AITA for calling my dad out for saying mom would have loved his wife/would have been happy for them as a couple?

Under the dim glow of a restaurant’s chandeliers, a young man’s voice cut through the clink of cutlery. At just 19, he faced his father, challenging a narrative that felt like a slap to his late mother’s memory. His father’s claim—that his mom would have cheered for his new wife, her lifelong rival—sparked a fire in the son’s chest. The table, set with crisp napkins and half-empty wine glasses, became a stage for a raw family showdown.

This Reddit tale pulls readers into a whirlwind of loyalty and loss. The son’s grief clashes with his father’s new love, stirring a debate that’s both personal and universal. With the fiancée and her parents as uneasy witnesses, the scene captures the ache of holding onto the past while the present pushes forward. It’s a story that begs us to ask: where does truth fit in family ties?

‘AITA for calling my dad out for saying mom would have loved his wife/would have been happy for them as a couple?’

My mom died when I was 16m. Three years later dad started dating the one woman my mom hated most in the world. They had beef going on since childhood and then when they worked together it continued. Mom used to say how much she hated her, how she'd be glad when she no longer had to have her in her life.

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She said she was the worst person ever. It used to be a joke with my dad and my mom's family that mom would haunt her if mom was the first of the two of them to die. Everyone knew the feeling was mutual between them though.

So much that people they worked with did everything so they never had to work together and their boss almost fired my dad's current wife back in the day for her unprofessional behavior. Dad fell in love with her though and ever since he's been determined to paint a different picture.

It turned my mom's family against him who hated him for his choice of partner after mom. They said if he expects to reunite with mom in death then he has another thing coming because she would never forgive him for choosing her (his current wife). His choice of wife bothers me too.

As well as how he talks about her and my mom. He has talked endlessly about how she would have loved his wife or how happy she would be for them. Once he even said she sent his wife to us so when I have kids, they can have a grandma. My fiancee and I were having dinner with my dad and her parents (dad's wife was there too).

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Dad started off on his BS about this and I called him out and reminded him that mom hated her, and that the feeling was very much mutual while she was alive. That he had the right to move on but to stop painting a pretty picture.. He told me I had done that to hurt him and that he didn't need my judgement.. AITA?

This family dinner dust-up is more than a heated moment—it’s a clash of memory and moving on. According to Dr. Kenneth Doka, a renowned grief expert, “People often rewrite narratives after loss to cope with guilt or conflict” . The father’s insistence that his late wife would approve of his new partner may reflect a need to reconcile his choices with his past, but it risks alienating his son.

The OP’s frustration stems from his father’s revisionist storytelling. His mother’s hatred for the new wife was well-known, rooted in decades of personal and professional rivalry. By claiming otherwise, the father dismisses his son’s grief and lived experience. This dynamic isn’t uncommon—studies show 60% of blended families face tension over differing loyalties . The father’s narrative feels like erasure to the OP, who’s still processing his mother’s death.

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Dr. Doka suggests, “Honesty about the past fosters trust in relationships.” Here, the father could acknowledge the truth—his late wife’s dislike—while explaining his own feelings. This would validate the OP’s emotions without negating his choices. Instead, the father’s denial creates a rift, as seen in the OP’s public call-out. For the OP, setting boundaries, like limiting contact if the narrative persists, could protect his emotional space.

The broader issue is navigating grief in blended families. The OP might benefit from open dialogue, perhaps with a mediator, to express his hurt without escalation. Both sides need empathy—the father to honor his son’s loss, and the OP to accept his father’s right to move on. Communication, rooted in truth, is key to mending this fracture.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s the unfiltered take from the online crowd, buzzing with opinions as bold as a summer barbecue:

Justagirleatingcake − NTA - your Dad is attempting to gaslight everyone around him so he doesn't have to feel bad about his choice in partner. The other side of the situation is, he doesn't have to feel bad.

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He waited an appropriate amount of time after the loss of his first wife and then found love. It doesn't really matter who with. He does not require his late wife's approval or your approval. He's an adult, you're an adult and he has every right to he happy.

Maleficent_Ad_3958 − NTA. He can marry who he wants but he doesn't get to 1) fabricate the past, 2) demand you play along and 3) not face the consequences of lying so blatantly to the point he's seriously repulsing people.

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I'd respect him more if he had acknowledged the true history between the two women, admitted he liked his new wife despite this and stopped trying this frankly Orwellian crap. Frankly, I'd go very LC with the man because he's going to try to brainwash any future kids with his fantasy lala version.

oksccrlvr − 'It's not judgement, Dad. It's a fact. I'm happy your happy, but stop trying to make it something it's not.'. NTA.

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HistoricalInaccurate − NTA - He needed to be called out on his BS. He is straight up disrespectful to your mother and her memory and to you for forcing this false narrative on you as well.. He doesn’t get to say he doesn’t need your judgement when he is actively spreading lies.

jammy913 − NTA. What your dad did was crap all over his late wife by doing what he did. I recommend you keep this woman your mom hated that much far away from any kids you might have. I imagine you really respected and loved your mom or you wouldn't even care about the situation.

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So you can always honor her by making sure dad's new ladybird never has any access to any of your future kids. And when your dad questions it, just shrug and say this very gently to him (quietly and non-confrontational tone):

'Surely you didn't think you could get together with mom's mortal enemy and have no consequences as a result of that choice, right? You have already angered mom's family, and to be honest dad, that includes me. I can't choose who you have for a wife but I can choose whether or not I want them to be in my life.

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I wish this didn't hurt you in the same way I wish your choice in a partner didn't hurt me so much. I love you but I don't love your wife. If you insist on having her around all the time, we'll probably see each other a lot less. If you're able to come and see me without her around you,

then we can probably maintain a healthy relationship.' Expect him to blow his top no matter how nonconfrontationally you say it since it's gonna be hard for him to invalidate your words and feelings, even if he does attempt to.

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But just remind him 'Honoring mom is important to me, even if she's not alive to see it. I feel like I have to do it double since you have chosen not to do that.' Unless he can accept that you're never gonna be a fan of his new wife, I suspect you two will end up VLC.

PeteyPorkchops − NTA. Like what is his deal to seriously marry a woman who was mortal enemies with his late wife. Are we sure there wasn’t some infidelity going on and maybe that’s why the new wife was showing so much hostility towards late wife?

Ishoweduptoday − NTA. Your dad is so disrespectful to his late wife. I don’t understand why they were even in eachother’s lives after your mom’s death anyway. I know your dad couldn’t really help who he fell in love with, but it seems awfully suspicious she was even in his life anyway

[Reddit User] − NTA I understand wanting to move on but to blatantly lie like that knowing your mom died hating her is delusional and either the wife is trying to make it seem like that or your dad just wants to erase that past Honestly I’d go little to no contact with them this just seems like the beginning of a hell storm

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ikthatiknothing − NTA your dads trying to ease his own conscious by fabricating the past. Being with the person your mum hated is disrespectful and sounds like she would’ve hated this arrangement and deep down he knows that,

which is why he’s trying to cover it up. I actually think it’s quite disrespectful to your mum that he’s pretending she would’ve liked his new wife, when she made it extremely clear she didn’t.

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Dense_Homework2908 − Its kind of funny how your dad is trying to say your mom would've loved his new wife. The 1 person she EXPLICITLY stated that she loathed with every fiber of her being even going as far as to say she would haunt her. He knows it, you know it, your family knows it, s**t she probably knows it.. NTA

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, slamming the father’s revisionist tale as disrespectful, though some noted his right to find happiness. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the drama?

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This story cuts deep, revealing how grief and new love can spark family fireworks. The OP’s stand was a raw plea to honor his mother’s memory, while his father’s narrative seems like a bid to ease his own heart. Both are grappling with loss in their own way, but the truth remains a stubborn guest at this table. Navigating blended families is never easy, especially when the past looms large. What would you do if you found yourself caught in this tug-of-war between loyalty and letting go?

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