.

My older brother passed away, I am not getting anymore time. If I were you, I wouldn't waste it. Tell your Mom that you love her, and you are so sorry this hurt her but it would hurt your little brother so much more in the long run to be abandoned not only by his Dad but also his Brother.

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C0pper-an0de − Nta. I’m sure it’s hard for you mom, but your dad sucks for placing all the blame on you. *He’s* the one who hurt your mother and he’s the one that should have known that his choices would have consequences

plumbus_hun − NTA, but everyone else it. Your dad is #1 a**hole due to the affair and also being cool with NEVER EVER seeing an innocent kid purely because the wife that he cheated on said so. Your mum is an a**hole for not dumping your dad, and making a child grow up without knowing their father. Please continue to have a relationship with half brother, its a very kind thing to do. Well done to you 👏 👍 🙌

coke_pinky − NTA, you didn't hurt your mom, he did.

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Cry_Original − NTA Your dad made a mistake, but instead of accepting it and taking care of his other son, he hid. I get why you're mum would be upset as this would reminder her of her husband's betrayal, but she cannot make you choose, and we don't know if she has.

 She gave your dad an ultimatum but it sounds like he chose to cut contact long before they got back together. Be mad at your dad but try to be sympathetic to your mum's situation.

MirrorRevolutionary4 − NTA. You are allowed a relationship with your brother free of your parents drama. Your mom’s hurt feelings are a problem of her own making. Don’t forget, while your dad did the abandoning of your brother, your mom was in on that deal too. You wanting a relationship with your brother was a completely foreseeable outcome.

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These views range from praising the son’s compassion to noting the mother’s pain. But do they capture the full story? It’s a tangled web of right and wrong.

This saga of loyalty and hidden siblings raises tough questions. Was he right to choose his brother over his parents’ comfort? When family secrets clash with personal values, where do you draw the line? Share your take—what would you do in this messy situation?

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