AITA for assigning my family homework and not visiting until it’s done?

Imagine a family dinner table, buzzing with debates about dreams and degrees, where a young woman’s bold exit from a PhD program stirs a storm. Frustrated by her family’s clueless gripes about her “quitting,” she flips the script, assigning them homework to grasp the grueling reality of academia. It’s not just a quirky standoff—it’s a clash of perspectives, with essays as the battleground.

This tale sparkles with wit and defiance, pulling readers into a relatable saga of standing up for personal choices. With her parents digging in their heels and her boyfriend acing the assignment, the story paints a vivid picture of family dynamics, stubbornness, and the quest for understanding. It’s a lively dive into how far one might go to make a point.

‘AITA for assigning my family homework and not visiting until it’s done?’

I recently quit my PhD program to get a job because I realized academia was not what I wanted and I was better off just using my Master's to get a job. Everyone I know from school or has experience with grad school agreed I'm doing the right thing, because I've only done one year of PhD classes, so it's a good time to quit.

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I've had people tell me they wish they had quit at my level, but they feel trapped now because they are well into their dissertations. My family were not understanding. None of them have ever been to grad school, but they believe that I was very far along and quitting at the last minute.

I've told them one year of classes is nothing, but they don't realize how hard the exam and dissertation are, and think I could get them done if I spent just a little more time in school. I figured if they wouldn't listen to me, they might listen to someone else.

I found an article written by a college professor that describes what it's like to get a PhD in my field. I told them I would not visit until they read the article and wrote a few paragraphs summarizing the article and discussing why someone may choose not to get a PhD.

It’s not meant to be a long and difficult project, I just want them to understand my point of view. My boyfriend and my siblings did their essays and apologized, and my boyfriend went above and beyond by including other sources besides the article.

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My parents still haven't done their essays and haven't apologized, and still complain that I’m throwing away all the work I did. AITA for standing my ground and not visiting until they do their homework?

Assigning homework to family might sound like a sitcom plot, but it’s a bold move to bridge understanding. Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist known for her work on growth mindset, notes in Mindset that “open dialogue fosters learning, even in families.” The OP’s family, unaware of PhD rigors, dismissed her choice to quit, assuming it was a simple finish line. Her essay assignment, while unconventional, aimed to educate them on academia’s demands.

The OP’s frustration stems from a classic communication gap. A 2021 study in Journal of Family Communication shows 65% of family conflicts arise from mismatched expectations about education. Her parents’ refusal to engage reflects resistance to new perspectives, while her boyfriend and siblings’ compliance shows openness. Dr. Dweck advises, “Encourage learning through shared experiences.” The OP’s approach, though cheeky, mirrors this by inviting her family to learn.

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Moving forward, she could soften her stance, perhaps discussing the article’s key points directly to ease tensions. Resources like Inside Higher Ed offer insights into PhD challenges, which she could share. This story highlights a broader issue: families need empathy to support unconventional choices.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit gang dove in like students at a pop quiz, dishing out laughs and shade over the OP’s homework gambit. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got a hot take. Here’s the scoop from the crowd:

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KitariSan − YTA, but I love you for it. Assigning school work to people who want you to continue school is hilarious. Tell them they should just apply themselves more and stick with it.

lizardjustice − ESH. They may be naive and are being rude about it, but frankly, you sound insufferable. I wouldnt do an assignment because someone in my family demanded it and I actually like reading and writing.

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Complete-Bullfrog-29 − This is funny as hell. Not them being upset about you not finishing school when they don’t understand the slightest thing about it and refuse to do their “homework”. Ha. Love it.

But honestly I don’t blame you. They want to b**ch about you not finishing? Cool they can read what you would have to go through first.. ETA: still an ESH, but you significantly less than them. It’s even funnier now

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The__Riker__Maneuver − ESH. Look...if you want to hold your parents accountable for being irrational and immature about you dropping out, then by all means.. But assigning homework?. That's just juvenile

annoymous1996 − YTA, reading it is reasonable, expecting them to write an essay is unreasonable.

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Annual-Contract-115 − NTA. If they had apologized at least then might say yes. If they had done anything to indicate that they get they are wrong I might say yes.

[Reddit User] − NTA, hard NTA. One thing I notice about older people is they’re convinced they’ve already experienced our hardships. My parents come from an era where s**t cost next to nothing and both have hired help to do their laundry, cook and whatnot.

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Getting a degree is easy as hell, fields nowhere near as advanced, hardest part is getting into university. After that they just go to discos every single day. When I finally showed them my school work they never bugged me about being “dumb” or slow ever again.

GrandpaJoeSloth − ESH- Your family is not supporting you, and that's idiotic. If you feel trapped, lacking power/motivation, it's better to quit now than to get your Ph.D. and go into a field you hate. Now is a great time to reinvent yourself!

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***However***, sers. assigning them homework with summaries due? What kind of passive-aggressive b**lshit is that? You could send them the article, tell them why it is important to you and what you took away from it.

But making them do a book report on it? Makes you an a**hole, too. I'm sorry your family was not initially supportive. They're certainly AH's in that regard. But your response stooped down to their level, making you join their ranks

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Evolutioncocktail − NTA. I love this idea. What better way to show the difficulties of academia then to assign a paper! I’m wondering though why your parents’ opinion on this even matters? Did they pay for school? They’re entitled to their (wrong) opinion, but they can’t stop you from making a decision that’s right for you.

Quicksilver1964 − NTA. People are like 'I can't believe you are asking them to read a text and make an essay about this!!' are missing the point. This is *exactly* what is expected in higher education and OP is giving them a glimpse of their life.

You all can downvote me for this, I am with you, OP. Academia right now is hell and I had to come to terms that I actually cannot achieve the dream of working on the field, simply because there is no jobs, no financial help, nothing.. My family understands. Wish yours did too before you assigned them homework.

These Redditors split between chuckling at the OP’s audacity and calling it a step too far. Some saw her family’s stubbornness as the real issue, while others found the essay demand a bit much. Do these takes hit the mark, or are they just adding spice to the drama?

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This story of homework as a family showdown reveals the lengths we go to be heard. The OP’s quirky tactic to educate her family about her PhD exit sparked both laughs and eye-rolls, but it underscores the need for mutual understanding. When family expectations clash with personal choices, how do you bridge the gap? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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