AITA for calling my sister for treating her child better then me?

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A family dinner, warm with the glow of togetherness, turns icy when a 17-year-old unloads years of pent-up resentment. Their sister, once a stressed 19-year-old juggling three jobs to raise them, now showers her toddler with gentle love—a stark contrast to the harsh lectures of their childhood. The teen’s bold call-out, accusing her of unfair treatment, leaves her in tears and the family divided.

Reddit’s buzzing with opinions, and the drama’s as raw as an open wound. This tale dives into the messy layers of family sacrifice, lingering hurt, and the quest for understanding, pulling readers into a heartfelt clash of perspectives.

‘AITA for calling my sister for treating her child better then me?’

My sister taken my brothers and I in when we were just ( 4f 5m 6m) and she was only 19 at the time and did sacrifice alot for us including her boyfriend she been with since she was 12 who broke up with her when he found out that she'd be applying for custody of us because he wasn't ready to take on such a responsibility.

My sister at one point in time was working 3 jobs to even be able to provide for us, I never went without food or clothes or even toys. But the one thing I went without was growing up in a nurturing environment, my sister was always stressed and irritable, I also felt like she had resentment towards us at times for having to be stuck with us rather then pursuing her dreams.

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Like for example if we did something as small as spilling a glass of milk or breaking something she'd have an over reaction yell and lecture us about how hard she works to get it and how we need to stop being so careless even if it was just an accident.

My sister is now doing much better in life and no longer have to work and is happily married, she has a 2 year old and is pregnant with her 2nd,  I seen how she treats them and I can tell she loves them very much, I even watched her toddler spilled a glass a milk and she was so clam and loving about it, she even jumped on this new gentle parenting trend.

She wasn't like that with me so I called her out on it in front of my brothers and her husband I told her that it's unfair that I didn't get the gentle side of her rather I got the harsh and cold side of her when I (17) was just a child. She was shocked to hear me say that and started crying saying she did her best with what she had.

My brothers surprisingly stood up for her and told me that If she that bad then why am I still living with her and that she was amazing caretaker and took us when our own mother abandoned us so how could I be so selfish and accused her of any less.

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It got really contentious so my sister ended up excusing herself to her room but in the end my brother whom I'm really close too are angry with me.. So now I'm here wondering if I was wrong for calling my sister out.

Family dinners can unearth old wounds, and this teen’s outburst reveals a deep hurt. Their sister, thrust into parenthood at 19, was overwhelmed, her stress spilling into harsh reactions. Now, with stability and maturity, she parents her toddler with warmth, stirring the teen’s resentment. Both perspectives are valid: the teen craves the nurturing they missed, while the sister did her best under strain.

This reflects broader issues of family trauma. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found 62% of young adults raised by non-parental guardians report unresolved resentment (source). The sister’s growth shows resilience, but the teen’s pain lingers.

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Dr. Gabor Maté, a trauma expert, says, “Unprocessed pain from childhood can resurface when triggered by present disparities” (source). The teen’s call-out, though poorly timed, voices legitimate grief. Therapy could help them process this together. The teen should apologize for the public outburst but express their feelings privately.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s got a firestorm of takes, and they’re as varied as a family reunion. Here’s the scoop:

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Baileythenerd - YTA- Your sister. Dropped her **whole life** at *19* to take care of **THREE** kids?. I understand being upset at having a less than perfect childhood, but childhood doesn't magically stop at 18. She was *still a kid* when she was taking care of you three. No s**t she was stressed and having major difficulty!

And now you're looking at her, finally able to be an adult without the frantic panic and you *resent* her for *now having the support* to take care of her children the way she wants too?. OP, respectfully- you suck.

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ChiefTuk - Your stressed out, overworked, teenage sister wasn't the nurturing parent she's become as an adult, so you want her to treat her kids the same way?. Christ, YTA. You should be apologizing, thanking her for giving up so much for you & praising her for somehow becoming a wonderful mother.

mubi_merc - YTA. Let's recap: at 19, your sister took sole custodianship of her 3 siblings, a task that very few 19 year-olds would even be capable of, let alone willing to do. From your description, she basically killed herself making sure you all got by and apparently did well enough that you are all still around and that she was able to finally start focusing on herself and starting her own family after giving up all of her 20s for you.

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And you're calling her out for not being perfect at a huge responsibility that she never should have had to take on in the first place?. I hope this is fake because I'm absolutely disgusted by it.

The only excuse here is that you're still too young to fully understand the weight of this kind of responsibility. But think about it this way, in 2 years, would you be ready to fully care for 3 young children and provide for them while not being stressed out? If not, then go apologize.

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lordofloam - Man the experience you went through sucked. But you blaming your sister for not being able to be a proper parent at 19 when she was not prepared to handle three children is a bit entitled. You did deserve a happy family environment. You got what she was capable of giving. You're 17. Imagine doing what she had to do right now.

Three children, and sacrificing her relationship and youth to make sure you weren't indigent. Be a bit more gracious to her. It's okay to talk about how it sucked, and you're not wrong for having issues or trauma as a result of that, but putting it on your sister is unfair.. YTA

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Apprehensive_Gene787 - I’m going to go against the grain and say NAH, and here’s why: You and all your siblings went through a trauma. Your trauma was being separated from your parents, missing out on the nurturing, loving home every child deserves.

Obviously your bio parents couldn’t give that to you, (speaking as someone who was a foster parent) our foster system is so entirely fucked that it was very unlikely the three of you would have been placed in a loving, nurturing, foster/adopt home together.

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Hell, even being individually placed might not have given you and your siblings that - even with all safeguards in place, abuse in foster homes is rampant. You are (rightfully) pining for something you SHOULD have had, as all children SHOULD have, if we lived in a fair world.

You then see your sister giving to her children what you SHOULD have had, and it’s understandable that fills you with rage. It’s not fair that you didn’t get what she is only now able to give. At 17, it’s hard to imagine yourself in two years taking on what your sister did - three young children entirely dependent on you, working three jobs, giving up dreams and relationships.

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Working three jobs alone is exhausting, let alone coming home and taking care of three little ones after, let alone when you are still at an age where your frontal lobe (the thing in your brain that helps control emotions and judgements) won’t fully develop for another five years.

Your sister was exhausted, trying to keep it all together, and physiologically not at a point where rational thoughts and emotions were fully developed. Imagine the most exhausting day you’ve ever had, where you slog through the day just dreaming about getting in bed, where you struggle to keep your eyes open, where everything in your body hurts,

and coming in to a spilled glass of milk when all you want is to escape. That was likely your sisters every day. Was it fair that she couldn’t keep her emotions in check? No, but I say that it wasn’t fair to you OR her. Now, your sister is fully developed brain wise.

She has a partner who (hopefully) takes on parenting duties as well, someone who she can lean on to be able take over when she needs to escape and rest.  She doesn’t work three jobs so she has more energy, and is able to think rationally when the unexpected (spilled glass of milk) happens.

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She is not consistently exhausted, and is able to actually think through her emotions and actions. I think you do owe your sister and apology, but I’m going to stick with my judgement, because I agree it wasn’t fair to you (but it also wasn’t fair to her). I think it would be worth going to therapy to work though this, both solo and with your sister.

names-suck - I'd actually go with NAH. Your sister did an amazing thing imperfectly. She stepped up to care for you, and she did the best she could at the time. She was stressed, struggling to afford life, probably sleep deprived, grieving her relationship and dreams, if not her parents (what happened to dad? what does 'mom abandoned us' mean? etc), and overall probably in a pretty terrible place, mentally.

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She genuinely tried to do the right thing, and she did the best she could. Now, she has 13 years of experience, financial stability, and a co-parent. Her situation has changed drastically, and that allows her to put her best foot forward in a way that she simply couldn't, when you were younger.

Your resentment is 100% fair, but also, 99% misplaced. You absolutely did deserve to be raised with the same level of warmth, care, and patience that you now see her giving to her kid. That's true. You're not wrong to be upset that you didn't get it. It's just that she would've had to be literally superhuman to make that happen for you, in the situation she was in at the time..

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Then again, it's not like you were responsible for that situation.. Then again, it's not like *she* was responsible for it, either. You don't mention what happened to your dad, but your mom abandoned *both of you*. Your sister did her best to pick up the pieces, so you could have *something*, but she wasn't able to give you *everything* you should've had.

That's not your sister's fault: It's your mother's fault, for putting both of you in that situation.. Be angry at the right person. I could argue Y T A on the grounds that you got angry at the wrong person, but then I'd be committing the same error. You're 17, and your role model for emotional control and communication was a stressed-out 19yo who criticized you for making mistakes.

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Where would you have learned to do better? I think you'd all benefit from some time in therapy. Perhaps you could apologize to your sister for snapping at her, then bring up the idea. Like, I'm guessing this isn't going to be the only thing that ever comes up for you guys, because you've had such a stressful start. A therapist can help you navigate that as a family, instead of it devolving into fights and hurt feelings.

[Reddit User] - Are you for real?

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WaywardPrincess1025 - YTA. Your sister is a saint. And you are absolutely TA.

HollasForADollas - For calling her out, yes YTA.You aren’t an AH for being hurt that you never got to grow up in a loving environment. That is a legitimate and painful loss to live with. These two things can simultaneously be true - you deserved better as a child but also that your sister isn’t an AH for not being able to provide that.

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West-Highway1840 - I'm sorry for your childhood troubles, but YTA here. You are holding a 19 year old to a full grown adults standards. It sounds like she did the absolute best she could at the time, and being only 19, she probably still had a lot of growing up to do. It's unfair for you to hold this against her.

Talk about a dinner that served up more than just food! Reddit’s split—some see the teen’s pain, others champion the sister’s sacrifices. Is the teen ungrateful, or is their hurt justified? This family’s story is a tangled knot of love and resentment.

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Family bonds are like old quilts—beautiful but frayed in places. The teen’s confrontation exposed raw feelings, but their sister’s tears show her own struggles. Was the call-out fair, or did it miss the mark? How would you handle lingering childhood resentment in your family? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unravel this together!

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