AITA For “shaming” my sister for offering to breastfeed my baby?

Imagine a lively family barbecue, the air thick with laughter and the clink of lemonade glasses, when a casual gripe about mom life spirals into a full-blown family spat. A mother, tethered to her breastfeeding routine, vents about missing girls’ nights out, only for her sister to swoop in with an offer that raises eyebrows: nursing her baby to free her up. What starts as a well-meaning gesture ends in hurt feelings and a swift exit, leaving everyone wondering where things went wrong.

This Reddit tale captures the messy clash of personal boundaries and cultural differences. The original poster (OP), caught off guard by her sister’s wet nursing suggestion, didn’t hold back her discomfort, sparking tension. It’s a story that pulls you in, evoking both sympathy for the OP’s bind and curiosity about the sister’s unconventional approach.

‘AITA For “shaming” my sister for offering to breastfeed my baby?’

So, I'll get straight to it. I have an eight month old and a two year old. My sister has a three month old, a two year old and a four year old. Her best friend has a three year old and a newborn (I dont know exactly how old the baby is). All three of us breastfeed.

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The difference is, my sister extended breastfeed. All three of her kids are still feeding, and her friends are still feeding also. I weaned my oldest at a year and I plan to do the same with my younger one. They also wet nurse for each other (is that the correct terminology?) so one of them will have all the kids and feed them while the other goes partying or something.

Their older kids dont really care who they get their milk from, and even if they are together they sometimes wont feed from their own moms. Anyway, we were all at a family get together and I was complaining about not being able to go out with my friends because I'm still breastfeeding.

I made a joke about switching my baby to formula so she could stay with our parents. Older sister (mom of seven) agreed and said she'd have the baby if I wanted. My other sister stepped in and said that she'd have the baby, and could nurse her so I dont have to switch her.

I guess I looked a little grossed out because then she added that she could also feed her pumped b**ast milk instead. I declined, and kept talking to my other sister about formulas. I am genuinely thinking about switching my daughter over, so it wasnt intended to make my sister uncomfortable.

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After a while she came back over and added, 'You can just say no or that it weirds you out, you dont have to try and make me uncomfortable,' To which I replied, and here is where I may be an a**hole, 'Yeah, it fuckin weirds me out. Its creepy and I dont like it. But you do you, I wasnt aiming anything I said in your direction.'

She got kind of stiff and her and her friends packed up their kids and left, her friend giving me the stink eye. My parents approached me later saying how I was rude and disrespectful, and that there was no need to shame her, and needed to apologise for upsetting her.

I disagreed, I basically told her what she wanted to hear. I dont think I shamed her at all; just not my preference. I now realise I was harsher than needed, but I'm still not sure if I'm the one in the wrong. I was just telling the truth. But she's not talking to me, or our parents, so I come to you. Am I the a**hole?

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Edit; I guess I left out some info. After the initial thing of her coming over and offering, I shook my head no and thanked her for the offer. Which is why I was snarky. I'd already said no, amd she brought it up again.

This family flare-up over a breastfeeding offer is less about milk and more about clashing values. The OP’s blunt rejection, laced with words like “creepy,” turned a personal choice into a public jab. Let’s break it down.

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The OP’s discomfort with wet nursing is valid—personal boundaries around parenting are sacred. Yet her sister’s offer wasn’t malicious; it’s rooted in a practice common in many cultures. A 2019 article in The Lancet notes that wet nursing, historically widespread, remains prevalent in some communities, boosting infant immunity through shared milk. The OP’s reaction, though honest, escalated unnecessarily, framing her sister’s choice as “weird.”

Dr. Amy Tuteur, an obstetrician and author, writes in a 2021 Skeptical OB post , “Breastfeeding practices vary widely, and judgment often stems from cultural bias rather than science.” Here, the OP’s visceral response reflects modern Western norms, where wet nursing feels foreign. Her sister, embracing extended breastfeeding, likely saw it as a practical favor. Both sides have merit, but the OP’s harsh words turned a discussion into a showdown.

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The broader issue? Society’s squeamishness about breastfeeding diversity. The OP could’ve declined politely, preserving harmony. Advice: acknowledge cultural differences, communicate boundaries calmly, and avoid public shaming. For the sister, respecting the initial “no” could’ve prevented the clash. Both could rebuild trust by discussing intentions openly.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit squad dove into this family drama with gusto, dishing out a mix of support and shade. From calling out the OP’s harshness to defending her right to say no, the comments were a lively barbecue of opinions. Here’s the raw scoop:

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[Reddit User] − YTA. Don't pretend you're not trying to shame her when you call her creepy. It's easy enough to just decline her offer without calling her names.

StrongerThanYouKnow5 − YTA. She asked. She didn’t force. She didn’t do anything. And your discomfort is likely based on being raised in modern society. Historically, this was common and it’s not gross. It’s actually good for your baby’s immune system. And she was offering you a valid solution.

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000ero − YTA, it’s very common especially in non-western places to wet nurse the other kids in your neighbourhood/circle (with the consent of their parents). That’s what they did before formula. Calling it creepy was incredibly rude especially bc it kind of implies that you’re sexualizing the act of nursing another persons child?

The_final_frontier_ − YTA I think. Your sister offered and you’re well within your rights to not be comfortable with it and saying no. But I don’t see why you felt the need to tell her it was gross or why you think it’s disgusting.

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Wet nurses are common in many cultures, and many parents avail the services of wet nurses if they want their baby to feed on b**ast milk but for whatever reason are unable to provide for it naturally themselves. Ignoring all that, even if you do think it’s weird, I see no reason why you need to be judgy about how your sister and her friends choose to feed and bring up their children.

Sad_Silver918 − YTA. From your description she clearly wasn't 100% sure what your answer was, and just wanted clarification. You could have just said, 'I appreciate the offer but no thank you.' To say 'it's creepy' and then try and back off and say 'but you do you' is disingenuous.

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OverlordPancakes − Sounds like you’ve been wanting to call her creepy for a while and found an opportunity to do so

thekelsey21 − You seriously couldn’t have found a nicer way to say it? Yeah, YTA and you know it. You don’t have to agree with what she is doing for her kids, but there was literally no reason to shame her for it. I assume you like your sister and your comment was uncalled for

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salukiqueen − YTA She was trying to help and you made a face and then called her creepy. I wouldn’t have accepted her offer either but there was 0 maliciousness about her interaction so your response was uncalled for. A simple “It’s not for me but I appreciate you trying to help” would have worked too.

MsSonderbar − Esh. You declined at first. She could have left it at that but instead came back spoiling for a fight. Which she got.. She shouldn't have approached you again and you should have cooled the words. Also: y'all need to read the post again. She dropped it after declining and the wetnurse sister came back to attack her more.

pnutbuttercups56 − YTA. Not for not wanting her to wet nurse but for blowing up at her in public and calling her creepy. Your initial response was a little unclear so I understand why she wanted clarification. Four is on the older side to still be breastfeeding by modern standards but the other children are in breastfeeding range.

Claiming to be calm then calling her names in public is a d**k move. You want to wean your kids at one, as long as you have doctor approval that's fine, your sister doesn't want to wean that early. She's not disgusting because of that.

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INFO: How did you decline initially? From what you wrote it seems like you didn't give her a straightforward 'No' initially. After a while she came back over and added, 'You can just say no or that it weirds you out, you dont have to try and make me uncomfortable,'. This part is why I'm asking.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, with most labeling the OP as too judgy for her “creepy” jab. Some saw her sister’s persistence as pushy, but the consensus leaned hard on civility. Are these takes spot-on, or do they miss the nuance of family tension?

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This tale of a breastfeeding offer gone wrong shows how quickly good intentions can curdle into conflict. The OP’s honesty clashed with her sister’s generosity, leaving a family divided. It’s a reminder to tread lightly when personal choices collide. Have you ever faced a family moment where a simple offer sparked a big reaction? What would you do in this sticky situation? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this together!

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