AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend’s vodka after smashing it?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A quiet Sunday in a cozy apartment took a sharp turn when a bottle of vodka hit the floor. For one woman, a recovering alcoholic, the sight of that bottle on her boyfriend’s counter wasn’t just a surprise—it felt like a betrayal. She’d savored his homemade pasta sauce for months, unaware it held a secret ingredient tied to her past struggles. The tension boiled over, leading to a shattered bottle and a strained relationship.

Now, she’s caught in a whirlwind of guilt, anger, and Reddit’s unfiltered opinions. Was her reaction a justified outburst or a step too far? This story dives into the messy intersection of personal boundaries, trust, and a pricey bottle of vodka, pulling readers into a relatable tale of love and limits.

‘AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend’s vodka after smashing it?’

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend Sean (25M) for about a year and a half. It's been great, but I let him know from the outset that I was a recovering alcoholic. He had no problem with that, and he still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. It still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, I can't tell him what to do.

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Fast forward to last Sunday, and we're at his apartment. I come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. I didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce. Pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship.

He said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but I think that would be something I would very much remember, and I got a little angry. I knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's.

He's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand. I told him that I wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years. We haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends, and I'm still refusing. AITA?

Edit: I didn't smash the bottle, I pushed it off the counter and it broke. I didn't throw it. Edit2: alright, I get it. I'm going to get him $80 worth of stuff to make up for it. But I really don't appreciate being called violent or abusive. I've never hit him once, and I think that's a pretty rash assumption.

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Relationships often trip over unspoken expectations, and this vodka-fueled fiasco is no exception. The woman’s distress is understandable—discovering an ingredient tied to her addiction in her favorite dish stings. But knocking the bottle off the counter? That’s where things get murky.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the boyfriend’s failure to clarify the vodka’s use eroded that trust, even if unintentionally. The woman, however, escalated the situation by destroying property, signaling a deeper communication gap. Both parties missed a chance to talk it out calmly.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating addiction in relationships. According to a 2023 study by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, about 29% of U.S. adults know someone in recovery, yet many lack awareness of triggers (NIAAA). The boyfriend’s casual use of vodka in cooking, assuming it “cooks off,” overlooks the emotional weight for a recovering alcoholic.

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For solutions, open dialogue is key. The woman could set clear boundaries—no alcohol in shared spaces—while the boyfriend could prioritize transparency. Couples therapy, as suggested by experts at Psychology Today, can help rebuild trust. Both need to approach this with empathy, not blame, to move forward.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, dishing out a mix of tough love and sharp wit. It’s like a virtual barbecue where everyone’s got a spicy take and no one’s shy about sharing. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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Ok-Asparagus-4809 − YTA. Adults use their mouths to communicate. “Hey I’m not comfortable with you cooking with alcohol and having alcohol in my presence at all. I thought you were aware of that and would like to respect my preference.”. You went “me no likey me go smash smash”.

Minute_Point_949 − YTA. There is no alcohol remaining in the food so he was not 'lacing your food'. Of course you can ask him not to make that dish in the future if it triggers you. Still, you destroyed someone else's property and you need to make restitution.

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LadyCass79 − YTA I understand how you feel about it, but breaking the bottle was an inappropriate action. You've obviously not been set back in your recovery by consuming a trace amount of alcohol in cooked food. If he really thought this was

OK, he wasn't being malicious. You can set this as a boundary going ahead if you make it through this conflict, but you were out of line to break the bottle. As a general rule, when loved ones upset us, breaking things, punching walls, or otherwise physically venting temper in destructive ways is not a good thing.

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JegHaderStatistik − INFO: So for the last 30 times hes made you the dish, youve never been in the kitchen?

greenseraphima − This reads like a person imagining how a recovering a**oholic would act like.. 'It still bothers you' that he drinks with his friends? Really? Stop it. YTA. No, you can't just knock over a bottle of alcohol in someone else's house and expect not to pay for it. And no, cooking with alcohol doesn't 'lace' your food with it. For a supposed 'recovering a**oholic', you know very little about the substance itself.

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Striking_Winter_9709 − YTA - You break it, you bought it.. Also for the 'lacing my food for years' comment. Settle down.

DogsAreTheBest36 − Kudos to you on being a recovering a**oholic. That takes a lot of strength and courage. But in this case, YTA although I understand your emotional response. Many people put vodka in pasta sauce -- it's called Tomato Vodka sauce. The alcohol does boil away. Whenever you cook with alcohol, unless you add it at the very end, it boils away.

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EDIT: several people have pointed out it doesn't all boil away. That's true. But we're literally talking about a tablespoon of vodka in the entire sauce, and much of it boils away. My point is NOT that you're wrong for wanting no alcohol at all in anything you eat. That's your right., It's that you're wrong for how you dealt with it.

You were wrong to break the bottle of vodka, whether it was a $20 or an $80 bottle. The cost isn't the point. The point is that it's his property, his intentions were good, and you destroyed it in a violent way. Destruction of property is actually on the road to an abusive relationship, so yeah, you need to apologize, and to pay for it.

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I get that being a recovering a**oholic is hard & you panicked when you saw that bottle, but you could've asked him not to put even boiled-out vodka in the sauce in the future. It sounds like he would've listened. If you requested him not to and he still did, then he'd be TA. But as it is, this was his own house, he was cooking something he thought was safe, and you reacted very inappropriately.

[Reddit User] − YTA BIG TIME - you do realize that there are recipes made with alcohol, and the alcohol goes away when its cooked. Rum cake for example cant get you drunk unless you pour rum AFTER baking it. Yes - you definitely need to pay for that. I can understand you being alcohol-recovering,

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but that does not give you the right to break a bottle for a reason like that. Thats like you going up to a stranger at a restaurant and breaking their margerita glass cuz you didnt want it in your presence. Also, that would be the same as you destroying a rum cake,

which is a very good cake because of the rum flavor that doesnt come from the alcohol itself EDIT - also your bf was following the recipe, you literally could have told him that you werent going to eat that to be safe, and kept it at that.

baseball_dad − I hope you never have any baked goods because extracts like vanilla extract are made with alcohol. I'm not saying he was in the right, but it's not like you never have food with alcohol in it.

ssj4majuub − YTA. hi! recovering a**oholic here. two years alcohol free. you're an adult. you know not to smash things when you're angry. you know that when you drop glass on the ground it breaks. you know that your recovery and your triggers are your responsibility.

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you know that your boyfriend, who respects you and cares for you, would not intentionally trigger you or cause a relapse. you haven't relapsed from the vodka sauce, so you know whatever amount he was using it wasn't enough to affect you.

i know it's hard. i can imagine that whirlwind of emotions, that feeling like all your progress didn't matter at all, like he'd stolen a year and a half sober from you and didn't give a s**t. but your progress **did** matter and your time sober was **not** stolen from you. i think if it were me, i would apologize.. edit: wording

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These Redditors rallied, some cheering the woman’s raw emotion, others roasting her for the bottle-smashing drama. But do their fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

This story of a shattered bottle and bruised feelings highlights how quickly trust can crack under pressure. The woman’s reaction was impulsive, but her pain was real; her boyfriend’s oversight wasn’t malicious, but it wasn’t harmless either. It’s a reminder that relationships thrive on clear communication, especially when personal struggles like addiction are in play. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going.

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