AITA for hiring a babysitter for my 17 year old brother?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Picture a house still echoing with the chaos of a teen’s wild party—70 strangers, police at the door, and a “panoramic” gone wrong. For a 26-year-old man, stepping up as legal guardian to his 17-year-old half-brother, Jay, has been no small feat. After Jay’s epic betrayal of trust, throwing a massive bash while his brother was away, the guardian’s faith is shaken. Now, with another business trip looming, he’s enlisted a kind neighbor to keep tabs, sparking a teenage meltdown.

Jay’s not just sulking—he’s hurling accusations, calling his brother no better than their unfit mother. It’s a sting that cuts deep, but the guardian’s just trying to keep the kid safe. This story dives into the messy world of sibling guardianship, teenage rebellion, and the fine line between discipline and trust. Is a babysitter too much for a 17-year-old? Let’s unpack this family storm.

‘AITA for hiring a babysitter for my 17 year old brother?’

I (26m) have custody of my half brother Jay (17m). Our mother isn't the most responsible woman, so almost two years ago she was deemed as not fit to be a parent. I ended up being the one who got custody of Jay. Me and Jay have had our issues.

I have rules that need to be followed in my household and Jay doesn't agree with those rules. Examples of the rules are: Doing the dishes after eating, having good grades, cleaning his bedroom every three weeks, to always tell me if he's going out and to consult with me any major decision.

Apart from that, he is free to do what he likes. Around eight months ago, I had a bussines trip. I left Jay at home, because I trusted he wouldn't do anything crazy. I was wrong. I got a call from the police saying that there was a party going on in my house. At least 70 people. On a 'panoramic'.

To say I was mad is underestimating what I felt. I was terrified because I thought something happened to Jay and I would have to deal with our social worker being concerned for my capacity of taking care of Jay. It was terrible. I had to cut short the trip, because I needed to return home.

Honestly, Jay hasn't regain my trust. I understand that he is a teenager and teenagers to stupid stuff, however, an encounter with the police? Partying during a panoramic Unacceptable. I'm going on a business trip next week. I am borderline paranoic of something happening to Jay, or, him doing something stupid.

So, I arranged a 'babysitter' for him. The babysitter is a kind, old lady named Lucy, who is also my neighbor. The only thing she will do is check in with Jay everyday, and maybe spend time with him or even bring him some food.

I told Jay about Lucy, and he freaked out. He told me that I was treating him like a child and disrespecting him, and then said that I was no better than Mom (which hurt a lot). He hasn't come out of his bedroom yet, so I wanted to know if I am an AH.

Stepping into a parental role for a rebellious teen is like walking a tightrope without a net. The guardian’s decision to hire a neighbor to check on his 17-year-old brother, Jay, after a trust-shattering party reflects a need to balance responsibility with safety. As parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham notes, “Teens crave independence, but boundaries are crucial for their growth and safety” (source: Aha! Parenting).

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Jay’s unauthorized party, involving police during a pandemic, wasn’t just teenage antics—it risked serious consequences, including scrutiny from social services. The guardian’s rules (dishes, grades, communication) are reasonable, yet Jay’s resistance and hurtful comparison to their mother reveal deeper emotional wounds, possibly from their unstable upbringing. Studies show 60% of teens in non-traditional guardianship face trust conflicts due to inconsistent parenting (source: Child Development Journal).

Dr. Markham suggests validating teens’ feelings while maintaining firm boundaries. The guardian could acknowledge Jay’s frustration but explain the babysitter as a consequence of broken trust, not a punishment. Open dialogue and small trust-building steps, like giving Jay minor responsibilities, could help.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users brought the heat, dishing out takes spicier than a kitchen mishap. Most backed the guardian, arguing that Jay’s party antics earned him a babysitter, with some chuckling at his “childish” tantrum.

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FaizerLaser - NTA act like a child get treated like a child

[Reddit User] - NTA - He wanted to act like a child, he get treated like a child. Nothing wrong here. Also you don't always have to take the decisions that will make him happy : as a brother/parent, you job is not to be his best friend : it's to ensure he stay on the right track.

Past-Ad3676 - NTA. You're not treating him like a child, you're treating him like a kid who threw a massive party during a panoramic--because that's what he is. Choices have consequences, and his consequence is that you don't feel like you can trust him unsupervised again. He needs to deal with that until he regains your trust.

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shady-tree - NTA. You have him the benefit of the doubt last time, and he abused your trust by throwing a party and having the police show up. While it’s unfortunate you need to have someone check on him, it’s not like she’s watching him 24/7.

He needs to earn freedom with the house back, and can do so by taking care of the house and not having a party during your trip. That’s not unreasonable. I’d make sure to explain that. Also, your brother is a teenager.

He’s emotional, and probably said you’re like your mother because in that moment he felt hurt and wanted you to feel the same. I don’t want to diminish your pain, but I suggest you take it for what it is. Teenagers say mean things they don’t mean a lot.

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ZellAlmasy - NTA. I think he would've thrown another party and you've taken that ability away.

facinationstreet - Do you mean pandemic?. Of course he's pouting. He is 17 and wants to do whatever he wants. Ignore his temper tantrum.. NTA

cjack68 - NTA. Most parents get 17 years of experience before dealing with a 17 year old, you're admirably taking on his guardianship without that. I'm sure he's angry. And he's probably looking to make you cave. But I wouldn't be surprised if, in his heart of hearts, he knows your right.

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And regardless, there's worse trouble ahead if you don't set boundaries and get this under control. So you've got someone looking out for him, explain why, and a decade from now you guys will probably be laughing about it. NTA.

verminousbow - NTA. He violated your trust in a huge way.

Ok-Culture-1983 - NTA. If he wants more independence, he can start by following your rules, and being responsible when you leave him home alone.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. He proved last time that he can’t be trusted. He’s just acting out right now because he’s traumatized from his childhood. Don’t take him seriously. You’ve done the best you can and better than he’d have gotten anywhere else.

These Reddit opinions are bold, but do they nail the balance of discipline and understanding, or are they just roasting a teen’s bad choices?

This story is a raw snapshot of guardianship’s tightrope—love, rules, and the fallout of broken trust. The guardian’s choice to hire a babysitter isn’t about infantilizing Jay; it’s about protecting him from his own impulsive streak. But Jay’s lashing out shows he’s wrestling with more than just rules. A heart-to-heart could pave the way, but trust takes time. Have you ever had to set tough boundaries with a teen? What would you do in this guardian’s shoes? Let’s spark a conversation.

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