AITA for not letting my son’s “friend” stay for Thanksgiving?

In a cozy suburban home, the aroma of roasting turkey and pumpkin pie usually signals a warm Thanksgiving gathering, but this year, one family’s holiday plans hit a snag before the table was even set. A parent, trying to balance fairness and house rules, found themselves at odds with their 16-year-old son after a surprising discovery turned a promised guest visit into a heated debate. What started as a simple invitation spiraled into a clash of trust, privacy, and family expectations, leaving everyone questioning who’s really in the wrong.

Caught between enforcing a no-romantic-partner rule and breaking a promise, the parent’s decision stirred up emotions as raw as the cranberries on the table. With the son feeling betrayed and relatives picking sides, this Thanksgiving tale highlights the messy, heartfelt struggles of parenting teens in a world where secrets are just a text message away. Readers, brace yourselves for a story that’s equal parts relatable and polarizing.

‘AITA for not letting my son’s “friend” stay for Thanksgiving?’

I promised My son (16m) he could have his friend visit from out of town (I share custody with my ex wife so he splits his time between our cities) and stay for Thanksgiving until school break was over.

ADVERTISEMENT

However I started to notice some suspicious behavior, “hi handsome ” as a greeting when they were facetiming, calling him “bub”, even my son's laugh when talking to him is different. I decided to take a look at my son's phone, the very first thing I see in their messages, is a selfie of the 'friend' shirtless in bed.

I knew for sure then. I told my son his 'friend' couldn't come for Thanksgiving and explained why. His brother can't have his girlfriend over, he can't have his boyfriend over. Everyone is acting like I'm wrong for breaking the promise though. AITA?

Navigating teenage relationships can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield, especially when house rules and hidden truths collide. This parent’s dilemma—balancing fairness with trust—touches on a universal parenting challenge: how to set boundaries without alienating your teen. The decision to check the son’s phone and cancel the visit sparked tension, but it also raises questions about privacy and rule enforcement in modern families.

The parent’s no-romantic-partner rule, applied equally to both children, aims for fairness but may feel rigid to a teen exploring their identity. According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 67% of teens feel parents should respect their digital privacy, yet many parents monitor devices to ensure safety. This clash reflects a broader struggle: teens crave autonomy, while parents grapple with protecting them.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist and author, notes, “Trust is a two-way street in parent-teen relationships. Monitoring can erode it if not handled transparently”. Here, the parent’s phone-checking, while driven by suspicion, likely deepened the son’s sense of betrayal. The rule itself isn’t inherently unfair, but enforcing it without open dialogue risks pushing the teen away.

For solutions, experts suggest clear communication over confrontation. The parent could explain the rule’s intent—equal treatment, not judgment—and invite the son to discuss his feelings, especially about his identity. Setting boundaries collaboratively, like allowing supervised visits, could rebuild trust.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s hot takes on this Thanksgiving turmoil are as spicy as the stuffing! From calling out the parent’s phone-snooping to questioning the no-partner rule, the community didn’t hold back. Here’s what they said:

ADVERTISEMENT

ChargeFluffy8515 - NTA. Same rules for both children. Although kind of s d**k move spying on his phone...

PurpleVermont - YTA for looking at your 16yo's phone without permission. And why can't your kids have their SOs over if they want? Keeping them away from their boyfriend/girlfriend when they're at your place is only going to make them not want to spend time at your place.

ADVERTISEMENT

SignificantOrchid584 - mmmm im not quite sure of the validity of this post tbh but im gonna put in my two cents. It's a little weird to me that you immediately reacted with anger after seeing the messages - which were none of your business anyways dude- instead of asking yourself why your son might wanna hide this from you? YTA for that

MikeForShort - This sounds made up. If not fake, YTA. Why on earth would you not want your kids S/O to be there, but be okay with friends there? Furthermore, now that you know who your son's 'friend' is, why are you not happy?

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your son lied to you, likely to get around your no romantic partner policy. You enforced the policy fairly. THAT SAID, looking at his phone at 16 is not a good idea. It's just a violation of trust right at at time in his life when you need him to be willing to come to you when things get difficult. Yeah, he lied. It's a pretty understandable lie though. I'm willing to bet you lied for similar reasons at 16. I know I did.

MissIllusion - Info - why are girlfriend/boyfriend not allowed but friends are?

ADVERTISEMENT

esk_7140 - NTA. You have a house rule, no romantic partner allowed, which you were already applying for your daughter. Your son knew this rule, but try to get by it, hoping he can trick you because he's gay. Your decision is correct, however when you explain make sure to point out this has nothing to do with his sexuality, it's simply about the rule that needs to apply equally to both kids.

jtillery1 - NTA... your house your rules. When has his own place he can have over anyone he wants.

ADVERTISEMENT

Delicious-Dog-643 - Nta if the rules are no SO sleepovers then no SO sleepovers... no matter the genders... he said his friend and he's not a friend... he.didn't disclose his sexuality, which is his right, but he made you not trust his motives...

Nnyinside - Are the fake Thanksgiving posts really starting this early? It's 4 AM on the East Coast, get some more sleep and troll later.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit opinions are fiery, but do they capture the full picture? Is the parent’s rule outdated, or is fairness the real issue here?

This Thanksgiving saga serves up a hearty helping of family drama, blending trust, boundaries, and teenage secrets. The parent’s choice to uphold a house rule over a promise sparked a rift, but it also opens the door to deeper conversations about privacy and fairness. What would you do if you were caught between enforcing rules and keeping your teen’s trust? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice below—how would you handle this holiday hot potato?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *