AITA for refusing to financially help my family after they abandoned me even if it means they’ll end up homeless?

A young woman sits in her cozy home, scrolling through messages that burn with desperation. Years ago, her family sent her packing, leaving her to forge a life without them. Now, they’re back, pleading for financial rescue from the brink of homelessness. The weight of their abandonment clashes with the guilt tugging at her heart. This Reddit saga, raw with emotion, pulls readers into a moral tug-of-war: does she owe them anything after being cast aside?

The story unfolds with vivid stakes—family ties severed by choice, now tested by crisis. Readers can’t help but feel the sting of betrayal alongside her, wondering if compassion should trump old wounds. Her dilemma mirrors a universal question: where do loyalty and self-preservation draw their lines? Let’s dive into her story, pieced together from Reddit’s candid corners.

‘AITA for refusing to financially help my family after they abandoned me even if it means they’ll end up homeless?’

I feel like this is such a cliché reddit story but I’m really struggling with what to do here so.. I am my mother’s oldest biological child. When I was 5 my father passed away and she remarried my step-“dad” when I was 8. When I was 9 I was sent away to live with my father’s sister who lived states away because her husband didn’t want me to live there anymore.

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They used to pay my aunt some money to watch me but when I was 14 that stopped. My aunt and uncle worked low paying jobs and had two of their own children, so they really couldn’t afford the extra expense of having me around without that help. Despite that, they let me stay and continued to treat me like one of their own.

I very rarely saw my mom, I think I saw her 5 times between 9 and 18. She never even called. She went on to have three more children (19M, 18F and 16M) with my stepdad. Growing up I used to stalk my siblings and parents on social media to see what their life was like and it was polar opposite to mine.

They regularly went on expensive vacations, lived in a massive house and owned the latest gadgets, etc. I went to college and got married at 23. My mother/siblings have no idea I’m married. I’m currently 28 and doing well financially. My husband and I own our own home, we have several very profitable investments and work high paying jobs.

My cousins (30F and 27F) and I all contributed to help my aunt/uncle to finally purchase their own home last year. Recently, my mom showed up to my aunt’s house begging for financial help. Apparently, my stepdad suffered from a gambling addiction a few years ago and lost all their savings.

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Now with COVID he’s lost his job and they can’t afford to keep their house without help. My aunt explained she didn’t have any money to help her and when my mother demanded to know how she could afford her new house if she had no money, she explained what me and my cousins had done.

My mom then asked for my number. When she called me and explained the situation. I told her I couldn’t help. She kept begging me and claimed my siblings would be made homeless if I didn’t help them. I told her maybe she should sell some of their fancy stuff or they could all get jobs like my cousins and I had to.

I hung up before she could reply. Since then I have been receiving message after message from my mom, my siblings and even my stepdad begging me for help. I have NEVER spoken to my siblings in my life. They’ve begun harassing my husband and my SIL.

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They’ve also reached out to my aunt and cousins multiple times trying to get them to convince me to change my mind. I’m SO angry with them all. They threw me away and when they need something, they come crawling back? But the guilt is also starting to set in an I don’t know if I’m being an a**hole. Am I?

Family estrangement is a jagged pill to swallow, especially when old wounds are reopened by desperate pleas. This woman’s story highlights the clash between duty and self-respect. Her mother’s choice to send her away at nine, followed by years of silence, created a chasm that’s hard to bridge. Meanwhile, her family’s lavish lifestyle, now crumbled by reckless decisions, fuels her resentment. Both sides have valid emotions—her anger at abandonment, their fear of losing everything—but the root lies in choices made long ago.

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This scenario reflects a broader issue: the lasting impact of family estrangement. According to a 2015 study by the Journal of Family Issues, nearly 12% of adults report being estranged from a parent or sibling, often due to rejection or neglect (journals.sagepub.com). The psychological toll can linger, shaping trust and boundaries. Here, the woman’s refusal to help stems from a need to protect her hard-earned stability.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement, notes, “Reconciliation requires acknowledgment of past harm, not just a demand for aid” (drjoshuacoleman.com). His insight cuts to the core: her family’s pleas lack accountability, expecting her to erase years of neglect. Their harassment only deepens the rift, ignoring her pain. Coleman’s work suggests that healing starts with mutual respect, not obligation.

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For the woman, setting boundaries is key. She could offer limited, structured help—like connecting them to social services—while protecting her peace. Blocking their numbers or seeking legal advice for harassment, as Reddit suggests, could also preserve her mental health. Ultimately, she must weigh her values against the guilt, knowing she’s not responsible for their choices.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out opinions with a side of sass. Here’s a glimpse at what the community had to say, unfiltered and brimming with conviction.

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halcyonmeadow − NTA. These people are not your family. You owe them absolutely **nothing**. It's time to block and consider threatening legal action for harassment. edit: S**t I know it's cringey to thank people for awards but six of em? Y'all I was just laying on the couch watching Hoarders and eating popcorn like a lizard when I wrote this comment so I'm surprised but thank you.

[Reddit User] − So a bunch of strangers and a woman you knew when you were a young child are begging you for money? F**k them. NTA If they didn’t think you were the easiest means to recover their lifestyle you would never have heard from them.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. They made their bed, now they've got to lay on it. If they're so desperate for cash, they've got assets & objects they can sell, they can get less-paying jobs but that can mean an income, and they can figure out how to live their lives without you, as they have for so many years. Sorry you got that mother OP, but sounds like your aunt + uncle + cousins gave you a lovely home all the same.

catsaway9 − NTA. Change your phone number, get a restraining order, whatever it takes to keep these people out of your life. You don't owe them a thing.

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4sP_3nGG − NTA.. She's not your mother, she's just a surrogate. Your aunt has been a better mom for you than she ever could be.

LollipopGestap0 − NTA, your mom abandoning you and moving on with her happy little life was a royally s**t move. You owe them nothing and are in no way obligated to save them from their own poor choices.

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Kigichi − NTA Your mom and step-dad basically sent you to the farm because he didn’t want you around, and then went on to have more kids and a happy family without giving you a second though. They aren’t your family.

Your family are your cousins, aunts and uncles that raised you and took care of you. Don’t give those STRANGERS a single penny or listen to them when they start up with half-assed apologies or demands that you pay them back the money they sent your aunt and uncle.

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rastarampage − YTA. why did you hang up without telling you mom:' the karma is a b**ch'?? Call her back and make that clear please. and don't be guilty, you owe them nothing.

PurpleGoatInATutu − NTA. Your aunt and uncle and cousins are your family, not your mom and her family. You did well by yourself and seem like a great person, to care for your aunt and uncle, but your mom had no part in your upbringing and you owe her nothing.

Pretend-Panda − NTA. Your (birth)mother and stepfather decided who was important to them 20 years ago, and that hasn’t changed. You owe them nothing. There is absolutely no reason for you to support them.. Please find a way to prevent them from continuing to harass you and your family.. And congratulations on making such a great life for yourself - you deserve to enjoy it.

Talk about a digital campfire—Reddit’s takes are fiery, but do they hold up in the real world? One thing’s clear: the crowd’s got her back, but the guilt’s still knocking.

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This woman’s story is a gut-punch, blending raw betrayal with the pull of familial duty. She’s built a life from the ashes of abandonment, yet her family’s crisis stirs a nagging guilt. Should she help those who turned their backs on her, or stand firm in her hard-won independence? It’s a messy, human dilemma with no easy answers. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this conversation going.

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