AITA for brushing my hair in spite of my grandma?

In a cozy suburban home, the air buzzed with anticipation for a special family brunch, but beneath the clink of coffee cups, a hairy situation was brewing. An 18-year-old, armed with her signature curls, faced off against her grandmother’s old-school hair wisdom. For anyone with curly hair, the struggle is real—brushing can turn lush curls into a frizzy lion’s mane. This young woman’s reunion with her grandparents, after years apart, sparked a clash of curls and convictions, leaving readers wondering: was her defiance a bold stand or a petty jab?

The stage was set for a classic family showdown, where love and stubbornness collide. Her grandmother’s insistence on a polished look clashed with the teen’s hard-earned hair knowledge, honed at boarding school far from home. With emotions running high and a professional photographer waiting, this curly conundrum unraveled into a moment that was equal parts hilarious and heartfelt.

‘AITA for brushing my hair in spite of my grandma?’

Sorry if the title might be confusing. Anywho, context: I (18f) have kind of curly hair? It's like half way I guess. The bottom curls a lot but near my scalp it doesn't curl nearly as much. Because of my curls, if I brush my hair it turns into a giant poofy lions mane basically. It's all frizzy and static-y and just looks bad. However, I didn't really discover this until I was about 14.

My hair was wild growing up. Well, growing up my grandma always made a fuss over my hair. No matter what you did, it'd be frizzy when dry. So every time I was at her house she'd have me brush my hair because she never believed that I had already brushed it. I hope you can see where this is going. (Some additional context:

I haven't seen my grandma in a few years due to going to a 'boarding' school in a different country. I stayed there for about two years, but on breaks I'd only see my parents and friends, not my grandparents. When I returned home for good my grandparents moved away and I didn't get the chance to see them due to covid.)

Well, I finally got the chance to see my grandparents again, and we went to their house for the weekend. With the way my hair is now, it's a bit frizzy as it's drying, but when it's completely dry the frizz becomes a lot less noticeable due to the curls. I also finger brush to minimize the frizz.

My grandma saw me while my hair was drying and told me to 'go brush my damn hair' and that 'by this age I should already know how to brush my hair'. I told her that brushing my hair so much is what made my hair so frizzy, so I refused. She told me that was b**lshit, and that I'd better brush it before our special brunch.

I just ignored her for the most part, and when into the guest room to do homework. That was until our 'special brunch', when I came out of the room to leave. My grandma saw me and my curls and said 'look at how much better your hair looks when it's brushed.

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I told you so!' I was literally dumbfounded. Did she seriously think my hair was brushed? Lmfao. I told her it wasn't brushed and she didn't believe me, so I went and got a brush, walked up to her, and brushed my hair. Wouldn't you know it, it was a f**king disaster. The look on her face was priceless lmao.

She got all angry at me saying that I just ruined her family photos (guess that's why the brunch was so special) and that I needed to fix my hair. I told her there was nothing I could do now, and she was the one who told me to brush my hair anyway. My mom said I was an a**hole for this but my dad said that it was hilarious (away from my mom of course).

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Though, I do kinda see why I'm an a**hole, because she paid for a professional photographer(which i didnt know until she told me after the fact lol),and she already told me my hair looked good and I ruined it on purpose to spite her. So, yeah, aita?

Edit: wow this blew up. Thank you all! I just woke up by the way, lol. But while my grandma is stubborn and stuck in her ways I still love her, she's usually good to be around, its just me needing to 'look presentable'. Also, my mom and grandma both have straight hair, for those wondering. Thank you for all of the support and tips though!!

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Family reunions can stir up more than just warm fuzzies, especially when generational differences tangle over something as personal as hair. This young woman’s standoff with her grandmother highlights a classic clash: tradition versus individuality. Her curls, a source of pride, became a battleground, with Grandma insisting on a brushed, “presentable” look. The teen’s choice to brush her hair mid-brunch, proving her point, was a cheeky move—but was it justified?

The heart of this issue lies in miscommunication across generations. According to Family Psychology, family dynamics often falter when assumptions override understanding. Grandma’s straight-hair lens likely blinded her to the teen’s curly hair needs, while the teen’s defiance, though funny, escalated the tension. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Issues notes that 60% of family conflicts stem from misaligned expectations, especially around personal expression.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, emphasizes, “Respecting individual differences within a family strengthens bonds” (Gottman Institute). Here, the grandmother’s rigid stance clashed with the teen’s autonomy. Gottman’s advice suggests validating each other’s perspectives—Grandma could’ve asked about curly hair care, while the teen might’ve explained her routine calmly before the brunch blowout.

To navigate such clashes, open dialogue is key. The teen could share online resources, like curly hair care blogs, to bridge the gap. Grandma, in turn, could prioritize connection over control. Both sides have room to grow, fostering mutual respect.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew dove into this curly caper with gusto, serving up a mix of cheers and chuckles. From curly-haired comrades to amused onlookers, the comments were a lively blend of support and shade. Here’s what the community tossed into the ring:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Anyone with any shade of curly hair knows if you brush the curl, you’re getting Diana Ross hair. You tried to tell her.

CaptainObvious007 − NTA this made me laugh. Grandma is the a**hole. She is super rude about your hair, and also who the fuxk doesn't warn someone when they are going to be professionally photographed?

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boobookbooze − NTA. Fellow curly haired person here and I can definitely relate. I was tortured in middle school because of my hair. I would brush it and would get frizzy. People (students and teachers) would bully me, ask why I never brushed my hair, etc.

So I’d brush it even more and it would be even worse. And this was 20 years ago, so there weren’t as many options in curly hair care. Curly hair and brushes do not go together. Even ones that are made for curly hair cause mine to become a hot mess

mcmurrml − NTA, she should have kept her mouth shut and your parents should have never allowed her to badger you as a kid about your hair.

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cassidy11111111 − Nta. Similar hair and it’s crazy what a brush will do. I haven’t used a brush in years, condition the hell out of it and finger comb while it’s wet.

No_Medium_7205 − NTA, she was too stubborn about something she doesn’t know🤷🏻‍♀️

TheOneAndOnlyFen − NTA She got what she asked for. I'm siding with your Dad here, 100% hilarious. Edit: My kid has curly hair, sounds like curlier than yours. My mom kept bugging her to brush and she did the same. Luckily we didn't have photos.

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While I laughed, I sent her to at least get her hair wet so it could dry properly again. BTW, to battle the dryness, try a few hair oils. My kid uses coconut and argon to keep the curls nice and the frizz in check. Also a wide tooth comb.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Curly hair is a thing unto itself. My best friend is a curly haired girl and is on a facebook page and a reddit page devoted to caring for it. Now my hair is stick straight, so brushing it is fine. But you need special care.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She didn’t have to be so rude, even if she thought you ran wild with your hair. Tbh, I didn’t learn until having a curly child that brushing hair out could be a disaster. Im only especially conscious of it now because my MIL is like your grandma.. You think seeing your grandkid would matter more than their brushed, but still unruly hair but apparently not..

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Psychological_Tap187 − NTA. Anyone with curly hair knows the brush is an enemy.

These Redditors rallied behind the teen’s curly rebellion, with some tossing in hair care tips and others cackling at Grandma’s stunned reaction. But do their hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the frizzy flames?

This curly hair clash reminds us that family ties can tangle over the smallest things, like a brush stroke gone wrong. The teen’s bold move was a lesson in standing her ground, but it also left a family photo in frizzy ruins. Love, stubbornness, and a dash of humor shaped this moment, proving that even hair can spark a heartfelt debate. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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