AITA for buying my brother a new wok and an air fryer?

Picture a young man, eager to help his teenage brother navigate a new celiac diagnosis, gifting him shiny kitchen tools to whip up safe, vegetarian meals. What should’ve been a heartwarming gesture turned sour when their mother’s boyfriend blew up, accusing him of spite. The Reddit post brims with frustration, revealing a family caught in a web of insecurity and misunderstanding.

This story goes beyond a wok and an air fryer—it’s about supporting a sibling’s health while dodging unwarranted family drama. The brother’s thoughtful gift clashed with their mother’s boyfriend’s fragile ego, sparking a feud that left everyone on edge. Was he wrong to prioritize his brother’s needs, or should he have tiptoed around family tensions?

‘AITA for buying my brother a new wok and an air fryer?’

This story may seem straight forward, but I have been told I was in wrong from many people so I wanted to come here to see if I actually was. I’m a 24 year old man. Last year my mom moved her and my brother (18) half way across the country and build a house with her boyfriend. I never liked him but I haven’t had much interaction with him.

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My brother doesn’t like him and it’s clear my moms boyfriend doesn’t like my brother either. I live 4.5 hours away from my brother. He came to visit me last weekend to see a. Gastroenterologist specialist after and has found has celiac among other things. My brother does most of the cooking in the house and likes to make Asian meals.

He’s also the only vegetarian in his house (I am one to) and for awhile has been telling me he wants to get kitchen stuff that hasn’t been tainted with meat. My moms BF also has a deep fat frier. Because of him being Gluten free, and his new found Gluten intolerance, I decided to get him a new set of knives, a couple cutting boards, a new wok and an air fryer.

He was super excited about this. Well a few hours after my brother got home I got a call from a number I didn’t know. I let it go to voicemail and when I went to listen to it was from my moms boyfriend (he went on my moms phone and got my number).

He was yelling at me telling me I had no right to buy my brother a new air fryer and wok and that I was doing it to spite him because I bought a better air fryer and wok than the fryer and wok he had (which is not true). This is not the first time he has made a claim like this.

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I called my mom and told her she needs to put her man in check but all she said was I should have checked with her before I bought the stuff and “based on past experiences” it can be inferred I was doing this to spite her boyfriend. Her boyfriend seems to think everything my brother and I do is an attack on him which all we’ve ever done is try to go about our lives and avoid him the best we can.

Buying kitchen tools for a sibling with celiac disease is a kind act, not a battlefield. The brother’s gift addressed his 18-year-old sibling’s need for gluten-free, vegetarian cooking, crucial since cross-contamination can trigger serious symptoms. The mother’s boyfriend’s explosive reaction, however, suggests deeper insecurities. A 2024 study shows 65% of blended families face tension when new partners feel threatened by existing family bonds (Family Process Journal).

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Insecure partners often misinterpret neutral actions as personal attacks” (Psychology Today). The boyfriend’s accusation that the gift was meant to “spite” him reflects this, projecting his discomfort onto a practical gesture. The mother’s insistence on prior approval further muddies the dynamic, sidelining her son’s health needs.

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The man could address this by calmly explaining to his mother that the gift was about his brother’s health, not a jab at her boyfriend. Dr. Heitler suggests setting boundaries to prevent misinterpretations, like discussing future gifts privately. Resources like Celiac Disease Foundation offer tips for safe cooking, which the brother can share to ease tensions and focus on health.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit users dished out a lively mix of support and snark, rallying behind the brother’s good intentions. Here’s what they had to say, edited for clarity:

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[Reddit User] − NTA, and your mother's bf sounds insanely insecure and controlling. People with severe Celiac can feel ill even from minor cross-contamination, so until your brother learns the ins and outs of his condition, cooking separately is just smart.

BTW, since your bro cooks a lot of Asian dishes, make sure he's being careful about what soy sauce he uses and to read ingredient lists on other premade sauces carefully. A lot of soy sauces have wheat in them, as do some brands of gochujang and other common sauces. But there are wheat and gluten-free versions.

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JemimaAslana − NTA Jesus, the bf has issues. Your mom really needs to make a decision about whether she wants her sons to stay in contact with her in the long run.

Obakewriter − NTA, Damn. I wish somebody maliciously planted an air fryer in my kitchen... Can't you take in your brother? If new BF takes everything as a personal attack, it mustn't be a healthy environment.

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bmidontcare − NTA. How old is the boyfriend, 12?! Tell your brother to keep his cooking stuff in his room, cos if boyfriend decides to s**ew with it, the cross contamination could make your brother pretty sick. Source, my sister also has Celiac.

Little-bit_ − Info: is she dating a 12 year old boy? The fuq kind of bf is this! NTA. He needs to grow up. I’m sorry but your mom must be desperate for a boyfriend if this embarrassment is her ‘man’

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Grouchy_Courage1386 − NTA, if anything is going to happen out of spite then it will be the BF doing something, I can imagine him purposely cooking meat in the new wok to contaminate it.

[Reddit User] − The celiac is normally from a gene in the family so you should check it out. NTA

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audacityofthatstitch − NTA your mom needs to take a serious look at why her boyfriend feels so threatened by her sons.

neverthelessidissent − NTA, sorry that your mom sucks and has bad taste in men. You're a good brother.

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SoValkyrieMama − NTA. Sounds like mom’s boyfriend has major insecurity issues since he’s making things about him that clearly aren’t about him at all.

The Reddit crowd cheered the man’s thoughtfulness while roasting the boyfriend’s overreaction. Their takes spark a question: do they capture the full story, or just fuel the family fire? This kitchen gift saga has everyone buzzing.

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This story shows how a simple gift can ignite family sparks when insecurities flare. The man’s support for his brother’s health was admirable, but the boyfriend’s reaction turned it into a feud. Clear communication could help untangle this mess. Have you ever faced backlash for a well-meaning gesture? Share your experiences below!

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