AITA for telling my stepmom I don’t like it when she calls me her daughter?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy therapy room, where emotions swirl like leaves in a storm, a 16-year-old girl dropped a truth bomb that shook her blended family’s fragile harmony. For a decade, her dad and stepmom dreamed of a seamless family unit, but the kids? They’re just not feeling the Brady Bunch vibe. When the therapist prompted honesty, the girl admitted she cringes when her stepmom calls her “daughter,” setting off a firestorm of hurt feelings and accusations.

This Reddit saga dives into the messy heart of blended families, where love, labels, and boundaries collide. Readers are pulled into a tale of a teen asserting her identity while navigating her stepmom’s wounded expectations. It’s a relatable tug-of-war between personal comfort and familial hopes, leaving us wondering: can honesty in therapy ever be too harsh?

‘AITA for telling my stepmom I don’t like it when she calls me her daughter?’

So my dad has him, stepmom, her daughter (14f) and me (16f) in family therapy. We started going after almost 10 years of them being married because this is not the family they wanted. They wanted the stepkids to accept the stepparents as like equal parent and they hoped it would all blend so well we would be like a nuclear family vs a blended one.

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But that has not happened. Her daughter has an active and involved dad. While I just never wanted to call another woman my mom. And so we're in therapy because it is very much like we're roommates instead of one family and that's not an issue for us, the kids, except maybe the siblings we share, but my dad and stepmom hate it.

So the therapist asked us to say something we didn't like that each person does and while we were doing it I said I hate it when my stepmom calls me her daughter because it makes me uncomfortable. T

his led to being asked why and I said because I didn't think of her as my mom and it felt like I was being pushed to reciprocate the feeling. This has been an issue ever since. The same with her daughter saying she hates when my dad tries to spend time with her because she already has a dad. Her mom had a huge issue with her saying that.

But yeah, apparently what I said was really mean and hurt her feelings and I'm trying to dictate what she says when I say something like that in therapy which is toxic and abusive.. So I don't know. Trying to find out what others think.. AITA?

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Blended families are like jigsaw puzzles with pieces from different boxes—fitting them together takes patience and finesse. The Redditor’s discomfort with being called “daughter” reflects a common struggle in stepfamilies: balancing personal boundaries with emotional expectations. Her stepmom’s hurt is understandable, but labeling the teen’s honesty as toxic in therapy? That’s a misstep that stifles open dialogue.

This scenario highlights a broader issue: stepparents often face pressure to forge parental bonds, yet kids may resist. A 2021 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 40% of stepchildren resist stepparental titles due to loyalty to biological parents. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Forcing familial labels can alienate stepchildren, slowing trust-building.” The stepmom’s push for a “daughter” label may have backfired, creating distance.

The Redditor’s honesty was brave and necessary for therapy’s progress. Advice? She should clarify her feelings calmly, emphasizing respect but firmness in her boundaries. Stepmom should listen without taking it personally, focusing on organic connection over forced titles.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit squad rolled in like a lively family reunion, serving up support with a dash of sass. From cheering the teen’s honesty to side-eyeing the stepmom’s overreaction, the comments were a colorful mix of empathy and wit. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, buzzing with takes hotter than a summer barbecue:

mrsagc90 − NTA. She’s not your mom and you’re allowed to feel how you feel about it. Therapy is one place where you’re supposed to be able to freely express yourself, and it’s pretty a**hole-ish of them to try to make you feel bad about it.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your feelings are entirely valid in this case. Just because some people might react differently and just because your father and step-mother want things to be different, doesn’t make your feelings wrong or even extreme.

It is also of concern that you are being judged for something said honestly in a therapeutic context. But that takes me to the key point: I think this belongs in therapy and not in the hands of Reddit strangers. Can you raise this in your next therapy session?

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no_objections_here − NTA, but I would be gentle with your stepmother as well. If you are 16 and your parents have been married for over 10 years, it's likely that she loves you like a daughter, and is just hurt that you dont feel the same way.

She likely is feeling rejected, and is lashing out immaturely.  Not right, but not malicious, either. I think that, if you do care for her, but just feel uncomfortable with the label, try your best to explain that to her.

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It might help if you reassured her that you loved her and that relationships dont always have to fit into predefined societal roles to be valued. This could be a very defining moment for your relationship. It could bring you much closer or much farther apart.. Of course, maybe you dont have a loving relationship at all. I dont know.

ObsecureAccount − NTA. When you go back to therapy bring up the pressure of your step mom’s hurt feelings up. That is what therapy is for. Say you are being made to feel like you AH when you did what the therapist asked and were being honest (which is needed for therapy to work).

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aguafiestas − NAH.. You're allowed to have your feelings and this sounds like an appropriate venue to express them. But she's been your stepmother since you were little. I'm not surprised they wish their family was closer, and I'm not surprised she's hurt by what you said.

Clare_Not_A_Bear − NTA and this is pretty established in these parts. Step parents who try and force their kids into a level of a relationship that they just aren't ready for/attempt to usurp the position of a beloved parent who is either parenting them part time or passed on is T A. İronically, there have been a few stories of stepsibilings who bonded over mutual h**red of how their step/parents tried to enforce relationships

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Darthkhydaeus − I am always so confused by these step family stories. The OP is obviously NTA because her feelings are perfectly valid. However, I hear all the time on here and other places that biology is not important and as a step parent you should love the partners kids like you do your own.

If my math is correct, the step mother has been in the daughters life since at least 6 probably 5 because they would have been introduced prior to getting married etc. If the step parent has done what everyone says a good step parent should do i.e treat this child as her own, would it not be reasonable for her to think of her the same way as her own child having been in her life for over a decade?

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I just feel like as a step parent you can never win in these situations. You can literally do everything society says and could still be left in a situation where a child you have helped raise from a toddler treats you like a complete stranger because you are not there 'real' parent.

At the same time if you recognise this fact and try to act accordingly you can still be accused of not treating the step kid the same as your own child. It must be so confusing for these people who are genuinely trying to be good step parents but are caught in a situation where they are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

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CinnyToastie − NAH. Blended families are so hard on everyone, noone feels it's simple. There are always hurt feelings, feeling inadequate, secret thoughts of dislike or resentment. She was likely hoping to endear you to her, and it backfired.

Same with your dad and step sister. The point is that they're really trying, and so many kids would be thrilled about being that important to their step parent..prob the same amount of kids that wish the step would back off. Here is no easy way. Give them a break, and they should give you a break. You can't force it. Hang in there.

DarthWaffle32 − I'll have to go nta BUT you would of been 6 when she was married to your dad so she probably thinks of you as her daughter and loves you like one so she was probably really hurt when you said that.

[Reddit User] − Please select your issue from the following to claim your NTA: ___1) I refused to switch seats with a woman separated from her kids on a [bus / train / plane / boat / zeppelin / spaceship / subway / monorail / ski lift].

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_X _ 2) I won’t call my stepmom “mom” and she has been attempting to force it on me since [ the day I met her / my dad got her pregnant / she married my dad / my mom died / we entered witness protection / she gave me her kidney].

___3) I built a fence around a former neighborhood [common area / soccer field / tree house / play ground / labyrinth / hiking trail / community garden / fortified castle / tire swing] that was on my property.

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These Redditors backed the teen’s right to set boundaries, with some nodding to the stepmom’s hurt but urging her to chill. Others flagged the therapy backlash as a red flag. But do these spicy opinions capture the full story, or are they just stirring the pot?

This tale of therapy truths and family friction shows how tricky blended dynamics can be. The Redditor stood her ground, prioritizing her comfort over a forced label, while her stepmom’s hurt reveals the delicate dance of stepparenting. Honesty in therapy should be a safe space, not a battleground. What’s your take on this family tug-of-war? Have you navigated similar stepfamily struggles? Share your stories and thoughts below. What would you do in this teen’s shoes?

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