AITA for kicking my son out because he wouldn’t shut about how I ‘destroyed’ his life?

A suburban home hums with tension as a mother’s generosity sparks a fiery clash. At 56, she welcomed her 37-year-old son, Eric, to stay while his wife battled COVID on the frontlines. But her pride in steering him toward a medical career became his prison, igniting a bitter fight that ended with him out the door.

Reddit’s sharp-witted crowd dove in, slicing through the drama with blunt honesty. Their takes reveal a tangled story of love, control, and rebellion, pulling readers into a family saga that’s as messy as it is gripping.

‘AITA for kicking my son out because he wouldn’t shut about how I ‘destroyed’ his life?’

I(56F) invited my son, Eric (37M)to come live with me because his wife (41F)works shifts with coronavirus patients. I was happy to do it but he was ungrateful and irritable since the first day. A little background: I supported Eric on my own, I put my own education on hold and worked multiple jobs so I always tried to be a involved paretn.

He was gifted so I fought for him to be put into the best classes etc and when he graduated high school, I wanted him to become a doctor. There was no pressure involved, I only told him I would pay for him to go to medical school, but if he had a good alternative in mind, I would consider it. He didn't and so he went off to Med school, graduated and become a doctor and I was very proud.

The issue is that he doesnt see things the same way. Throughout the years, he's kept whining about how I forced him to be something he doesnt enjoy and always trying to paint me as the bad guy. Even though I let him live rent free, paid for extra stuff like therapy, ensured that he has no debt, things other people would kill for.

Even the facts contradict him; he has a very well paid job, friends, he met his current wife at school etc . Since the wife wasnt here, I decided to bring up some of the concerns I have about her (among other things she's tried to get him to cut me off before but despite her best efforts, I was able to save our relationship), and he lost it.

He started screaming and shouting some really vile abuse because apparently she wants to leave him. I tried to make him see the silver lining and convince him that he could do better than someone like that but he just flipped on me instead and started on his 'you're the reason my life sucks, i hate you etc etc' spiel, just generally acting like a child. I

wouldnt tolerate abuse like that in my own home, so I kicked him out and I thought i was completely within my rights to. I just got a phone call from my brother (Eric went there after he left the house) telling me that Ill be lucky if Eric ever speaks to me again. I told him that all I wanted was an apology and he could come stay here again, but he hung up and now I'm wondering if I did anything wrong. AITA?

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This family feud cuts deep, exposing raw nerves about control and autonomy. The mother’s push for her son’s medical career, while well-meaning, seems to have steamrolled his own aspirations. Eric’s resentment suggests a deeper wound—perhaps a lifelong sense of being molded rather than heard. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “When parents impose their vision without attuning to their child’s needs, it can breed resentment that lingers into adulthood” (Gottman Institute). This rings true here, as Eric’s outburst reflects years of feeling unheard.

The mother’s perspective, rooted in sacrifice, clashes with Eric’s need for agency. Her criticism of his wife during a vulnerable moment likely fueled his anger, as it dismisses his emotional reality. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found that 68% of adult children report strained parental relationships due to perceived control (APA). This broader issue of parental expectations versus individual choice underscores their conflict.

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Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes “emotional attunement”—listening without judgment. The mother could benefit from validating Eric’s feelings, even if she disagrees. Instead of doubling down, she might ask open-ended questions to understand his perspective. For Eric, expressing his frustrations calmly could pave the way for mutual respect. Both need to rebuild trust through honest dialogue, acknowledging past hurts without blame.

To move forward, the mother could offer a sincere apology for dismissing Eric’s feelings, inviting him to share his side. Eric, in turn, should articulate his needs without resorting to hostility. Small steps, like family mediation, could help them find common ground. This approach fosters healing while respecting their individual journeys.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crowd didn’t mince words, serving up a spicy mix of shade and insight. They rallied around Eric, calling out the mother’s controlling tendencies with a side of sarcasm. Here’s the raw scoop from the online peanut gallery:

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Im_A_Potato521 − YTA- you absolutely 100% sound like a narcissist. I’m not even giving you the judgment based on kicking him out. I have a lot of experiences with narcissists and everything about this language suggests you are one majorly. Get yourself help or continue to alienate your son. There’s no other option.

monkeybearUrie − YTA for clearly not telling the full story here. He and his wife wouldn't have these feelings if you hadn't given them reason to.

DaiZzedandConFuZed − YTA. What I’m reading here is all the financial things you threw at him. Yeah, he’s a doctor, but he apparently hates it. Sure, you gave him a choice, but it was “doctor or maybe.” You then tell him his wife sucks when he’s basically on the verge of divorce, at least partially because he refused to cut you off? Wow. You then kick him out because he's 'ungrateful.' Okay.

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There’s clearly a lot here you’re not talking about. This entire thing reads like someone who molded their child without any input from said child. Why would the wife want him to cut you off? Generally it takes a lot for someone to tell their significant other “hey, your mom? Maybe we should never talk with her again.” Edit: Reading your other comments, I wouldn't be surprised if his marriage is on the rocks specifically because of you.

moongirl12 − INFO: this doesn’t add up. What caused his wife to try and cut you off?

[Reddit User] − YTA, and it's weird how vague you are about what you said and did, yet crystal clear about every little facet of his life. And judging by your replies, the clearer it gets, the worse you clearly are in this situation.

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This is called 'minimizing' and it is what abusers of victims of abusers do to make it sound 'not so bad' or even 'innocent'. That's what this post is doing. Therapy can't undo s**t parenting, and giving your adult son an ultimatum when it comes to how he'll spend the rest of his life is s**t parenting. End of.

sqitten − YTA I think this account is seen through your very biased perspective. It sounds like you probably have low empathy and weren't very supportive throughout his childhood. You say you were open to him being other things, but you only encouraged him in one direction... when you should have been encouraging him to figure out what was best for him.

Then, when he talks about problems in his life, you tell him he shouldn't feel bad, instead of showing compassion for what he is going through. Finally, the fact that everyone who knows you thinks you're the bad guy means that it's highly likely you're missing huge pieces of this where you are acting badly. It really is very unlikely you're an innocent here and everyone who knows you think you have acted horribly to your son.

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I think you'd benefit a lot from trying to honestly listen to what people who have the information are saying you are doing wrong to see what you can change. There isn't enough info in your post to really know.But there are clearly things. It'd probably be a lot clearer if you included details of his you're the reason my life sucks speech.

BreakfastClubSamwich − 'I wanted him to go to medical school, and he hates me for forcing him into medical school, but I totally didn't pressure him.' 'His wife,not him, wants him to never talk to me again. I simply voiced some concerns, and now he never wants to talk to me again.'

Isn't it weird how you keep facing the consequences for s**t you 'totally didn't do?' Isn't it weird how everything he said that could make you look bad is just nondescript 'vile abuse?' Isn't it weird how your son, daughter in law, and brother are treating you like you're a massive a**hole? YTA

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Renderedspeechlezzzz − INFO: What qualifies as a 'good' alternative? Something he had a passion for or something that would make you feel good about yourself?

mnbvcxz1052 − ... Mom? Is that you?. Because YTA

iambrooketho − YTA. After reading the comments where you called his writing that he loved 'mediocre at best' you sound like an overbearing narcissist. Let the man finally love his life how he wants.

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These Redditors tore into the mother’s narrative, spotting red flags in her vague retelling and unwavering self-justification. Some cheered Eric’s stand, while others questioned her parenting style with biting humor. But do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?

This mother-son clash lays bare the messy intersection of love, control, and independence. The mother’s sacrifices, meant to uplift, became a weight Eric couldn’t bear, leading to a blowout that fractured their bond. Yet, their story hints at hope—if both can listen and forgive. It’s a reminder that family ties thrive on mutual respect, not just duty. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going.

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