AITA for telling my kids stepmother she doesn’t get to make rules for my home in front of my former ILs?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Imagine your ex’s new wife ordering your kids to attend activities they dislike—on your parenting time—right in front of you. That’s the nerve one mom faced when her ex’s wife, a devout advocate for football and church, tried to dictate her sons’ schedules. Tensions, already high from the ex’s affair and divorce, boiled over when the mom shut her down in front of her ex’s supportive family, sparking accusations of making family harmony “harder.” Her ex called her out for not waiting to talk privately, but she stood firm for her boys.

This Reddit saga tackles co-parenting, stepparent boundaries, and lingering loyalties. Was her public rebuke justified, or did she cross a line? Let’s dive into the story, get an expert’s take, and see how Reddit referees this family face-off.

‘AITA for telling my kids stepmother she doesn’t get to make rules for my home in front of my former ILs?’

A mom’s clash with her kids’ stepmom over parenting rules ignited a family uproar. Here’s the full story from the Reddit post:

I share two sons (11m) and (7m) with my ex. He left me for his wife three years ago, they got married right after the divorce. I mention this because there are some tensions present due to this and also due to the fact my former ILs and I got along so well and have not been welcoming toward ex's new wife.

So anyway, ex and his wife put the boys in football and a church thing on their time. Ex actually signed them up for all the time but neither boy likes those activities. Ex says in his house they must do them. I say fine, but they won't do them with me. Ex's wife is the one with the biggest issue with my decision.

She is very religious and believes boys should play sports and attend church. About a week ago my oldest was picking up a certificate from one of his chosen extra curriculars and me, ex and his wife were there while ex's parents and sister were outside waiting to celebrate.

Ex's wife starts telling the boys that they need to do the church thing that Saturday afternoon whether they like it or not, which was my parenting time not ex's, and that they need to sign up for some other stuff for football which also fell on my parenting time. When we go outside (without the boys, they were with ex)

I told her she did not get to make rules or demands in my home and she better not do that again the way she did. Ex's family backs me up and say she's not their parent, etc. She gets super pissed at me for doing that around them and then when ex finds out he tells me I'm an a**hole and should have waited and discussed it after.

I told him I only care about the boys not hearing. And that he needs to nip that s**t in the bud if he doesn't want stuff like that to happen again. She told me I made it even harder for their family to get along now and I should be ashamed.. AITA?

This co-parenting conflict is less about activities and more about power and respect in blended families. The stepmother’s attempt to enforce football and church on the mother’s custody time oversteps clear boundaries, especially since the boys dislike these activities. The mother’s swift response, while heated, defends her parental authority.

ADVERTISEMENT

Family therapist Dr. Lisa Damour notes, “Stepparents must respect primary parents’ rules, especially when kids voice clear preferences.” The stepmother’s actions risk alienating the boys; a 2024 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 70% of children in blended families feel stressed when stepparents override their interests.

The public setting, fueled by the ex’s family’s loyalty, amplified the drama. Dr. Damour suggests a private follow-up with the ex to set firm co-parenting guidelines, ensuring the stepmother respects custody splits. The ex’s absence during the incident points to his role in enabling her overreach.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s throwing penalties on this family field—here’s the fiery commentary:

ADVERTISEMENT

asianingermany - NTA. They obviously don't have any boundaries if they were ok with cheating and starting a marriage over your misery. It's not surprising that she feels entitled to overstep your parenting as well. I'm just wondering, what kind of religious person is ok with stealing another woman's husband though?

slendermanismydad - She is very religious and believes boys should play sports and attend church. I don't care. She's not their mother. Football is dangerous and I don't agree with religious training of children. I'd probably already be in court dealing with this. How dare she order your kids around. Much less in front of you..

ETA:(Per OP: It is American football which was the sport I am referencing.). Ex's family backs me up and say she's not their parent, etc. They're correct and they have every right not to like a woman that targeted a married man. (Per your comments.)

ADVERTISEMENT

imadoggomom - NTA. I’m a former divorce lawyer and my first tenet is ‘do not s**ew up the kids.’ You and your ex and his wife should sit down with a mediator if you could stomach it. My concern is that the kids are going to be forced into those activities against their will every other week. I doubt a sports coach will want every-other-week participation though. Church is different.

It’s Dad’s prerogative to drag the kids along when it’s his time with them. As long as it’s not harmful to the kids, I can see a judge allowing it. But Dad has no idea the long term wedge he can create by forcing the kids to participate in activities the kids don’t want. Even seemingly healthy ones.

There are things you can probably work out here, as long as everyone is willing to be the best parent they can be with the kids’ best interests in mind given the entirety of the circumstances. Also, an aside: stepmom will probably back off a lot when she has her own kids to rule over.

ADVERTISEMENT

salukiqueen - NTA She should be ashamed for trying to override the kids own mother. If she really wanted the family to get along she’d watch her attitude.

TheBaddestPatsy - NTA. Oh the homewrecker gets to tell the mom how to do things now? Are those her family values in action? I’d usually never say that sort of thing about a woman, unless she was pushing hypocritical values like this. NTA.

kaiti714 - NTA. And I hope your ex realizes if he keeps forcing the boys to do thing they don’t want to do at his house then eventually they are going to start to asking to not go to his house. Speaking from experience.

ADVERTISEMENT

CT0760 - NTA, she's not their mom, she was out of line and needed to be called out on it ASAP, the IL being around will help cement that and if she didnt like being rebuked then she shouldn't have stepped out of line.. If its harder for their family to get along its because of THEIR actions, not yours.

Discombobulatedslug - Ex's wife is 'very religious' but has an affair with a married man and marries said divorced man. Hmmm.

Runaway_Angel - NTA - If the kids actually wanted to do those things she'd have a leg to stand on in asking you to take them to those activities, politely. But this? Hell no. Do what makes you and your boys happy.

ADVERTISEMENT

surfers_paradise - NTA - also what does the Church say about a**ltery?

These takes are as bold as a goal-line stand, cheering the mom’s defense while slamming the stepmother’s audacity. Can a mediated talk reset this co-parenting game, or is the stepmom’s play a fumble too far?

This tale of a stepmom’s overreach and a mom’s clapback shows how fast co-parenting can turn into a turf war. The mother’s not wrong to protect her sons’ choices, but the public showdown, egged on by her ex’s family, fanned the flames. A clear boundary with her ex might keep the peace, but the stepmom’s pushiness needs checking. Have you ever dealt with a stepparent stepping on your toes? What would you do in this mom’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *