WIBTA if I pretended I was too busy to meet a “friend” because I know she’s got “big news”?

In a cozy small-town café, the buzz of coffee machines hums beneath the weight of unspoken feelings. A woman in her late 20s, let’s call her Mia, stares at her phone, her thumb hovering over a message from a friend who’s more ghost than confidante. Once a vibrant partner-in-crime for late-night adventures, this friend now only resurfaces to flaunt life’s milestones, leaving Mia feeling like a forgotten footnote. The latest text? An invite to spill “big news,” likely a pregnancy or engagement, stirring a cocktail of resentment and loneliness in Mia’s heart.

Mia’s no stranger to heartbreak, having ended a cherished relationship over differing life goals. Her friend’s absence during these tough years stings, especially when the only outreach feels like a bid for attention or gifts. Readers can’t help but wonder: is Mia wrong to sidestep this reunion, or is she justified in guarding her heart? This tale of fading friendships and unspoken boundaries promises a relatable dive into loyalty and self-respect.

‘WIBTA if I pretended I was too busy to meet a “friend” because I know she’s got “big news”?’

I (late 20s f) Got a huge 'friend crush' from work a few years back. She was so fun and outgoing I was immediately drawn to her and we had some pretty wild times going out and going on adventures. At the time I found it hard to have friends like that because most people were baby-tied-down or in their own little family hub with partners.

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One night, I end up bumping into an old highschool crush that messed me about a lot and I honestly have some very negative memories about, they hit it off from the moment they set eyes on eachother.. I didn't hear from her for a year. Then she asked if we could meet up for a coffee and she'd tell me all the things they were doing together and how happy she was, then she disappeared again for another year.

Now she's asking if we can meet up because she has big news. Which I know FOR A FACT is going to be pregnancy or marriage. I know It's petty but I just don't want to hear it. I broke up with someone I loved dearly because he didn't want marriage or kids and dating right now is just a s**t sandwich.

I think I could be happy for her if she ever took the time to actually see me, but I've had a tough couple of years and she never once bothered with me. I feel like maybe I'm being an a**hole here because I'm being petty and I'm letting my own feelings of being alone affect my friendship. Also because I'd be lying about being busy. Edit/ update: Hey everyone, I'm so o**rwhelmed by the amount of responses this got, thank you so much for your advice and support.

So, I declined meeting for a coffee as she actually wanted to meet within the next couple of hours and I genuinely was busy. She didn't bother to reschedule ...big shock, but said the big news was that she is pregnant and wanted me to come to her baby shower. As suggested by a few commenters this felt like a swing at getting some free gifts from me.

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I decided to get down to the nitty gritty and tell her that I don't feel comfortable going to something meant for close friends, when we haven't talked in a very long time. She didn't reply till this morning and it was just an 'ok'. Sorry to disappoint those who wanted me to open up a whole dialogue, but honestly, why would I bother?

It's quite clear she isn't interested in a real friendship of any kind and I think some people were right, why waste my energy when I already tried reaching out to her multiple times throughout the years? I got rid of her number but I haven't blocked her, not because I'll be expecting to hear from her again ...I won't. Simply because it's a small town and I don't want to create waves. Just let it lie.

Mia’s story of a friend who only calls to share life’s highlight reel is a classic case of one-sided relationships. Friendships thrive on mutual effort, but when one side ghosts, it’s like watering a plant that’s already wilted. Mia’s reluctance to engage feels less like pettiness and more like self-preservation, especially after her friend’s two-year vanishing act. The opposing views here—Mia’s hurt versus her friend’s apparent obliviousness—stem from mismatched expectations. Mia craves connection; her friend seems to want an audience.

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This dynamic isn’t uncommon. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that 68% of adults reported feeling disconnected from friends post-major life changes like marriage or parenthood. Mia’s friend may be caught in her own bubble, but that doesn’t excuse neglecting Mia’s tough years. Dr. Irene Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Friendships require reciprocity. When one person consistently takes without giving, the relationship becomes unsustainable.”

Levine’s insight applies directly to Mia’s situation: her friend’s sporadic check-ins feel performative, not supportive. Mia’s decision to set boundaries by declining the baby shower invite aligns with protecting her emotional energy. For others facing similar issues, experts suggest clear communication—like Mia’s honest message about feeling distant—or redirecting energy to reciprocal friendships. Joining local groups or online communities can also rebuild connection, ensuring no one feels like a prop in someone else’s story.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for Mia’s dilemma. It’s like a virtual potluck where everyone brought their unfiltered takes—some with a side of sass. Here’s what the community had to say:

billlevansatmariposa − NAH.. But you don't have to lie. You can decline without giving a reason. Miss Manners would approve.

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grianmharduit − NTA. She ditched you twice. She’s a user. Why do you still give her access to you?

OrcEight − **NTA** She is connecting with you annually just to show off. You don’t need this. Feel free to have no time for her.

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[Reddit User] − What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t meet up with this “friend”? You don’t hear from her again ever, rather than once a year? And I note that “friend” is what you’ve called her, so it’s clear you recognize that she’s really just an acquaintence, not a true friend.. NAH. You get to curate your own interactions with people, and who you call true friends.

[Reddit User] − She’s not actually a friend, though. Not anymore, at least. She met a romantic partner and ditched you for years. You are under no obligation to see her if you don’t want to.. NTA.

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LrrrRulerotPOP8 − Info: how often did you reach out to her?

Kellymargaret − NTA - why bother, I wouldn't care, she ditched you for two years! It seems to me she wants you to be all excited for her, maybe even buy presents and then she will ditch you again.

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muy_carona − NTA, it’s okay to cut her out completely.

winsluc12 − NTA But you don't *need* to lie. In fact, I'd say it's not going to help you. If you use that lie, she might just try to set up another time, possibly multiple times, and eventually it's a lie that won't hold water anymore. She's contacted you only twice in two entire years, and it doesn't really seem like you've tried to keep contact that much on your end,

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either (Justifiably, because in spite of the fact that 'Messed me around' is a little vague, it doesn't make your feelings about this former crush invalid). You basically don't *have* a friendship with this woman anymore. If you want to be nice about it, Just say that you feel like you've grown apart and you think it's time you went your separate ways.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It seem like she just contacts you to get attention and reactions. She can’t jump in and out of your life when it pleases her. You have the right to be upset and guarded.

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These Redditors rallied behind Mia, cheering her for setting boundaries or calling out her friend’s flaky vibes. Some saw the baby shower invite as a gift-grab scheme, while others urged Mia to let the friendship fade quietly. But do these fiery opinions capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the drama?

Mia’s choice to step back from a one-sided friendship speaks to the power of prioritizing self-respect over obligation. In a world where social media often amplifies others’ highlight reels, it’s easy to feel left behind when friends move on to new chapters. Mia’s story reminds us that friendships should lift us up, not leave us as spectators. Her decision to let this connection fade, without burning bridges, shows strength in a small-town setting where paths often cross. What would you do if a friend only reached out to flaunt their wins? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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