AITA for canceling my daughter’s music classes?

In a quiet suburban home, a single mother wrestles with a heart-wrenching decision, her heart torn between discipline and her daughter’s fading spark. Madeline, a 15-year-old with a voice that could light up a room, battles leukemia while clinging to her love for music. Her mother, desperate to see her thrive in school despite grueling chemo, made a choice that dimmed her daughter’s melody. The silence in their home now echoes with tension, leaving readers to wonder: was this tough love or a misstep?

This story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling us into a delicate balance of parenting and compassion. As Madeline’s world shrinks to hospital visits and exhaustion, her mother’s decision to cancel her music lessons—her one true joy—ignites a firestorm of feelings. Can discipline outweigh passion when a child’s spirit hangs in the balance?

‘AITA for canceling my daughter’s music classes?’

I’m a single mom to one daughter, Madeline (15). She’s very musically inclined and is an amazing singer so when everything happened, I put her in piano lessons and voice lessons after school once a week to give her something to look forward to. Madeline has leukemia.

ADVERTISEMENT

She gets chemo every day for a week then has 3 weeks off. I understand she’s tired and probably can’t focus well because of the chemo but she’s fallen behind in all of her classes and hasn’t been keeping her room clean but she was always doing great in her voice lessons and piano classes.

I think if she tried half as hard in school as she does in voice and piano, she’d be great, so I called her teachers and told them I was canceling classes until further notice and I told them why. Madeline’s voice teacher asked me to reconsider and told me she thinks Madeline has a real chance at making it as a singer.

I told her that my decision is final until she catches up in school and can keep her room clean and hung up. When I told Madeline that her classes were canceled until she keeps her room clean and catch up in school she started crying and yelling at me that I’m taking away the only thing she has and that she hates me.

It’s been a month and I rarely hear Madeline singing or playing piano anymore and she stays in bed all day. She only speaks to me when it’s absolutely necessary and even then will only say a couple words. I bought her headphones for her birthday a couple weeks ago and she hasn’t touched them.

ADVERTISEMENT

They’re sitting in the sealed box in her room. I’m starting to feel bad about taking her lessons away but I just wanted her to try harder in school and to keep her room clean. That’s not too much to ask.. Was I the a**hole for taking away her lessons?

Edit: I realize I was the AH. Tomorrow morning I’m gonna call Madeline’s teachers and put her back in voice and piano lessons and we’re gonna schedule a meeting with her school counselor after her break to see how we can make school easier on her.

Edit 2: to those of you asking about her room, my parents were hoarders and our house was always cluttered and when I moved out I needed everything to be clean or I wouldn’t be able to function.

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit 3: Madeline is back in her music classes and we’re both starting individual therapy and family therapy soon. I’m also gonna try to have someone come once a week to clean so she won’t have to worry about any chores.

Parenting a child with a serious illness is like walking a tightrope—balancing care with expectations. Madeline’s mother, caught in this struggle, chose discipline over passion, hoping to steer her daughter toward academic stability. But was it the right call? The conflict pits a mother’s desire for structure against Madeline’s need for joy, with chemo’s toll muddying the waters. The mother’s focus on grades and cleanliness stems from her own past with hoarding, yet it overlooks Madeline’s emotional lifeline—music.

ADVERTISEMENT

This situation reflects a broader issue: how parents navigate chronically ill children’s needs. According to a 2020 study in Pediatrics, creative outlets like music can reduce stress and improve mental health in young patients (pediatrics.aappublications.org). Dr. Lisa Wong, a pediatrician and musician, notes, “Music can be a powerful tool for children facing illness, offering emotional resilience and a sense of control” (health.harvard.edu). Here, Madeline’s singing likely anchors her spirit, a factor her mother initially missed.

The mother’s choice, though well-intentioned, risks deepening Madeline’s isolation. Experts suggest balancing structure with emotional support. Solutions include flexible academic plans, like meeting with school counselors (as the mother later pursued), or therapy to address both their needs. Prioritizing Madeline’s happiness could rebuild trust, letting her music shine as a beacon of hope.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery and heartfelt takes on this mother’s tough call. Here’s what the community had to say:

anchovie_macncheese − YTA. This year is tough for many students, but on top of that your daughter is struggling with a serious illness. Your punishment should match the crime- taking away something she enjoys and practices doesn't do that. It's just a power move, not an actual punishment.

ADVERTISEMENT

Homer_04_13 − YTA. Chemo is hard on your body, and cancer is hard on your spirits. It's worse during a pandemic. Madeline has limited resources to spend doing the things in her life. She may not be able to do them all. She loves some of these things and not others.

And school, as important as it is, is a lot of work for a future that she has to wonder if she will ever see. Taking away what she loves is just making her life worse. And it is already pretty hard. Look after her spirit, nurture her hope, give her reasons to want to live. She can learn history and science later.

ADVERTISEMENT

MaddyKet − This can’t be real. No real parent would take away something that gave a seriously ill child joy. YTA

kiwibirb95324 − YTA. Oh my god, you are such an a**hole. If my kid had literal actual g**damn cancer and was getting chemotherapy, her grades would be the absolute LAST thing in this world I would be worried about. She had something that was making her HAPPY while doing CHEMO for her CANCER. And you took it away because her report card made you mad. What the f**k is wrong with you.

ADVERTISEMENT

FrnchsLwyr − **JFC YTA.** Assuming this isn't a troll post - because this is inhuman - you're telling me *as a parent* you thought it was the right call to take away the *only thing that gives your daughter, who has leukemia, joy* to encourage her to do better in school?.

Are you, by chance single by someone else's choice? If you did this, it's bordering on unforgiveable. A little girl who can't leave home during a *global pandemic because she might die* has been lax in keeping her room tidy? ***DID YOU ALSO DEMAND SHE NEVER USE WIRE HANGERS?

ADVERTISEMENT

You're not just an AH, you're cruel. Worse, you're cruel to a defenseless child who's dealing with a life-threatening illness and undergoing treatment that *also* makes her ill.. The more i think about this, the worse you look.

DazedandConfused8406 − Soooo . . . SHE IS ON CHEMO AND YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT HOW CLEAN HER ROOM IS?!?!? She is right, you did take away the one thing she loved. And for what? So you could feel like you are a responsible parent? Come on. She is clearly devastated. YTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

50MilesOfElbowRoom − Typing with clenched teeth here. YTA. Jesus, I'm furious.. Yes, it was too much to ask.. CHEMOTHERAPY AND A PANDEMIC ON TOP OF BEING FIFTEEN.. Your child is in my prayers. Ask her for forgiveness and reinstate the g**damn lessons.. They're probably her lifeline, her main joy.. This is not how you help your child.. sincerely, a music instructor

BreathoftheChild − YTA.. **Why the heck are you prioritizing your daughter's grades over her emotional well-being WHEN SHE HAS LEUKEMIA?**

JReynolds0201 − As a survivor and a musician, YTA. This stuff is really hard on the body. She needs something to enjoy. She can always redo her schoolwork, but she can’t get back time enjoyed in a music lesson.

robot428 − YTA - She could die and you care more about her grades than her happiness. People with cancer need to keep fighting and one way to help her do that is by letting her do the thing she loves. These grades won't even matter in 5 years.

ADVERTISEMENT

Honestly they may not even matter in 2 years. Music is clearly her talent anyway, she could end up getting a music scholarship to a collage or becoming a music teacher or playing in an orchestra or choir.. Stop making things harder for your sick kid.

These opinions are spicy, but do they capture the full nuance of parenting through a crisis?

ADVERTISEMENT

This story hits hard, showing how love can stumble into misunderstanding, especially under the weight of illness. Madeline’s mother learned a tough lesson about balancing discipline with joy, and her steps toward therapy and reinstating lessons signal hope. But it leaves us wondering: how do you support a child’s spirit when life feels so heavy? What would you do if you were in this mother’s shoes? Share your thoughts—let’s keep the conversation going.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *