AITA for refusing to let my sister move in after her past hurt?

In a quiet moment, the phone buzzes, pulling a 26-year-old man into a tense family standoff. His father’s voice, earnest and pressing, pitches an unexpected idea: let his 30-year-old sister, fresh off a month of sobriety but shadowed by a decade of drug abuse and childhood cruelty, move in to rebuild her life. The man’s instinctive laugh and firm “absolutely not” escape before he realizes she’s listening on speaker, her hurt cutting through the line.

The sting of her reaction lingers, stirring guilt in a heart already scarred by her past words. Living 900 miles away, he’s carved out a life free from her chaos, yet family ties pull tight. This story unravels a raw clash of loyalty, boundaries, and the weight of second chances, inviting readers to weigh the cost of protecting one’s peace against a sibling’s redemption.

‘AITA For Refusing to Let My Sister Move In After Her Past Hurt?’

Family requests can feel like a tug-of-war, especially when they involve a sibling’s rocky road to recovery. The OP’s blunt refusal to house his sister, recently sober but with a history of drug abuse and emotional harm, reflects a need to protect his own mental space. His father’s plea, made worse by the speakerphone ambush, puts unfair pressure on him, ignoring the sister’s past behavior and the OP’s right to set boundaries.

This situation highlights the delicate balance of supporting a recovering addict. A 2024 National Institute on Drug Abuse report notes that 60% of individuals relapse within the first year of sobriety, underscoring the need for professional support over family reliance. The sister’s month of sobriety, while commendable, is fragile, and expecting the OP to take on her recovery burdens overlooks his own history of hurt from her actions.

Dr. Gabor Maté, an addiction expert, emphasizes, “Healing from addiction requires a supportive environment, but not at the expense of others’ well-being”. The OP’s hesitation is valid, given his sister’s past cruelty and the emotional toll it still takes. His father’s approach, bypassing open discussion and blindsiding him, dismisses his autonomy and risks enabling his sister’s dependency rather than fostering accountability.

To navigate this, the OP could maintain support—like his financial contributions—while keeping firm boundaries, such as not cohabitating. A candid talk with his father and sister, perhaps suggesting professional resources like sober living programs, could clarify his stance without guilt. Family therapy might help address past wounds and set mutual expectations.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users rallied behind the OP, affirming his right to refuse his sister’s move-in. They criticized his father for the speakerphone tactic and for shifting responsibility onto him, noting that his sister’s sobriety, while a milestone, doesn’t obligate him to upend his life. Many pointed out her history of harm and suggested professional help over family cohabitation.

The consensus was clear: the OP’s boundaries are valid, and his father’s approach was unfair. Commenters encouraged supporting his sister in other ways, like financial help or emotional encouragement, but stressed that his home and peace aren’t bargaining chips for her recovery.

This tale of family pressure and personal limits shines a light on the tough choices between helping a loved one and protecting oneself. The OP’s stand sparks a question: how do you support a sibling’s recovery without sacrificing your own peace? Share your thoughts below!