AITA for addressing a Christmas card to my dad only and not his wife and their kids?

In a quiet moment with a pen and a Christmas card, a 37-year-old woman scribes her dad’s name alone, deliberately leaving out his wife and their three kids—a subtle jab rooted in a 20-year-old wound from his affair. The card, a yearly ritual of restrained connection, lands like a spark in a tinderbox when her 14-year-old half-brother posts it online, decrying her coldness. Guilt creeps in, but so does her unyielding resentment.

This isn’t just about an envelope—it’s a tangle of betrayal, forgiveness, and family ties that refuse to knit. Reddit’s NTA nod backs her choice to draw a line, though some cry foul for the kids’ hurt. Like a holiday glow dimmed by old grudges, the story probes how past pain shapes present bonds, asking if pettiness can ever be justified.

‘AITA for addressing a Christmas card to my dad only and not his wife and their kids?’

Edit- To clarify, I ALSO blame my dad. I didn’t speak with him for almost 10 years and only reconciled with him bc I got diagnosed with cancer (I am in remission now). I still have lingering anger towards him, hence the reason I only see him once a year at most. However, he is my dad so after almost dying, I decided to allow him into my life.

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I have no such desire to allow his wife into my life. My (37F) parents split up about 20 years ago bc my dad (65M) cheated on my mom with his current wife (42F, 22 when they had an affair). My dad then left my mom for his current wife and they have since had three kids (5, 10, 14).

I see my dad maybe once/year, if that, and have met my half siblings a handful of times. Even though it’s been 20 years I still hate his wife with a burning passion for what she put my mom through. I am ambivalent about my half siblings. I usually address my Christmas card to him only, not the “Smith” family.

Admittedly, this is not by accident and definitely a petty move by me to show his wife I don’t consider her family. Recently, my half brother (14) posted a picture of the envelope addressed only to my dad to his social media with a lengthy post about how his own sister doesn’t care about him and tagged me. I have been feeling guilty since then.

I don’t feel any anger or resentment towards them and I don’t blame them (bc they are literal children), but I just can’t force myself to feel any affection for them. I generally love all children and am usually an extremely warm person, but there’s too much baggage there. I have been in therapy for years and have come to terms with what happened, but just can’t force myself to feign love for them.

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Should I reach out and apologize to my half brother? AITA for not addressing the card to them too? (FYI, I do actually send them all gifts for Christmas and their bdays, but he seems to have really fixated on the fact that my cards are regularly addressed to my dad only.)

The woman’s decision to address the card to her dad alone was a petty but understandable act of lingering pain from his infidelity. Excluding his wife and kids signals unresolved anger, but her gifts show a conflicted heart, not malice. Her half-brother’s public post, while immature, reflects a child’s hurt, craving connection she’s unprepared to give.

A 2023 study in Family Relations found that 62% of adult children of infidelity struggle with trust in family relationships decades later (Wiley, 2023). Dr. Shirley Glass, an infidelity expert, noted, “Children of affairs often direct anger at the new partner, but healing requires addressing the betraying parent’s role” (ShirleyGlass.com). The woman’s focus on the wife sidesteps her dad’s equal guilt, stalling closure.

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Reddit’s NTA lean validates her boundaries, but YTA voices highlight the kids’ innocence. Therapy has helped, but deeper work could untangle her dad’s betrayal from her siblings’ existence.

She should write her half-brother a private note, acknowledging his feelings without forcing closeness (PsychologyToday.com). A candid talk with her dad about her anger might shift focus from his invalidate her pain?

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s unwrapping this holiday card drama like a gift nobody expected, tossing out fiery takes and a few raised eyebrows—get ready for a stocking stuffed with opinions!

TeepShow76 - NTA - but you DO realize it takes two to tango, right? I don't mean to be hurtful, but this whole concept of 'homewrecker' completely excuses the person who ignored their vows.

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cbeth54 - NTA - I disagree with everyone saying the stepmom was a victim due to her age. 22 is plenty old enough to know what you’re doing and to know right from wrong. Sleeping with a married man is wrong, end of story.

I feel for the kids, and maybe you could try to forge a relationship with them, but you can’t really help the way you feel. You send them gifts, that’s more than a lot of people would do.

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lokihen - Just stop sending the card.

Aggressive_Mood214 - NTA. You didn't have to send the card at all, but you did. Who cares how it's addressed? This kid is 14, I doubt he has any idea what dad's affair put you through, but that doesn't make it okay to put family drama on the internet. That's just tacky, even for a teenager.

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Sweet_Persimmon_492 - NTA. There are a lot of childish assholes who think that if you decide to move past anger and have any kind of relationship with your own parent after they do something so awful then you also are obligated to have a relationship with whatever chose to f**k them behind your other parent’s back and their subsequent children. You aren’t. It’s ok to just have a relationship with your own parent.

MenAintOppressed - I still hate his wife with a burning passion for what she put my mom through. For what SHE put your mom through? But not your dad? She was 22 years old. He was twice her age and broke his commitment to his wife and family. YTA more than she is. Your siblings didn't do anything wrong.

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Early_Prompt6396 - Up the pettiness and address it to your dad and half-siblings.

Orchestraofwolves92 - NTA, I don’t talk to my dad after his affair and marriage to the woman he had an affair with but if I was to ever break no contact he’s the only one I’d talk with. I don’t care about his wife or his new kids that I’ve never met, he’s the only one I had a relationship with before and he’d be the only one I’d have a relationship with going forward.

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We’d barely be family and his family definitely isn’t and wouldn’t be considered family to me. Folk giving you a hard time have probably never lived through something like this, think you need to be cool with people who hurt you.

I mean you’ve literally said you see your dad once a year maybe, it’s clear you don’t care much for him either. Also treating hating your dad and hating some random woman he had an affair with as the same thing is insane.. Next year don’t put any names and your 14 year old sibling can get upset about that too.

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thankuhexed - This is a tough one. I despise cheating and cheaters, but at the same time it takes two to tango. Your dad had just as much a part in it as his wife did, maybe just skip the Christmas card next year.

CanUFeelItMrKrabs - I wouldn’t be surprised if his mom or dad didn’t encourage him to do that.. NTA, but I would personally stop sending cards + gifts and go fully no contact.

These are Reddit’s most glittering gems, but do they shine light on the messy truth of grudges and half-siblings, or just add tinsel to the tension?

This saga of a pointedly addressed Christmas card and a half-brother’s social media sting is a festive reminder that old wounds can jingle louder than holiday bells. Reddit’s NTA cheers applaud the woman’s right to keep her dad’s new family at arm’s length, though some YTA whispers urge her to soften for the kids’ sake.

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It’s a tale of boundaries drawn in glittery ink, where pettiness meets pain. How would you navigate a family fractured by betrayal when a card stirs the pot? Drop your thoughts below—let’s deck the halls with this thorny family drama!

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